Pride
by janually
Summary: In which Sakura is assigned a job she can't handle, no one knows where the Hokage is, and Kakashi can't believe he let himself lose another comrade.
1. Lights

_"Look, Simba. Everything the light touches is our kingdom. A king's time as ruler rises and falls like the sun. One day, Simba, the sun will set on my time here and will rise with you as the new king."_

- Mufasa, The Lion King

* * *

Two pictures lay side by side, the straight faces of young teammates staring back at the Hokage who really didn't want to have to pick only one of them for such an important position. On one hand, she wanted the boy to follow in her footsteps because she knew he would lead with a gentle, but efficient sort of power. On the other, the girl was smart, incredibly strong, and fiercely dedicated to everything she set her little heart upon. And ultimately, more mature. Her decision would not be an easy one, nevermind quick.

"I don't mean to rush you, Tsunade-sama, but you've been staring at those photographs for three hours now," Shizune carefully said. "Forgive me for interrupting, but have you made your decision yet?"

Her eyes flicked between the two photos until she forced herself to close her eyes and blow out a long, calming breath. She had to choose before she could allow herself to be second-guessed. This was the decision she'd been dreading since she'd been named, and she hadn't even known one of the two candidates at that point. All she'd known was that one day, she'd have to pick someone young and far less experienced to replace her, and that day had arrived more quickly than she was comfortable with.

"I've chosen," Tsunade sighed.

She pointed her finger to the photograph of the person she'd selected, and at the gesture, Shizune broke into a grin and said, "Great choice! I have faith that your decision will benefit the village!"

"Yeah, yeah." The Hokage set away the pictures in the top drawer of her desk, setting the one of the boy on top before shutting the drawer and letting darkness close in on his whiskered face.

* * *

"Sakura-chan?"

The medic breathed out and exasperated sigh but maintained her outward calm composure. This had to be Konohamaru's fiftieth question, at least. It wouldn't have been so bothersome had his inquiries been relevant to the situation at hand, but mostly all he wanted to know was what it was like to be on a team with Naruto and if she'd ever seen behind Kakashi's mask. Which she had, but she wasn't about to let some scrawny little brat know what her old sensei kept hidden so well, even if all it had taken to get the man to remove the damned piece of cloth was a eighteenth birthday and a sloppy, drunken kiss.

She absentmindedly fiddled with his monitor and asked, "_Yes_, Konohamaru?"

"I know I'm sick and all, but do you think I could maybe go out and train tomorrow?"

A smile lightened her bored features and distracted her from once again checking her watch. At least he was showing some sort of concern for his condition rather than denying its existence like he had when he'd first come in for treatment. "I'm afraid not," Sakura replied, turning away from the machines to face him. "You've already got pneumonia so your immune system is shot. It would be ill advised to let you go out and get yourself beat up. You might catch something else. Or worse, Udon might be able to defeat you in your weakened state!"

She watched as his face crinkled up around his nose in an expression that clearly stated, _No, Udon certainly would not be able to defeat me._ But the boy kept those thoughts to himself, instead voicing the less playful, "But if I stay in this hospital any longer, I don't think I'll ever get to be as strong as Naruto!"

He _would_ bring up his yellow-haired counterpart again, wouldn't he? Sakura dared a glance at the clock and allowed herself to cheer up when she realized she would only be obligated to stay here with him for two more minutes. She wasn't quite sure why her shishou had cut her hours nearly in half and decided to let her off work early that day, but nobody would find her complaining. It was only just beginning to get dark. If she rushed home, she would be able to see all of her weekly soap instead of only managing to catch the tail end of its second nightly run.

"Konohamaru, Naruto has a hideous, nine-tailed demon inside him programmed for demolition and murder," she stated matter-of-factly. "All you've got inside you is medication and seventeen of Moegi's homemade onigiri."

"They were good!" he defended.

Sakura nodded her silent agreement, but when all he did was stare angrily back at her, she deflated and gave in. "Tomorrow, I'll take you out for some fresh air. But _no_ training until you can go at least a full minute without coughing."

Konohamaru inhaled in preparation to shoot something back about how he could go _days_ without coughing if he wanted to, but he was interrupted by his own loud, repetitive hacking as his system tried to rid itself of his lungs. She nudged a glass of water that had sat untouched on his nightstand all day closer towards him and retreated towards the door.

"Goodnight, Konohamaru."

He wheezed, "'Night, Sakura-chan."

On her way out, she flipped down his lightswitch. Once outside, she took a moment to watch bemusedly as he chugged the entire glass of water before burying himself beneath his crispy, white bedsheets and curling into a comfortable ball. He was going on eighteen these days, but he still acted the same way he always had as a child. In fact, it made sense that he was always whining about wanting to be more like Naruto - the two of them were already near carbon copies of each other.

With a smile still gently touching her lips, she turned away from his door and began to weave through the loose crowd of staff and patients milling about the hospital. Just a few more steps and she would be out the door, on her way home to enjoy her favorite television series for the first time in what felt like decades.

That beautiful, clear glass front door held its arms out to her as she sped up her pace to meet its embrace faster. In a few short seconds, the fading daylight would set a peachy glow on her face and the cooling air would banish the stale oxygen of the hospital from her lungs. A grin broke out across her features, so tight and wide it brought her eyes closed, and ultimately prevented her from seeing the obstacle that stepped in her way at that last minute.

She stumbled back after she bumped into a warm, cushiony barrier, confused and disoriented and trying to recall when they'd installed a wall made of heated pillows directly in front of the entrance to the facility. When she lifted her eyes to stare at this new structure, she found that it was not, in fact, a wall, but a pair of pale, heaving breasts that glared back at her. Bringing her gaze up further, she was met with the incredulous stare of the owner of the aforementioned rack - a blonde woman who was looking none to pleased with her apprentice's antics.

"Tsunade-shishou!" Sakura gasped. "Forgive me. I-" Catching the Hokage's expression, she knew that the only explanation her superior would be accepting at this time would be something along the lines of _I tripped and landed face first in your chest because I'm too stupid to walk_. This, however, was not the type of phrase that Sakura wanted to come out of her mouth, so she opted not to try and explain herself out of the situation and instead only sighed, "Sorry."

"I would recommend watching where you're going next time," Tsunade blandly suggested.

"Yes, of course," Sakura agreed monotonously. "I was just heading out. I'm off early tonight. Thank you for that, by the way."

"You're welcome." A faint smile touched the blonde's lips for a brief moment - it was not often she was shown gratitude for her rare nice gestures. Her cross and often brash demeanor usually left people intimidated, even when she was doing them a kindness. So intimidated, in fact, they figured a silent retreat would be better than to risk a single 'thank you'. But her face soon fell when she recalled the reason she had cut Sakura's hours that night in the first place. "Unfortunately, I didn't let you off ahead of schedule for you to go home, drink cheap liquor, and fall asleep on your sofa while watching some crappy soap opera."

Sakura contemplated the pros and cons of pointing out that her shishou had been the one to introduce her to the series in the first place, but she figured she'd better play it safe and not test Tsunade's temper this evening. So instead, she shrugged and said dismissively, "They'll replay it again eventually. Was there an assignment for me?"

"Not an assignment. But there is a talk I need to have with you."

The older of the two women pushed open the door to the building and gestured for her student to follow as she lead the way outside and towards the tower that held her office. Sakura tailed her obediently, though her inner self died a little bit when they passed her housing district. The woman ahead of her rambled on about irrelevant subjects like the weather and a pair of shoes Shizune was trying to convince her to buy probably because they wore the same size while Sakura kept sparing glances back towards her apartment complex, weighing the pros and cons of booking it and snuggling down into her cushy sofa with a mimosa and a brand new episode of her favorite show. Even better, she could disappear into Kakashi's apartment coming up on their left and make him watch it with her and possibly indulge in a bit of love-making before bed. But was it worth the beheading she would surely receive the next morning?

Probably not.

She grumbled and slouched as they passed his building and continued on through the village's streets until they reached the administration tower. Though she could make it through the facility blindfolded, her shishou still lead the way, tromping up a tall flight of stairs and taking the familiar route to her office. When she took a not-so-familiar turn, Sakura was habitually heading the opposite way, fully expecting to be lead into Tsunade's workplace. When she noticed the blonde was no longer before her, she stopped in her tracks and blinked, then turned and jogged to catch up and say, "Have you forgotten the way to your own office?"

"We're not going to my office," was the only reply.

They ventured up another flight of stairs and came to a wing that Sakura had never been to. In fact, she'd never gone higher up than the floor where Shizune and Tsunade worked, so she kept close to the other woman to avoid getting lost in the labyrinth of hallways until they came to a dead end. Or so it seemed, until they came closer to the opposing wall and the outline of a discreet, hidden door became visible. There was no doorknob and no lock. In fact, there were no other indications apart from the line that suggested anything would be on the other side of the wall except for maybe insulation, piping, and electrical wires. But when Tsunade pushed against the door, it gave a resounding _click_ that echoed down the empty hallway as it came unlatched and swung open, letting in a rush of cold, night time air.

They stepped out onto the rooftop and the light up there was more bright and more orange due to their increased proximity to the sun. But as that light slowly faded while Sakura faithfully stood beside her mentor and her leader in wait of the conversation that was coming - one she was sure to dread and would probably drown with alcohol by the time she managed to get home - the lights of the village below began to flicker on, one building after another, and by the time the sun had set, you could hardly tell the light had left for all the glowing that radiated from below. It made her head spin to think she'd never been up here before. Maybe because she had a slight fear of heights and had never thought coming to the top of any tall building was exactly a good idea, but the view was so beautiful at this time of night, she would have thrown all phobias out the window if she'd known about it. The yellow streetlights and the green and blues of the decorated, lit insides of the buildings and facilities on the sides of the street all mixed together to cast a lovely glow on the people milling about on the sidewalks, going about their night without a second glance or thought towards the two women who watched them from above.

"This is amazing," Sakura found herself sighing before she could close her lips.

She was prepared for Tsunade to chastise her for speaking out of turn and for indulging in such trivial pleasures when they had something of great importance to discuss, but she never did. The older woman only smiled, the slightest upward tilt at the corners of her mouth, and agreed, "Yes, it is."

They stood side by side in silence for awhile longer before Tsunade informed her student, "Take a look around at the lights below. As far as they extend, that is the entirety of Konoha's territory. The lights may become sparse the farther you look from the center of town, but our borders only end at the last speck of light."

Sakura had always known there was some sort of strategy behind the placement of the tower they currently stood on, but she had never once tried to think on what that strategy might be. Here, where she could see the same lights Tsunade was talking about, it was clear to her. The tower was not directly in the center of the village's land, but placed in such a way that every light within their territory could be seen from the top and no lights from another came into that expanse below.

"From up here, I can observe everything that happens in this village. If just one of those lights goes out, no matter how far from this tower it is, I'll know as soon as I come up here," Tsunade explained. "I don't consider myself a ruler, but a leader. And to lead, I must know the land and the people I am leading. This is my post."

"That makes sense," Sakura mused. Then, as she realized her shishou was in a much lighter mood than she'd originally assumed, she dared to add, "But I don't see how this was more important than my soap."

Tsunade laughed lightly. She gave no in depth explanation as to why she had dragged Sakura away from her weekly show. She didn't even wipe the smile off her face when she dropped the bomb on her student. Didn't even make eye contact with her. She just continued to stare out at the vast expanse of land as she said, "This is your post now, too."

The words sat lingering in Sakura's mind for a moment, confusing her as it ticked away like a clock, and when the it struck midnight, the bells went off in her head. "You mean... I'm being appointed as some sort of... watch dog?"

Tsunade laughed. "No, we have other watch towers for those people. This is a special one. Only the Hokage can watch from this tower."

A light gust of wind blew Sakura's long hair into her face. When blowing at her bangs to push them away did nothing, she gathered her hair up into one concentrated point at the back of her head and secured it there. It was still long enough to brush against her chin, but it no longer obstructed her vision of the brilliant lights below. "I think you need to take another few years to think about this," she sighed.

"I would, but unfortunately, I don't have another few years to spare." Sakura arched one thin eyebrow, though she kept her face tilted down at the specks of gold hundreds of feet beneath her. Tsunade asked, "You're familiar with some of my... more dangerous techniques?"

The younger of the two brought her hand up to rest underneath her chin and she turned to face her superior with a look of confusion upon her face. What in the world was she going on about? Tsunade had a lot of "more dangerous techniques" in Sakura's opinion - most of them included bashing skulls and tearing up concrete, but she couldn't decipher how any of those had an effect on Tsunade's well-being. Well, there was one...

Sakura's brow flew upward and her eyes focused in on the purple diamond-shaped mark in the center of her shishou's forehead. Could she possibly mean...? "Oh, no," groaned Sakura.

Tsunade gave an amused chuckle, and her student couldn't help but wonder how the blonde could be so lighthearted at a time like this. "Don't worry. I'm not immediately concerned for my life. However, as its span has shortened significantly, I can only hope for ten years at the most. And I need to find a replacement. Just in case."

Sakura's eyes narrowed. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. The initial shock she'd received after hearing that Tsunade's life was slowly coming to an end had worn off for now - no doubt it would come back to haunt her later, most likely in her sleep - but there was still something so terrifying about the way the Hokage discussed it. As if it didn't phase her at all. As if the fact that she was probably going to die before her apprentice had learned everything there was to teach. She would be gone before Sakura's thirty-fifth birthday. "How can you talk about this so lightly?" the pinkette asked.

"Death is a natural part of life." Tsunade shrugged. "Yes, it's a shame that mine is coming to an end earlier than would be ideal for this village. That said, I need to make a choice with their best interest in mind."

It hadn't been an easy choice, and she'd known in the back of her mind that Sakura wouldn't be too pleased about the outcome, but she had to make it work out. She had her reasons for choosing her apprentice - most importantly, she had a good head on her shoulders and would rule diligently with the right motivation. But she had also been around Tsunade long enough to know how it was done. She was perfect for the role, but her next words did not come as a shock to the blonde.

"What about Naruto? Being Hokage is everything he's ever dreamed of and he's a lot stronger than I am-"

"It's not all about who can kill the most enemies." Naruto was strong, and determined, and he had the motivation that Sakura lacked. He _wanted_ it, and he would put the authority to good use - no doubt he would do anything in his power to bring a higher level of peace to the shinobi world. The problem was, he wasn't quite as logical as Sakura was, and he was nowhere near as settled. Whereas the girl spent most of her time either in Tsunade's office or working in the hospital, Naruto was always taking the most dangerous missions and when he wasn't traveling, he was finding other ways to get into trouble within the village walls. With that in mind, the correct choice was obvious. It would have to be Sakura for the time being. "You've got your head screwed on tighter than he has. Your mental strength far surpasses his."

Sakura's head started to shake from left to right in such a subtle way, you could only tell by the trembling of her ponytail. "Tsunade-shishou, I'm only twenty-two. I can't be Hokage. And I _can't_ do that to Naruto."

"I'm only sixty. I shouldn't have to worry about the prospect of a sudden death, but here I am, appointing my apprentice as my successor." Again, she spoke lightly of the situation at hand and emphasized the statement with a slow shrug of her shoulders. "Life is full of surprises."

"You'll have to find someone else."

With that, she turned and made to re-enter the building through the hidden door. She'd had enough. Was Tsunade crazy? Sakura was barely legal. She could hardly lead her life properly, let alone an entire village. How Tsunade had come to choose her of all possible candidates - Kakashi, Shikamaru, _Naruto_ for goodness sake! - was beyond her. While she was well aware she had no choice in the matter, and while she knew going home and taking a long nap wasn't going to change anything, she needed to get off of the rooftop.

"Sakura!"

She gritted her teeth and let a small grumble slip through her lips when Tsunade caught her wrist before she could get more than two steps towards the door.

"This is non-negotiable," said Tsunade.

_I know that_, Sakura wanted to say. But she knew if she added anything else, she would only be getting deeper into it with her master. No doubt it would end in a loud, violent argument during which many walls would get torn down. She didn't have the heart, nor the energy for that at the moment. So she settled for narrowing her eyes in her best 'I-really-really-hate-you-right-now' glare before she tore herself out of Tsunade's grasp and left, slamming the door behind her.

"You can't run away from your problems!" Tsunade shouted, knowing full well her warning could be heard through the walls. "Believe me, I tried it."

* * *

_TBC_


	2. Uncertainties

_"Stealing through the night's uncertainties, love is where they are."_

- The Lion King

* * *

It took Sakura awhile to find her way out of the mysterious wing Tsunade had lead her through to get to the rooftop. She hadn't the slightest idea why someone would put so many dead-ends in one building, but after thinking about it on her way down to the bottom floor, she guessed it might be to prevent random visitors from heading out onto the balcony. After all, it was supposed to be a private area, reserved for the Hokage only.

Sakura opened the door to let herself out and shivered when the blast of air hit her, but not so much from the cold. She'd been welcomed onto that rooftop and told the secret of the building's placement, which meant only one thing - she was next in line to be Hokage. It was frightening. No, frightening was an understatement. It was terrifying, scary, horrific, all kinds of synonyms for frightening. Who had okayed that decision? Who was so unstable that they had decided Sakura was mentally sound enough to take on that kind of responsibility?

The air was cooler at the lower altitude, but the breeze was calmer and assaulted her nerve endings less frequently. Still, she couldn't help the goosebumps that spread across her pale, usually smooth skin. Some people got goosebumps in the midst of excitement or anticipation. For her, they were a sign of fear. Of uncertainty. Of discomfort. She was absolutely positive that no earthly force nor divine intervention could change her mind regarding the subject. It was a bad idea to put her in charge. It was hard enough to accept the fact herself, but if her closest confidante also did not take keenly to it, she would fight violently against it. She was willing to lose her precious free time and social life, as both were already hard to come by and would hardly be missed. But she was not as ready to lose a boy she'd come to depend on over the years.

Her gait slowed until it eventually paused in an unusually dark area of her route to Naruto's place. Her hands shook at her sides - out of fear, frustration, or fury, she couldn't quite tell. Possibly a combination of all three, if not a few more complex emotions. She felt the strength leave her knees so suddenly that she had to stumble back against the brick wall of a nearby pawn shop and brace her trembling palms on the chalky surface to remain upright. Even then, her body slowly slid down the divider until the cool, stony cement could be felt through the thin, breathable material of her skirt and black shorts. It brought another shiver through her spine.

She pulled her knees up against her chest and rested her forehead upon them, trying desperately to even out her now shuddery breathing. But each inhale was sharper than the last, and each exhale was shakier than the one before. Her face grew hot as she heard the impolite whispers of the few civilians who were out at this hour - all of them audacious enough to pass judgement, but none of them bold enough to approach her. None of them had the kindness within their hearts to ask what was wrong, or even if she was okay. She bit her lip against the words that desperately wanted to burst forth. A childish, albeit appropriate, "_Take a picture, it'll last longer._" But then they would only retreat and gossip about her within the comfort of their own homes, and while she didn't respect the idea of them talking about her at all, she'd rather they do it within earshot so she could at least hear what they were saying.

She managed to compose herself before any tears slipped out, thank goodness. She was teetering on the pointed tip of a mental breakdown and if she stayed within these ignorant villagers' presences any longer, there was no doubt it would be a loud, violent one. She brought herself up from the ground and dusted her bottom off before casting an icy glare at everyone who had had the nerve to judge her for her public display of emotions. Then she proceeded on her way. Thankfully, the cold air against her warm cheeks calmed her, and also served to dry her eyes and eliminate the threat of tears.

She couldn't help but wonder, as she walked the familiar route to his house, how he would react. Part of her wanted to think he would be ecstatic over her "success", but even if he was happy for her (heaven forbid), she knew there would still be a tiny jealous voice in the back of his mind. Worst case scenario, he would explode at her and tell her never to speak to him again because she had stolen away all his hopes and dreams.

And if that was his decision, then she would cross that bridge when she came to it. As much as it pained her to think she might have to continue life without the ever jubilant blonde, if that was what he wanted, it was something she would eventually come to accept. A small part of her had always known this day would come. Not the day that Tsunade went totally insane, but the day that she would have to cut off ties with Naruto. Life had a funny way of stealing all her loved ones away from her - first Ino, who had once been her best friend and was now nothing more than an acquaintance, then Sasuke, who had never wanted her in the first place but at least he'd been around. Now it had been several years since their last encounter.

But Naruto had stood by her side through thick and thin, and she had stood by his. Sure, there were days when she wanted nothing more than to punch him in the face and send him flying all the way to Suna, but even when she thought she hated him, she always had a soft spot for him. There was something endearing about his passionate pursuit of his dreams that drew her to him like a moth to a flame. They'd grown so much closer over the years, so needless to say, to lose him so suddenly would wreak havoc on Sakura's poor little soul.

But all that would have to wait to be dwelled upon. She had arrived at his house and was now standing underneath a small hanging lamp that dangled above the doormat. The walls of the humble one bedroom home were chipped and cracked, allowing glimpses of the sturdy wooden skeleton of the building. It was clear that neither he nor Hinata, who he had recently invited to move in with him, cared much for the garden as the front lawn was adorned with unkempt grass and wilting dandelions. What a sad yard. Even the weeds were dying!

A wary glance at the brass numbers arranged diagonally alongside the doorframe told her that, yes, she was at the right place and yes, she was about to have a potentially devastating conversation with her best friend. She raised her fist and knocked on the door three times, planning out a speech under her breath as she waited for an answer. After what felt like ages, she heard mumbling behind the door and a clearly audible, "Just let her in!" Then the entrance swung wide open and a pink-faced Hinata greeted Sakura with a timid smile.

"Hi, Hinata! Is Naruto in?" Sakura already knew the answer - it had been his loud voice demanding that she be let in just seconds ago, but with Hinata, you could never be too careful. She was so jittery, especially when it came to her blonde counterpart. It was as if she was afraid he would disappear if he left her sight for too long.

"Um, yes, he's here. Naruto-kun, it's-"

"Sakura-chan!" Suddenly, Naruto was at the shy girl's side with his arm over her shoulders, smiling brightly at Sakura. "Come on in!"

He waved his hand for her to follow as he lead them all into the living area. It was very lavishly decorated, no doubt funded by Hinata's wealthy family. When they were all just kids in the Academy, the Hyuuga hadn't been Naruto's biggest fan, but as he grew older and proved his worth and value as a shinobi of Konoha, they slowly began to admire him. And really, once he and Hinata got together, they had no choice but to accept him. She was an heiress who had grown quite strong over the years, and while it was tradition to marry within the clan, her father wouldn't turn her down at this point. He was ultimately disappointed in her for choosing to marry outside of the family, but not disappointed enough to refuse her a housewarming gift. The living room was proof of that.

They settled themselves into two plush sofas, Naruto and Hinata sitting close on one and Sakura nestled on the opposite. The way Hinata positioned herself should have bewildered Sakura, but at this point, she was used to the girl's antics. She might have dismissed Hinata's reproachful behavior as just her imagination had it not been so painfully obvious. She'd been acting this way ever since she and Naruto had first gotten together. Every time Sakura was in their general vicinity, Hinata would always have a hand affectionately placed on Naruto's knee or she would sit closer than what might be considered necessary to him. A lesser friend might think she was doing this out of spite, but Sakura knew how aware Hinata was of Naruto's past crush. The poor girl was stricken with the irrational fear that his love for her would fade in the presence of his old flame.

And an irrational fear it was, indeed. There was no denying that Naruto had fallen for the Hyuuga, and hard. Sakura saw the way he looked at her. How he always kept her within arms reach. His tedious care and high respect. It was plainly obvious that Hinata had become the only one for him. Any feelings he had left for Sakura were purely platonic. They were merely teammates. Or best friends. Or perhaps even more - something like family.

"So, what brings you?" Naruto asked brightly.

"Can I get you something? Some tea?"

Judging by the way Hinata inched closer to her partner as she spoke, Sakura guessed the very last thing she wanted to do was leave the two of them alone together while she prepared some hot beverages. So Sakura spared her. "No, no, that's alright," she said. "I needed to talk to you about something, Naruto."

"Should I leave you two alone?" Hinata's lilac tinted eyes widened, as if the idea of leaving his side frightened her. Sakura briefly wondered if she should request alone time with Naruto, but she knew that would only cause Hinata's behavioral quirks whenever Sakura was around to get worse. And maybe it would be good for him if she was there when Sakura broke the news. Maybe she could talk him down from his anger.

"That won't be necessary. Thank you, though." Hinata visibly relaxed, sinking into Naruto's side. "I just got off of work-" Well, actually she'd gotten off of work almost an hour ago, but for the sake of the talk, she would leave that part out. "-and I had a little talk with Tsunade before I left."

Everything Sakura had planned to say promptly left her. She sat there with her mouth hanging slightly open, searching for the words she'd come up with outside the door, but they weren't there anymore. She had absolutely no clue what to do! But she couldn't just stay silent. Naruto was waiting, and by the way he was leaning forward with one eyebrow arched, he had been waiting long enough.

"She's, uh. She's picked a successor."

Suddenly, Naruto threw his head back and let out a bark of laughter. "I knew it!" he exclaimed.

"You knew?" Sakura gasped.

"Oh, yeah! I knew the old lady would be announcing me as the next Hokage soon enough. It was only a matter of time, really."

Sakura bit and worried her lip. He looked so proud of himself. He really believed he'd been Tsunade's choice, didn't he? Without a doubt in his mind. _Oh no..._ How was she supposed to break the news to him now? She didn't know if she could handle watching his face fall from that boisterous grin to a wounded frown. There was no way she'd be able to walk away from that without feeling like the enemy.

Why did Tsunade have to choose her? She had to have known she wasn't ready for this. Sakura felt a stinging sensation in the inner corners of her eyes and she pressed her mouth into a hard line. She wouldn't cry in front of him. Not when he looked so happy. But how in the world could she keep that smile on his face? In a few short weeks, Tsunade would make the big announcement and everyone would know the truth. She could tell him right now and risk losing him right away, or have him hear it from someone else later on which would ultimately make him hate her more.

Throughout her childhood, she'd dreamt about growing up, and here she was as an adult and she couldn't say it was all it was cracked up to be. Every option felt wrong to her. No matter what she chose to do, it was looking like someone was going to get hurt in the end, be it herself or Naruto. But maybe that was what responsibility was all about. Maybe to be responsible, you had to hurt one or two people for the sake of hundreds. Perhaps this was an important life lesson being forced upon her.

A life lesson she decided right then and there she was not ready to learn. There was one way out of this entirely. It would hurt her and it would hurt Naruto and surely it would hurt almost everyone she knew, but that seemed more fair than letting just one person take the hit. It wasn't the most honorable route, but would Sakura be willing to take it regardless? Taking in Naruto's wide smile once more, she knew she would. Faced with the situation at hand, it was the only option that made sense to her. Everything else was crazy talk.

She smiled. "Yeah, only a matter of time," she agreed. "I'm so happy for you, Naruto. And you too, Hinata! You're lucky enough to be on the arm of this great man." The Hyuuga flushed bright red and turned her face into Naruto's neck.

Sakura stood and brushed some imaginary dirt from her skirt. "Well, it was nice seeing you two again!" she said. "I hope next time I see you it's for a debriefing, Naruto!"

Perhaps she was in a bit too much of a hurry to get out. She walked swiftly to the door, ignoring Naruto's calls of "Wait!" and "Hold on, don't you want to celebrate?". Once she was out in the cool night air, she slumped with her back against the entrance. Thank goodness she was out in the open where she could freely express her emotions without worrying about the happiness of others! She looked up to the night sky and allowed her tears to blur her vision, causing the black speckled expanse to melt into a gray, glowing blob.

Tsunade had said something to her after she'd left the rooftop about a half hour ago. And at first, it hadn't meant anything to her. She probably hadn't meant it literally. But, at this point, the one thing Tsunade had advised her against seemed to be Sakura's only option.

She squeezed her eyes shut, forcing a out a few fat tears. Then she rubbed the moisture away so she could see properly and set off on her way home. She had quite a few chores to take care of. The walk back to her place seemed unusually quick, possibly because there was a huge piece of her heart that didn't want her to be there. Because going back home meant facing a few demons.

She reluctantly let herself into the quaint apartment. The heater did nothing to warm her, so she headed into the kitchen and prepared herself a cup of hot cocoa because it satisfied her need for warmth and chocolate. With her mug in one hand, she used the other to grab the remote and flick on her television set, and of course, the last rerun of her show was running the credits. She scowled. Well, wasn't that just the cherry on top of a fucking fantastic night?

She turned the TV off and shuffled into her bedroom. It was a mess, but that would have to wait. She didn't have time to clean up. She had more important things to take care of. All she could allow herself extra time to do was sift through the piles of clothes and candy bar wrappers until she found her backpack. She unzipped it and tossed whatever cosmetic items were lurking in there out before bringing it over to her walk-in closet.

With the light turned on, every article of clothing in her wardrobe was clearly visible. She wanted so much to grab her best dress and a pair of high heels, but she knew she wouldn't be needing it. It would only weigh her down. What exactly did one pack when planning to leave behind everything they'd ever known and loved? As she grabbed the most comfortable looking fabrics she could spot, she thought back on Tsunade's warning.

_You can't run away from your problems! Believe me, I tried it._

"Well, maybe you just didn't try hard enough," she murmured. She took a deep breath and stashed a few kunai and shuriken and, as an afterthought, shoved in some gauze from her first aid kit. She didn't have room to bring her whole medical kit, but her healing chakra and some bandages should be enough. If she ended up needing a scalpel somewhere along the way, no doubt she could manage with just a kunai.

She zipped her pack up and tossed it over her shoulder. When she reached her front door once again, she hesitated with her hand on the doorknob. Did she want to take one final look at the home she'd lived in for the past four years? Wasn't there something powerful and sentimental about that?

No, she decided. She really didn't care to look at the mess she was leaving behind.

She let herself out of the apartment and took the stairs down to the lobby two at a time. The chill of the evening wasn't strong enough to affect her this time. She walked with a determined stride towards the village gates, her pace only quickening as she passed the tower where Tsunade worked. But when she passed Kakashi's apartment complex, she started to slow down until finally, she was stopped in front of a tavern one block away.

She hadn't planned to say goodbye to anyone. She'd already seen Naruto for the last time, and that had been enough of a farewell to get her by for however long she would be gone. But as much as she wanted to get going before someone could figure out what she was planning, she knew she couldn't leave without at least seeing him one last time. She turned around and sprinted to his building, skipping the stairs entirely and leaping up to his second story window instead.

She didn't bother knocking. It wasn't locked and she knew she would be welcome no matter what time of night it was. And now that she was considering time of night, she had no idea how much time she'd spent at home packing her things. It had gotten significantly darker, but it didn't feel like much time had passed. She shrugged off the thought and slipped through the window, shutting it behind her.

It had to be pretty late if Kakashi was already in bed. He wasn't necessarily known for being a night owl, but she wouldn't say he liked to turn in particularly early either. She set her bag down against the wall beneath the window and tiptoed to his bed, shucking off her boots before sliding under the covers to join him. Her index finger traced the line of his spine until he shifted under her touch and turned to face her.

He glanced at the clock on his nightstand. Two o'clock. "Good morning," he rumbled, his voice low and husky from sleep.

"I'm leaving," Sakura admitted without thinking.

"I guessed," he mumbled. "How long?"

_Forever_. She couldn't tell him that. He would try to stop her. Even worse, he would probably succeed. All he would have to do was touch her in the right places and she would bend to his will. She sighed as her hand reached out to brush through his messy bedhead. "I wanted to know if you had anything left to teach me."

"Hm." He looked thoughtful for a moment before he let his eyes slip shut, clearly enjoying the way her fingers worked against his scalp. She couldn't help her slight smile when she felt the rumbling in his chest, something akin to a cat's purr. "No, I think my work with you is done. Dangerous mission?"

Her hand froze. "You could say that."

"You don't need me to teach you anymore. You're ready."

"Well, I guess there's just one thing left then." Her lips curved into a sweet smile. She loved when he was tired. During the day, he was always so guarded, but when he was drowsy, he actually showed some characteristics of a _nice guy_. It was magical. Her hands fell down to his neck where they toyed with the hair nestled at the nape. "Tell me you love me."

"Now, Sakura, you know I regard all my students equally."

"Oh, you know I'm your favorite!" He was trying to keep a straight face, but she could tell there was a playful smile just begging to break through. After a moment of silence, she demanded, "_Tell me you love me!_"

"I surely will not."

Well, she couldn't expect drowsiness to make him drop his guard entirely. He was still a shinobi. There were certain antiquated rules he still stood by, most notably the one about not letting your emotions get the better of you. She nuzzled her nose against the curve where his shoulder and neck met. At that moment, she wanted nothing more than to let loose and cry, but she knew it would all be downhill from there. He would coerce her into telling him what was wrong, and by morning, she would be fully convinced to stay. And that was something she could not deal with.

A hollow feeling settled in the pit of her stomach. What would she do without him - his playful banter and gentle touch? It was hard to imagine a life in which she did not speak to him every day, kiss him every night. She'd grown attached to him so quickly, and it had all started when Team Seven was first formed. When she was just a child, he'd been more of a father figure to her than her own dad, and when she grew up, he became a better lover than she could imagine any other man could be. Through the years, he'd never once given up on her, not even when she showed more concern for her appearance rather than the safety of herself and her comrades. And that made him the best person she knew.

She didn't know what would happen to her on the "mission". Whether she would ever see him again, much less if she would ever see the village. But she did know that wherever she went, she would be a good person who does good things. And she blamed him for that. She knew she couldn't take him with her, and that even if she knew where she was headed, she wouldn't be able to tell him the whole truth. But even if she found herself lost on the road of life, he would always be with her for as long as she lived. Thousands of things bouncing around her mind, trying desperately to be voiced, and all she could bring herself to say was, "Well, you know I love you."

He responded with a low hum that could barely be heard over the voices in her head, telling her to say this and say that. She wouldn't allow herself to be won over by her inner self. For once in her life, she was going to ignore her heart and think with her brain. If she stayed, yes, she would get to be with him every single day. But staying also meant taking on all the duties of Hokage while simultaneously trying to convince Naruto not to hate her. The cons of staying outweighed the pros by a long shot. She would much rather be in love with Kakashi from a distance than have responsibility pull her life right out from under her.

She would leave an hour before the sun rose. For now, she was content to watch him sleep.

* * *

Kakashi stretched himself awake and was unsurprised to feel the other side of the bed was cold and empty. Sakura had never been the best with goodbyes. She must have slipped out sometime during the night. Her scent was still mostly fresh, so he flipped over to lay on his stomach on her half of the mattress and inhaled deeply a few times before mustering up the energy to actually get out of bed.

As he rubbed at his bleary eyes, he sleepily shuffled into the kitchen area of his apartment and opened the fridge. Nothing really appealed to him this morning, but then, he never had the best appetite when Sakura was away. He never liked to let it show when he was in public, but it really took a lot out of him. She meant a great deal more to him than she, or anyone else for that matter, could possibly understand. He could hardly understand it himself.

He let the heavy door of his fridge slam shut and leaned against it. On the opposite wall was the window she'd probably used to get in and out last night. She'd left it open. Not that he was surprised. If he thought hard enough, he could see the back of her head as she slipped out through the opening in the wall, her long hair swishing behind her. Really, he had the image of her backside memorized all too well.

He could easily admit she was attractive. She was, bizarrely enough, a hot topic among his colleagues and he often indulged them in stories about her. Their relationship had started out on the down low but was no longer much of a secret anymore. It was widespread throughout Konoha that the ever famous Hatake Kakashi had been fucking his only female student, but it brought him no shame when he heard people whispering about it on the street. If anything, he was proud, because he knew he was not the only one who wanted her.

What boggled his mind was how attached he was to her. He hadn't yet said it out loud, but their relationship went a lot deeper than just casual sex. Yes, they were friends before anything else, but he knew that currently, that was not all they were. While he was sure of just how strongly he felt towards her, he found himself very reluctant to tell it to her face. Perhaps it was the fact that everyone he'd ever loved had somehow found a way out of his life. He felt that maybe if he just didn't tell her, she would stay close to him longer. It was not the healthiest frame of mind, as it kept a lot of his emotions bottled up, but he'd never really been the type to talk about his feelings with anyone and he was not about to start.

He was perfectly content to talk to himself about them. There was no harm in trying to rearrange his head. He often tried to think of other words to describe their relationship. Friends with benefits, fuck buddies, comrades. They all applied, but none of them captured everything that made their bond what it was. There was really only one word for it. He didn't know if she would ever hear it directly from him, but there was no doubt in his mind that she already knew.

A draft pulled him out of his thoughts. He stepped over to the window and leaned out, taking a moment to gaze at the small patch of roof tiling below. Scuffed and dirty with her footprints. The newest ones were still dark and unfaded. He ran his finger over one of the tracks and sighed as he thought back on the last thing he'd heard her say last night before he'd let sleep take over. "_Well, you know I love you_." He mumbled, "I love you, too," then pulled the pane of glass down until the window was shut. "More than you'll ever know."

* * *

_A/N: So this is one of those stories that I proofread about a billion times, but I still feel like I'm missing tiny little mistakes everywhere! Which means I'm not a particular fan of this one... So if you see a typo or a grammatical error, don't hesitate to point it out to me. Next chapter is called Turn Your Back. :)_


	3. Turn Your Back

_"Look, kid. Bad things happen and you can't do anything about it, right?"  
"Right."  
"Wrong! When the world turns its back on you, you turn your back on the world."_

_- _Timon and Simba

* * *

There would be no sleep for Sakura that night. While she knew that anxiety would wake her up every hour or so if she did decide to try to fit in a bit of rest before her departure, she didn't want to take a chance in this instance. If, for whatever reason, she managed to sleep the whole night through, she would be trapped for another day. And one more day was just too much. She knew if she woke up to Kakashi smiling down at her with a mug of coffee in hand and nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist, she wouldn't be able to will herself to leave.

Instead, she spent the whole night listening to the sound of his breath, trying not to laugh as it tickled her ear. Mostly, she stayed in bed with him, but as time wore on, she found herself getting antsy and she would have to get up and stretch her legs for a little while. During these moments of restlessness, she usually shuffled over to his kitchenette for a small snack. Ordinarily, this kind of rustling about would wake him, due to his senses being so finely honed that they functioned tirelessly, even in sleep. But they had been a part of each other's lives for so long, perhaps his senses had become accustomed to her insomnia.

As she leaned against the refrigerator door, she wondered if there was anything in the world that was more rewarding than watching him sleep. The rise and fall of his chest with every breath and the faint rustle of the sheets each time he shifted would have made the perfect lullaby had Sakura been trying to sleep. Now, it only made the gravity of her decision weigh on her that much more. Very slowly, it was adding pressure onto her chest, making it harder and harder to breathe as the seconds ticked by. Any longer and she probably would have broken down in sobs, but one flick of her eyes towards the glowing red numbers on the digital clock told her it was time to go.

Four-thirty in the morning. A little more than an hour before the sun began its rise, but she couldn't take another moment trapped in his apartment. She tiptoed over to the window and picked up her pack before forcing the window up and open and climbing out silently. In her haste, she neglected to shut it behind her. A creeping, dreadful feeling of heartbreak clutched at her as she took to the rooftops to make her trip shorter, but the farther away she got from him, the faster that sensation faded.

In fact, as she inched closer and closer towards the village gates, all sense of guilt had dispersed, replaced by one word echoing in her mind: _Freedom_. She no longer had to worry about responsibilities, or whether or not Naruto was angry with her, or if Kakashi was going to be a man and tell her he loved her already. And as that thought crossed her mind, she couldn't help but wish a bit of guilt upon _him_. She was not wracked with pain, nor was she planning to swear off of love for the things he had done to her, but he _had_ committed what she considered to be an ultimate crime.

He had broken a young girl's heart, and while they weren't on bad terms, Sakura didn't feel they were separating on a particularly good note. There was no one more to blame for that than Kakashi. After all, if he had worked his words to her liking when she'd first crept into bed with him a few hours ago, she might have been more compelled to stay.

But who was she kidding? She had tried that technique on a certain raven-haired boy many years ago. The _maybe if I say 'I love you', he'll stay with me!_ frame of mind hadn't done her too many favors back then, and while it may not have seemed so to many people who still counted Sasuke a traitor and an outcast, Sakura was much more headstrong than the Uchiha. She had made her decision and she was going to stick with it.

That was if she could even find a way out of the village. It was too early for any civilians to be up, and even Tsunade had mercy on the souls of the poor chuunin who were often put on watch during the day. There were no eyes watching her from the trees. It was too early even for that. But there would always be someone guarding the village gates, and if she didn't have the proper information, she would never be able to get out. They'd send her right back home and tell her to come back when she had her mission scroll.

She halted on a rooftop that overlooked the desk where she knew Izumo and Kotetsu often sat. Judging by the steady rise and fall of their chests and the way their heads hung, they were both asleep at their post, but she knew better than to try and sneak past them. Even the most irresponsible ninja would wake to the quietest sound of a pin dropping. So an easy exit right through the gates wasn't an option.

She turned her head towards the wall that separated Konoha from the rest of the world and scanned the area around it for any trees that might be hanging above it. But that would just be too easy, wouldn't it? She blew a sigh through her lips that flipped her bangs up and out of her face. This was going to be difficult, then. So be it. She braced herself against the tiling of the roof she was stationed on and forced chakra to flow into the soles of her feet.

Narrowing her eyes, she gauged the distance between herself and the top of the wall, counting in the factor of the upwards slope her path would have to take. After a few moments of observation, she inched back step by step until she guessed she'd have enough room to give herself a good running start. Then she dashed forward, keeping light on her feet so as not to disturb whoever might be lurking under the roof. When she reached the edge, she shot a burst of chakra through the soles of her feet and leaped.

Her target came closer and closer at a satisfying rate, but as she soared through the air and came to the last foot or so of her trip, gravity began to work against her by gradually pulling her down to Earth. She would never be able to land on top of the gate, so out of panic, she sent some poorly controlled chakra to the palms of her hands and braced herself for impact.

Quite suddenly, she slammed against the wall, catching herself with her hands and feet on the splintery wooden surface. She slipped an inch or two before she managed to solidify her wobbly control. She quickly hauled herself to the top of the partition and crouched against it, daring to glance at the guard below.

_Shit_, she cursed. They were up and alert, clearly quite concerned about the ruckus Sakura had just caused. Fortunately, she was shrouded by shadows and they were only likely to find her if they were looking for her specifically, which she doubted they were. After all, what would a young, innocent kunoichi be doing sneaking around the village at such an obscene hour?

Then again, the fact that Kotetsu and Izumo wouldn't be expecting to find her only made her predicament more dangerous. On the off chance that they did spot her, she would have plenty of explaining to do. She had to find a way to divert their attention while she made her escape. Relying on her sense of hearing to keep her safe, she closed her eyes and began to contemplate the situation.

If there were no guards aside from those stationed at the front gate, and if it was too early for innocent civilians to be out and about, then suspicions would be heightened. She was the only human being, aside from the two guards, but then humans weren't the only creatures capable of loud noises, were they?

Konoha was known not only for its abundant foliage, but also for the woodland creatures that inhabited the famed forests. All kinds of squirrels, rabbits, and foxes roamed the streets, especially when it was too early for any people to get in their way. But Sakura wasn't sure how she'd be able to convince a squirrel to cover for her while she snuck off. Most of them were incapable of speech. So if the existing critters were out of the question, that left one option.

Summons. Sakura had never been very good at summoning - the first time she'd tried it, she'd only managed to conjure up some of Katsuyu's slime. As it had turned out, she was just not very compatible with mollusks, but even as she worked with mammals, her animal counterparts were often pitifully small and insignificant. They were often not too smart, and if they were intelligent, they were too tiny to be useful.

At this point in her training, she could summon a miniature version of Katsuyu, one of Kakashi's ninken, and a few of her own cats. Katsuyu was automatically ruled out, as she would only relay anything Sakura told her back to her master, Tsunade. Pakkun - the only one of Kakashi's dogs small enough to be summoned by Sakura - could probably be bribed with treats to keep quiet, but while he was a talented tracker, he was often forgetful and he would probably reveal Sakura's secret by accident within the next few days.

That left the cats. Sakura groaned inwardly. She only had three that she could summon properly, and while they all had their strengths, their weaknesses were certainly more notable. The only she-cat of the three was talkative and a sucker for gossip - she wouldn't know a secret if it bit her in the butt, so she wasn't an option. Then there were two toms - one of which was dimwitted and unreliable and she didn't want to take her chances with him. That left the second male.

She'd only ever successfully summoned Fujo once. She'd needed him to distract a pair of genin that had been bothering her all day. As a young cat with endless amounts of energy, he'd kept those kids running after him all day, and the whole time he'd considered it play. He was loud and often immature, and he wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed, but he was loyal beyond compare and if Sakura told him not to tell anyone why he'd been summoned that evening, he would carry her secret to his grave.

As she focused all her chakra into summoning him, her only hope was that his attention span was large enough for him to complete that task. When she opened her eyes, Fujo was stretched out in front of her, ears perked up proudly and whiskers twitching with excitement. But before he could burst forth with animated shouts, Sakura brought a finger to her lips and urged him to stay quiet. The feline responded by flattening his ears against his head.

"Fujo, I need you to do me a _big_ favor," Sakura whispered.

"Fujo will do anything Sakura-chan needs," the critter replied. "Is Sakura-chan in trouble?"

"No, not at the moment, but that's why you're here. I need you to help me _stay_ out of trouble. Do you understand?"

"Yes, yes! Fujo wants to keep Sakura-chan safe!" he said.

Sakura pointed towards the two men below who had left their stations at the desk and were now looking around for signs of danger. "You see those two guys down there?" Fujo nodded excitedly, and Sakura continued, "All you have to do is catch a bird or a squirrel or a bunny. Make as much noise as possible, then show them your catch! Can you do that?"

"Does Fujo get to eat the bird, too?"

"Only after he shows it to the men."

"Okay, okay, Fujo can do it!"

"Oh, and you can't tell them I'm here. Remember that - that's the most important part of your mission."

"If it will keep Sakura-chan safe, Fujo will remember." The boisterous animal leapt down from the wall, somehow managing to land gracefully on all fours, then looked up to Sakura for some form of a signal. She gave him a short nod, and with that, he scurried away into the bushes.

Now came the waiting game. In no time at all, the cat was causing a commotion wherever he could. Various sounds assaulted Sakura's ears all at once - the crashing of trash bins as they clattered to the ground, the squawks of birds as they took to the sky, and the rustling of the trees as Fujo stalked through them in search of his prey. Sakura kept a careful eye on the chuunin guards, noting how the sudden loud noises raised their suspicions even further. As seconds ticked by, she began to worry that Fujo had forgotten his motive and was now only looking for a tasty morsel, but then he appeared at Kotetsu's feet with a plump squirrel in his jaws.

He dropped the animal to the ground and looked up to see the man's reaction, his tail twitching behind him as he waited. There was a carefulness to the way he carried himself that told Sakura he was still very much aware of his assignment and he would finish it without fail. Eager to see how the confrontation played out, Sakura strained to hear the conversation.

"Hey, Izumo, is this your cat?"

"You know I don't like cats," Izumo grumbled as he inched away from the furry feline.

Kotetsu bent at the knees and squatted in front of Fujo, offering out a single hand to the cat. Fujo gratefully accepted a few scratches between the ears before ducking his head away from Kotetsu's fingers and settling himself into a patient, sitting position.

"You think he's the one who was making all that noise earlier?" Kotetsu wondered aloud.

"I guess that makes sense. It does seem to be quiet now."

They stopped chatting for a moment to listen for anymore out of the ordinary sounds, and when none came, they dropped their guard and relaxed. Kotetsu scooped Fujo up and playfully chided the tom, "You caused us a lot of concern, didn't you, little guy?"

Sakura let out a relieved sigh. She was in the clear now. As soon as Fujo came back to her, she would be able to leave. As a reward for his hard work and dedication, she allowed him a few moments of playtime with the chuunin before she began to tap her fingers lightly on the wood of the partition. From the distance, the sound was only audible to Fujo's advanced ears, and he quickly understood. He shimmied out of Kotetsu's grasp, picked up his catch, and returned to Sakura's side.

"Sakura-chan is safe now, yes?"

"Yes, she's very safe and next time she sees you, she's going to give you lots of scratches and snacks." She smiled at the critter and rewarded him with a smooth rub all the way down the length of his body. "How does that sound?"

"Fujo likes that idea very much! Does he really have to go now, though?"

"I thought he would." With a giggle, she touched the tip of her index finger to his nose and he affectionately rubbed his muzzle against the palm of her hand. "Yes, Fujo has to go now. But I'll see you again soon, okay?"

The animal said nothing else. He just gave a purr of agreement before disappearing, leaving only a cloud of smoke in his wake. Their light conversation had been pleasant while it had lasted, but now it was time to get down to business. That first leap from the rooftop to the protective wall had only been half the battle. Now, with no trees on the other side of the village for her to leap onto, she had to find a way to get down without injuring herself or making any suspicious noises.

She settled for the most obvious route - a simple jump down with a silent prayer that her chakra would be controlled well enough to allow her to land lightly and painlessly. As her chakra pooled into her feet, she tried to spread it out evenly so that she could land without a suspiciously loud thud. When she figured she was prepared, she braced herself and jumped.

In the split second it took her to fall from the top of the wall to the base, she focused on getting herself into a relaxed position. The odds of getting hurt were much higher if she was tense when she landed. As her feet hit the ground with the slightest _thump_, she bent her knees slightly to absorb the impact. Then she straightened herself up and walked on.

She took advantage of the sparse coverage that constituted the several yards between the gates of Konoha and the closest set of trees, but she still worried that someone might see her. So when she came to the beginning of the forest, she gladly took to the treetops. It wasn't as safe as walking on the ground, but it would allow her to travel quickly and it also meant she would leave no footprints in the dirt. It would not be so easy to track her.

When she jumped up into the first tree, she took a quick breather to regain her composure and map out a rough idea of where she might be going. But even when she started to get antsy to get on the road, she hesitated. She was about to leave behind her entire history. She would never be able to tell anyone where she was from, or who she really was, for fear that information would find its way back to Konoha and she would be found and forced to return. It was not the easiest thing to come to terms with.

But she had no other conceivable choice. She sighed and shrugged her backpack off her shoulders, setting it onto the tree branch she stood on and allowing it to lean against her leg. With her arms now completely free, she could twist them enough to get her hands against the back of her head. For a moment, all she could feel was silky hair, but then her fingertips ran over a hard lump and they caught onto it. She gave a quick tug and before she could catch it, her headband slipped off her head and fell to the ground where it gave a barely audible metallic clang before it stilled.

After a final whisper of, "I'm sorry," she turned her back on the town, slung her pack back onto her shoulder, and ran.

* * *

Sakura's number one concern on her journey was conserving energy. She didn't want to waste any chakra should an emergency occur. So she launched herself from tree to tree using her own physical strength, for the most part, with minimal chakra enhancement. Needless to say, by the time she decided it was safe to take a break, she was exhausted. She'd been wanting to stop for the past few miles, but only now did she deem her location far enough away from Konoha. Had she stopped any farther back, she would have been stricken with fear that a Konoha shinobi returning from a mission would come across her, or someone would report her suspicious behavior.

Ultimately, it had been her paranoia that had kept her going. Realistically, there would have been no guards out to see her and if anyone she knew were to question her as to why she was out and about so early, she would have to do the same to them. But she felt more secure the farther away she got, and when her fear subsided, she found herself in a tiny town that consisted almost entirely of restaurants, motels, and various kinds of shops.

She wouldn't spend the night there, but she would rest for awhile. At least until the sun began to set and the temperature dropped. Here, she could grab a bite to eat and maybe ask someone about the neighboring villages, but first...

She glanced warily at her attire. Her paranoia slowly set in again, spreading cold and thick throughout her body. She was sure - no, she was absolutely positive that she wasn't the only girl who chose to wear red blouses and black shorts under a khaki skirt. But she'd been wearing pretty much the same outfit since she was sixteen and should she ever come across someone who recognized it, she would instantly be found out.

Though her stomach protested violently with loud turns and grumbles, she searched out a clothing store. Most of the shops in the area sold tacky souvenirs and a few of them even sold weapons to the one or two ninja that passed through each day, but there was one boutique that boasted appealing women's clothing. This was the store Sakura shuffled into.

She gave a weary smile to the woman working behind the counter after being greeted and began to shop. In the back of her mind, she knew she should steer clear of reds, but every top she grabbed seemed to be a variation of the color she was already wearing. The most she could bring herself to do was latch onto a few styles and cuts no one would ever expect her to don back at home.

_Home_. Sakura shuddered. She needed to stop referring to Konoha as that if she was ever going to pull through. She shook off the sudden urge to turn and run back and brought her choices into a curtained fitting room. Everything she put on felt too similar to what she already owned, until the last item.

The color was similar to that of the shirt she was trying to replace - perhaps a few shades darker, and more on the pink side. But otherwise, it bore no resemblances to the original outfit. With short sleeves that didn't even cover her shoulders entirely and a plunging neckline that stopped just between her breasts, it was already far more revealing than anything Sakura had ever dared to wear in public. As if that weren't enough, a triangle had been cut out of the front of the bottom hem. It came to a point slightly above her belly-button, leaving a strip of fabric approximately only two inches in length between the skin of her stomach and her cleavage (or lack thereof).

She couldn't remember the last time she'd shown so much skin. The only time she ventured to show her stomach outside the comfort of her own home was when she was traveling in sweltering heat. Even then, she tried to at least keep her chest covered up. What she wore now was something Ino might have picked out, which meant not only was it the last thing Sakura would normally buy for herself, but it was _perfect_.

Even if it was the same color as the old top, Sakura would be nearly unrecognizably in something so scandalous. The only thing now that would cause her to stand out from a crowd was, of course, her head of long, pink hair. But she didn't have time for that now. First, she had a purchase to make. She sauntered out of the dressing room and over to the register where she politely paid for her item before exiting.

Several years ago, she might have felt self-conscious in such an outfit, but now that her body had matured completely and she was filled out in all the right places, she no longer felt awkward in her own skin. She felt like a woman, and she had a right to show off what she had! She couldn't claim to be as curvy as Ino, nor was she was busty as Hinata, but she was slim and toned, and judging by the stares of some of the men she passed on her way to find an inn she could further alter her appearance in, _slim and toned_ was something to be admired in a woman.

It wasn't until she had started negotiating a price with the friendly owner of one of the motels that she realized she had spent the remainder of her money on her new clothing. Her face fell from a contented smile to a concerned frown. She had two options at this point: use her skills as a ninja to sneak her way into a room, or forfeit total privacy by finding an area of coverage somewhere along her planned route. The choice was obvious. She was not about to whip out a kunai on the unsuspecting civilian just because she'd blown her money without thinking. Besides, she'd had to change her clothes in front of others on missions so many times before, she hardly had any shame left.

With a sigh, she politely explained the situation to the man behind the desk. While he did seem to show some concern for her, he also looked a little sad over losing a potential customer. However, he cheerily bid her farewell when she exited the building and even offered her some directions to the nearest town. It was almost two hundred miles away, but if she kept up a constant pace, she could be there within a week.

So she set out with a determined stride. She kept her eyes pointed dead ahead and refused to look back, for the more she did so, the more her longing for her friends and teammates - namely Kakashi - beckoned her to return. Her pace quickened, but when she reached the end of the small village, she slowed down and frowned.

Her stomach was growling and she had no money for food. She groaned. Just her luck. She wouldn't be having a decent meal for awhile. It almost pained her to do so, as she knew she could very well be setting herself up for disappointment, but she pulled her pack off her back and dug around in it for something, _anything_ edible. Her hand rummaged around blindly, brushing against fabrics and occasionally getting nicked by kunai, until it brushed against something cold and smooth.

She pulled it out. A measly apple - bruised and beginning to soften, but an apple all the same. It would have to do. She slung her backpack back into position and walked on, taking a bite of the fruit as she continued. In about a mile, or perhaps a half hour, she had finished her snack but her hunger had only been slightly satisfied. She still craved something more, but she knew there was nothing left.

Then she heard it - water. A stream, a river. Whatever it was, water was flowing through it. She was getting thirsty, but that was not had made the sound so appealing. As the cool sound continued to hit her ears, she tracked the source while she recalled something Tsunade - a sharp pang hit her in the chest when she thought of her shishou - had taught her during her training.

The undergrowth beneath her feet grew more and more dense the closer she got, and when she saw the glistening surface of the stream, she remembered word for word the teachings of her mentor. _If you ever find yourself hungry without a thing to eat, drink some water. It won't provide you with any protein, but it will abate your hunger_.

Sakura eagerly crouched down and detached the canteen from the side of her pack. She held it halfway in the water, filling it up as much as she could, before gulping down a few sips and refilling the gap she had left. It was gritty and tasted of one too many earthly minerals, but it would have to do for now. She twisted the top back onto her canteen and stowed it away and only then did she catch a glimpse of her reflection.

Distorted by the movement of the water, but still ever so clear. She stared back at herself warily. She was almost positive that there was not another soul in the world with hair as pink as hers. With such a hair color, she would stick out like a sore thumb wherever she went, and someone was bound to recognize her whether they had met her before or not. There had been talk of Tsunade's pink-haired student, and who was Sakura to determine how far that talk had gone? The whole world might know, for all she could say.

Although she cherished the uniqueness of her natural hair color with every fiber of her being - it was a massive part of what made her who she was - she knew she had to change it. First, she snatched a kunai from her belongings and pulled her long, straight locks up and away from her face. She winced as she chopped several inches off haphazardly, leaving herself with a messy 'do that barely touched her shoulders. She dropped the cut hair into the river and watched it flow away with the current.

Next, she focused her chakra into her scalp. It tingled, like tiny little pin pricks, each hair follicle filling with energy until it was full, then dispersing into each strand and changing the color from a bubblegum pink to the first color Sakura could think of - a deep auburn-brown. It was certainly different, as she no longer could claim to stand out from a crowd. She wasn't used to being so average. But she still felt that it wasn't enough.

The farther away she got from her home, the lower the odds of her coming across someone who would recognize her face dropped. But she knew her irrational fears would never subside, even if she managed to get halfway across the world. Never before had she thought of covering her face on a regular basis - that was Kakashi's thing.

Kakashi's thing. All of his shirts - at least all the ones that she had seen - had masks built in. On him, he would pull the mask portion up to cover everything except his eyes. When Sakura wore his shirts, as she did on certain rare occasions, they were baggy and loose and she kept the mask tucked down to turn the top into a sort of makeshift turtleneck. His shirts were some of the most comfortable, but also the most durable articles of clothing she had ever put on her body.

Then it struck her. She perked up immediately and reached for her bag, shoving the contents out of the way as she searched for one item in particular. After a moment of digging, she found it - a lump of navy blue fabric. She tugged it out and unfolded it - it was his. He'd given it to her the first time she'd ever tried on one of his shirts because she'd loved it so much.

And now she had to take it apart. She grabbed a kunai and laid the article flat on the ground. After a couple moments of examination and contemplation, she decided where she needed to cut the fabric for her project to work out. By the time she was done snipping, she had cut an uneven v-neck into his long-sleeve shirt and she held only a mask with a neck and an extra bit of material at the bottom in her hands.

Then, after listening for anyone who might be approaching, she peeled off her brand new shirt, revealing her bindings underneath. She pulled a needle and some sutures out of her bag - materials that had lost their way to her medical kit and had been lurking at the bottom of her pack. It wouldn't be the most comfortable alteration, but she would make do with what she had.

As carefully and evenly as she could, she sewed the bottom end of the mask to the inside of her shirt then clipped the sutures when she was done. It was nowhere near perfect. She was no seamstress. But she threw it on anyway, and it served its intended purpose - she now had a shirt she would never wear with a mask she would never wear attached to it. And when she looked back at her reflection in the water, she was a different person.

She stood up and dusted herself off, then hiked her belongings up onto her shoulder and examined her full reflection in the river one last time. As an afterthought, she removed her khaki skirt and casted it into the water, leaving only her black shorts to cover her bottom.

There was something about changing her entire appearance that made Sakura feel very liberated. She was no longer tied down to the person she used to be. She would never again be Sakura of Konoha. She was just plain old Sakura now. But as relieving as it was to have sent some of her responsibility downstream with her old hair and skirt, there was still something unsettling about leaving for good.

She would later discover that the unsettling feeling was the guilt beginning to eat at her from the inside out.

* * *

_A/N: Fujo is so fun to write, I hope I can find a spot to fit him in again later on! Again, if you guys see any mistakes, go ahead and point them out to me. I had a beta this time, but even with two people and a computer spellchecking, mistakes can happen. Next chapter will come out some time next month and it will be called Responsibility. I hope you enjoyed! :)_


	4. Responsibility

_"So why worry?"  
"Because it's your responsibility!"_

- Simba & Nala

* * *

On some days, the sun did not shine very brightly. On such days, there was little that could tempt someone out of their home, much less someone who rarely liked to be roaming about in broad daylight in the first place. Usually, these days boasted the most cloudless skies and the gentlest winds and air as clear as all of heaven's days. But even pleasant weather could not make the sun appear brighter.

The earth, according to most scientists, revolved around the massive, flaming ball of gas known as the sun, but there was only one thing that Kakashi's world revolved around. And she was neither massive nor a ball of gas, but she was the brightest thing in his life, and when she was not around, it was like night had fallen permanently. Nothing shone as bright as she did.

In Kakashi's opinion, Haruno Sakura was without a doubt the best thing the world had to offer. She was smart and mature, but still retained a hint of childish naïvety that allowed her to keep her youthful demeanor. She was slim and petite, but she packed one hell of a punch. And while she was forever trying to crack through Kakashi's hard exterior, she would defend to the death his right to have one and understood his reasons for keeping himself closed off.

Or so she made it seem. On the rare occasions when the remaining members of Team Seven shared a mission together, Naruto made it quite clear that he was not satisfied with the pitiful amount of knowledge he had about his sensei. The blonde would poke and prod in hopes that he would be able to goad Kakashi into telling the team more about himself, and needless to say, the Copy Nin found this quite frustrating though he never let it show on his face. But Sakura had always treated him with endless patience, and never once had she shown disappointment in the fact that he chose not to open up very often.

It was when he finally did open up to her that he realized he was doomed. Once upon a time, the two of them had gone on a mission together, just them and the road they travelled. And during that assignment, a switch had been flicked somewhere, and Kakashi had never been able to look at Sakura the same as he had before. The girl who was just a friend suddenly became the only woman he could ever imagine himself with.

It happened when they had set up camp and settled down for their first night on the road. They would not reach their destination for many days afterward, and each of those days was painfully silent and awkward, but this one evening had consisted of ceaseless sharing. As Kakashi stared at the wall opposite his bed, he reflected on that night from three years ago.

* * *

_The tent offered little to no warmth for the two souls within, but it did provide shelter from the gentle rain. Usually, a shinobi would forego the use of a tent in order to save the time it would take to set it up and tear it down, but one Haruno Sakura had convinced her sensei to pitch one to keep them dry. It had been easy - all she had to do was jut her lower lip out slightly and fake a slight shiver to make him cave. For a ninja, he was easily manipulated._

_He would insist he was only trying to be chivalrous, but she knew better. He was partial to his only female student._

_So partial, in fact, that when they finally settled themselves inside and began to prepare themselves for sleep, he didn't bother to turn away from her when he tugged down his mask. This was not the first time she'd even seen his face, but it was the first time he'd ever willingly shown it to her, and for some reason, that made it all the more special to her._

_She was fairly sure there was not a sight more handsome in the world than his face. When she was twelve, she'd said the same thing about a certain Uchiha boy, but seeing Kakashi's face so up close and personal was now proving her wrong. He had a very strong, straight jawline paired with thin lips and a nose that was barely crooked in the middle, likely the result of a break that had never healed properly. A slight shadow of stubble could be seen upon his cheeks, and his teeth were perfectly aligned, but what most intrigued her was the way his mouth was set._

_Tilted slightly upward at the left corner as if in a permanent smirk. Seeing him look upon her now with that almost smug look across his face, she knew that all those silly conversations in movies and romance novels about loving someone's smile were all true. It was the best thing her eyes had ever seen, and that might have been what possessed her to make her next move._

_He sat still as a statue as she brought both of her hands up to cup either side of his face, the smooth pads of her thumbs brushing over the roughness of his cheeks in wonder. Cautiously, she inched closer and closer until their noses were nearly touching at the tips and their hot breath mingled together in the small gap between their mouths. Her unfaltering gaze met his equally intense, mismatched one in silence for what felt like an eternity before she finally spoke._

_"Will you tell me where you got your scar?"_

_One of her fingers traced along the scar in question, closing his Sharingan eye as her index ran along the length of it. He didn't hesitate when he replied, "I'll tell you anything you want."_

_Then she closed the short distance between them and pressed her mouth to his lightly. She was careful not to overwhelm him with any sort of passion and so she kept her mouth closed but firmly pressed against his. When he gave no response, she silently pulled away and nestled herself into her sleeping bag with her back facing him. He watched the steady rise and fall of her form until he was sure she'd fallen asleep, and then he settled down for some much needed rest himself._

_They did not speak of the strange occurrence the next day, nor did they speak of it for the rest of the mission. In fact, they rarely spoke at all, only communicating when pertinent to the assignment's completion. But two weeks after they returned home, she would slip into his apartment and steal another kiss. It would not be until her twentieth birthday that they would be able to repeat this action without weeks of awkward silence ensuing.

* * *

_

Everything had been so easy before then. He had no feelings for her other than a platonic concern for her safety as his comrade, but following that night, she became more than just a teammate. She'd been about nineteen then, and it wasn't until she was twenty-one that he realized what he felt towards her had been slowly festering inside of him until it had turned into some bizarre form of love.

He still could not say the words to himself. "_I love her_", "_I need her_", "_She changed my life_". But he knew somewhere in the deep recesses of his mind that it was the truth. And, presumably, that was what made his world so dull when she was not within reach. His job and Sakura were the only constant forces in his life. He just hated to admit that it seemed impossible to function when he didn't have the reigns on both.

But he carried on anyway. He would not have anything remotely close to a pleasant day, but he knew if he didn't make at least one appearance in town today, someone would come knocking on his door trying to convince him to go out that evening. So he reluctantly trudged out of his apartment and onto the streets of Konoha.

He knew it would be a bad day because the moment he set foot out of his apartment complex, he heard a familiar voice beckoning him. It was the call of the Hokage, and disregarding the fact that she sounded none too pleased with him, there was no way she would be venturing out of her office if he hadn't done something catastrophically disappointing.

"You! Hatake!"

She approached him swiftly with a determined stride. Her eyebrows were furrowed, forming a small wrinkle between her eyes, and there was something about the way she carried herself that threw Kakashi off. She was not angry - at least not with him. In fact, she appeared to be more confused than anything.

As she came closer, he held up one hand in greeting and dropped it when she was directly in front of him. Traditionally, one was expected to bow before their leader, but Tsunade and Kakashi had established long ago that such a gesture was formal to an uncomfortable extent between two people of their personalities. Any conversation of theirs when viewed from the outside looking in would appear to be entirely casual when in reality, they could be, and probably would be discussing matters of national security.

"You haven't seen your student around recently, have you?" she asked.

"Which one? The traitor or the jinchuuriki?" He had a feeling she wasn't looking for either Sasuke or Naruto, but the temptation to mess around with her on an otherwise boring day was too strong to resist.

"The one you've been sleeping with."

Evidently, two could play at that game. Kakashi, though startled by the bluntness of her words, kept a poker face and stared at her, blinking, in silence for a moment before replying, "Oh. She's on a mission, isn't she?"

A pause. Tsunade's brows knitted closer together. "I didn't put her on any mission."

There was an odd moment of tension as Kakashi watched the gears in Tsunade's head begin to turn. Then, slowly, the Hokage's jaw fell slack and her eyebrows relaxed. If their exchange had been a storm brewing, it would have broken the moment Tsunade cursed, "Shit!", before sprinting away in the direction of Sakura's apartment.

She immediately took to the rooftops and, intrigued, Kakashi followed her. He made sure to stay close behind so she knew of his presence. She did not address him, but she knew he was there, and if she wanted him gone she would say so. Instead, the two of them travelled together, reaching their destination - the front door of Sakura's apartment building - in a matter of minutes.

Tsunade barged into the complex and tromped up the stairs to Sakura's third floor apartment. Had the door been locked, she would have kicked it down and dealt with the backlash from the landlord at a later date. But when she reached out and turned the knob, already prepared to jiggle it into submission, the latch easily clicked and the door squeaked as it swung open enough to allow a crack for peeping through.

Although that crack was perfect for spying, subtlety had never been Tsunade's forté. The blonde simply threw herself into the middle of the apartment and let out a frustrated grumble when she found it vacant. She unceremoniously stomped down one short hallway until she reached a bedroom that Kakashi could admit to being quite familiar with. He'd been welcomed into it many times, but something was off about it this time around.

As he kicked his way around piles of clothes, documents, and trash, he tried to place his finger on it. Aside from the fact that Sakura wasn't in here with him, which was peculiar enough on its own, there was certainly something different about the room that made Kakashi itch. It wasn't until Tsunade had thrown open the door to the closet and let out a cry of angry dismay at finding it nearly empty that Kakashi realized what it was.

On the unmade bed was a small case, opened and toppled over with various medical tools spilling out of it. It wasn't at all unusual to see random objects strewn across Sakura's covers, nor did he consider a syringe or two out of place, but to see her entire medical kit abandoned was bizarre. She always took it on missions, and the only reason he could fathom for her not bringing it along was if she simply did not have enough room.

Furthermore, her closet was absent of everything except a few frilly, formal dresses that he'd never even seen Sakura wear before. If Kakashi had learned one thing about his only female student over the years he'd spent enduring her complaints of having too much weight to carry, it was that she preferred to travel lightly. And with nothing but three gowns and a sundress left in her wardrobe, he knew she wasn't traveling even remotely lightly wherever she had gone.

Still, that begged the question, _why_? Why did she have so much stuff with her? It did not seem reasonable, but the only idea he could conjure up was that she hadn't gone away on any mission. She'd just gone away. She left. But what had chased her away? As he mulled over this inquiry, he heard Tsunade plop herself down on Sakura's messy bed sheets and blow out a sigh.

"Why do I feel like this is all my fault?" she asked.

"What do you mean?"

The Hokage glanced warily up at the copy nin, then quieted her voice and mumbled, "Nothing I tell you leaves this room. Is that clear?"

"Crystal."

The blonde seemed to take in a large breath in preparation for her big reveal. It was unlike her to be so hesitant. Everyone who had ever encountered her knew her to be quick, always making split-second decisions and easily letting her temper get the better of her. Whatever she had to tell him was clearly bothering her, and when she finally opened up, he realized with all clarity what was so unsettling about the secret.

"I chose her to be the next Hokage."

Kakashi stood before her in a long, stunned silence before he demanded, "Now who told you that was a good idea?"

"Well I didn't know she would run away! That idiot. That _profound_ idiot."

Suddenly, Sakura's motives were all too clear. Kakashi had known a couple kunoichi in his lifetime who had turned tail when the going got tough, but Sakura wasn't like that. She usually stuck things out until the end, and if a situation got difficult, she would take it in stride. But everyone had their breaking point. Being assigned such a position of authority must have been Sakura's.

Kakashi felt a strong magnetic pull towards the door. Every fiber of his being told him to go. Go now and find her, before she got too far, but he knew he wouldn't get away with it with the most powerful woman in all of Konoha - perhaps in all the world - sitting right in front of him. Despite the fact that she was the most unorganized person he'd ever known, she preferred to handle situations like these in an orderly fashion. Not that there were runaways every day, but that was all the more reason for her to treat it carefully. Assemble a team and take it step by step until they found her.

_If_ they found her.

All he could do now was talk to Tsunade and try to convince her that it wasn't her fault, even if he had his own doubts that it wasn't entirely her doing.

Surely this was the wrong thing to say at the wrong time, but before he could stop himself, he said, "Sakura would make a terrible Hokage. She's headstrong and temperamental and-"

Tsunade's eyes narrowed at him, and the phrase "_if looks could kill_" came to mind. With a frosty tone, she grumbled, "You mean she's exactly like me?"

Kakashi paused to swallow the fearful lump that had formed in his throat before speaking again. "No, that's not what I meant."

The woman sighed again. "That doesn't matter right now. What matters is finding her before she gets too far."

At that, Kakashi was suddenly filled with copious, uncharacteristic amounts of energy, as though he were Naruto gearing up for a dangerous mission. His nose was twitching now, already trying to pick up her scent. He fought back the urge to shout, "_Send me! I can find her! I have a good nose!_" But even if he was the best tracker in the village, he hadn't a doubt in his mind that Sakura had taken extra precautions to make sure she wouldn't be found.

Of course he would still manage to track her down eventually. It would just take a few more men, and perhaps one wrinkly-faced dog.

He had to calm himself down so his voice wouldn't quaver when he reluctantly admitted, "I don't know about that. She really stands by her decisions. If she wanted to leave, she might as well be halfway across the country by now."

"As much as your exaggeration disheartens me, we have to at least try."

And try they would. If Kakashi had any say in it, Sakura would be home by sundown.

* * *

Along with being the only one of her cats she deemed trustworthy, Fujo was also the only one who could summon himself to her side. She didn't think this was even possible, until she realized he was not the only summon who did this. Pakkun managed the same feat - appearing out of nowhere, often times scaring half the life out of Sakura and her teammates.

Fujo's ability was not only convenient, but uplifting, as she did not have to expend any energy to keep him there and she'd been longing for some company for the past mile. She'd only ever taken one solo mission, and as she recalled, it was the single most miserable experience of her life. Having to rely solely on her own skill and wit, and furthermore, having no one to talk to about it? Not exactly something she wanted to relive.

But to have one of her most trusted companions by her side as she walked her lonely road heartened her. In addition to the fact that he could talk and would almost always agree with her, Fujo was cute and fluffy, and that was about as much as Sakura could ask of a friend.

However, despite the fact that he was the only living creature within a radius of several miles that she could talk to, he could make quite a nuisance of himself. When he acted in such obnoxious ways, such as the way he was circling her as she walked now, chirping, "_Sakura-chan, Sakura-chan, Sakura-chan~!_" repeatedly in a sing-song tone, she almost considered sending him away if only for the return of silence.

But that would only end in another mental breakdown.

"Fujo, are you ever quiet?" she moaned, rubbing furiously at her temples.

"Fujo can be quiet if Sakura-chan wants him to be!" Then he tightly closed his mouth and kept it shut for about a minute, before he let out a heavy sigh and gasped, "He can't, he can't."

"He didn't even try."

The slender feline's long black tail twitched indignantly as he muttered, "Sakura-chan is only being mean because she misses Dog-chan."

Sakura came to a sudden halt, her lightweight boots kicking up dust as she stomped them into place. "Sakura-chan is being mean because Fujo doesn't know how to shut his big fat mouth."

Fujo trotted along until he stood before her. He glared up at her with his narrow, green eyes as his tail flicked impatiently, almost as if he was expecting something. It was unusual for Sakura to snap at him, even when he was a bother, and when she did, she usually had a tendency to forgive him quickly and easily.

True to form, it only took her about a minute of hard staring until she deflated and held out her arms to him. He cheerily leaped into them and twisted himself around until she was cradling him belly-up. "Tummy," he demanded.

As Sakura's hands tickled his stomach lightly, he sniffed, "When will Sakura-chan learn that Fujo knows everything."

In a way, that was true. He was not intelligent, but intelligence and wisdom were two entirely different matters. While Fujo was not book smart by any means, he could tell a lot about a person just by the way they carried themselves, and he'd learned enough about Sakura to know full well that there were only three things in this world that really ground her gears.

They were all teammates of hers. While she found plenty of things annoying and unpleasant, she was, contrary to popular belief, quite good at concealing her frustration. It was only when the three men she'd come to rely on the most - those men being Naruto, Sai, and Kakashi - got to her that she took her anger out on other people.

Or in this case, on cats.

Fujo was right, as usual. "Dog-chan", or as he was more commonly known, Kakashi was precisely why she was acting unpleasantly. She would never admit it to Fujo's fuzzy, arrogant butt though.

"I don't miss him," she insisted. "He pissed me off. That's all."

A disbelieving, but amused purr rumbled in Fujo's throat. His eyes slipped shut, and for a moment, Sakura thought she would be free of his judgmental mannerisms if only for a couple hours while he napped. But just before he disappeared in a wispy curl of smoke, he mumbled, "Fujo does not know Sakura-chan's language well, but he thinks that means she misses Dog-chan."

* * *

Tsunade's instructions had been quite clear.

There were but two men assigned to tracking down the runaway kunoichi - one being Kakashi, as he wouldn't have allowed it any other way, and the other being Tenzou. The latter of the two did not really know the girl beyond the bond they shared as teammates, but he could blend in with the trees if it came down to stealth.

He was also quite good at knocking sense into Kakashi, and Tsunade had a feeling that man would be at a loss for common sense with Sakura gone.

She had told them in basic, but crystal clear terms that their assignment was not to find her and bring her back. Not yet. They were to find a trail - a scent trail, some belongings left behind, footprints. Anything that would provide them a lead, and they were to immediately report it back to her without taking any action of their own. She would then assign a few more people to their squad. Shinobi known for traveling quickly and taking orders well, so they could follow the trail speedily with the help of Kakashi's nose.

She should have known telling Kakashi not to follow the only woman that had ever mattered to him would be a lost cause.

He stared down now at a red forehead protector that he clutched tightly in his left hand, wringing the coarse fabric of it in his right. Normally, he wouldn't be drawing conclusions so soon. There were many women, and men for that matter, who fancied red and each shinobi was given a choice as to what color they wanted their gear to be. But the road he'd found it on was not a road often traveled - in fact, it wasn't a road at all. Just a field of sorts with soft, lush grass and trees planted sparsely at one end, growing thicker the closer one walked towards the foliage.

So it was not as if anyone would have dropped it there. But what ultimately tipped him off was the tiny heart etched into the face of the metal in the top right corner. Kakashi could recall exactly how that heart-shaped scratch had gotten there.

* * *

_Ino was spending way too much time with Genma, and Kakashi knew that because Sakura told him the senbon she was currently using to scratch the metal surface of her forehead protector had been given to her by the blonde. For one, Kakashi knew that Ino did not just carry around senbon of her own - she was like Sakura and preferred to use her bare fists instead of weapons, though she was not nearly as good at it - and for two, he was quite sure that Genma would hand Ino the moon on a string should she ask, so one measly needle was no big deal._

_Of course, she could have just swiped it from Shizune or gotten it from the hospital, but then she would have missed out on the opportunity to flirt, and while there were many things Kakashi had yet to learn about the girl, he already knew the Yamanaka daughter quite enjoyed flirting._

_However, as well as he claimed to know Sakura, he could not figure out why she was defacing her own property. It hardly concerned him at the moment. Mostly he was worried about the fact that, because her hitai-ate was absent from her hair and in the palm of her hand, her bangs were hanging over her eyes and partially obstructing her vision. She could take near fatal wounds to the gut and survive to tell the tale, but God forbid she prick herself with a senbon._

_He watched her from behind for a moment, observing the way her body jiggled slightly as her hand shook back and forth, etching something into the metal. He wasn't sure whether or not his next move was acceptable at this point in their relationship, but instead of dwelling on it, he simply acted. He crouched down behind her and brought his hands around to her face so he could pull her fringe behind her ears. Then he craned his neck forward to see over her shoulder and said, "Some people pay good money for those things."_

_"Some people don't work for a woman who can give them out free of charge."_

_"What are you doing?"_

_"What does it look like?"_

_Well, it looked like she was scratching a heart into the face of her headband._

_"It looks like you're scratching a heart into the face of your headband."_

_"Can't get anything past you, can I?"_

_"Why, though?"_

_"You ever wonder why Naruto loses these things all the time?"_

_"Actually... no. But please, enlighten me."_

_Sakura stopped her work for a moment to glare ominously at Kakashi, as if she wanted nothing more than to stick the senbon straight through his throat. But that would interrupt her project, and she would have to fetch another one or clean the blood from the one she was already using. More trouble than it was worth. So she turned back and continued her efforts._

_"It's because all these damn things look exactly the same," she explained. "He takes it off for just one second and sets it down in a room full of shinobi and someone is bound to swipe it, thinking it belongs to them. Well, I'm not letting that happen to me."_

_She lifted the tool from the garment and set it aside. All done. After dusting off the miniscule metal shavings from the surface, she showed her handiwork to her sensei and beamed brightly at him._

_"A heart, though?" he had to ask._

_"Hey, at least everyone will know it's mine. Plus, I think it's kinda cute." After what looked like a moment of contemplation, she set the newly modified headpiece down beside her and made grabby hands at Kakashi's own. "Here, let me do yours!"

* * *

_

He hadn't allowed her to deface his property, of course, and it had taken some pointed words and a bit of tussling to get her to back off. But it had all been in good fun, and staring down at that tiny little heart only made his own, significantly larger heart beat irregularly. It was strange, not to mention uncomfortable and disheartening, that he might never share such moments with her again.

But he would, if he had anything to say about it.

His grip tightened around the metal, so much so that the edges began to cut into his calloused skin. "Where the hell did you go?" he muttered.

His own nose would be of little use to him. He was known for many things, and one of those things was his skill as a tracker, but he was not so good that he could rely on his own senses to find her. If he was going after her, he would need help. So, using the blood that already seeped slowly out of the small wounds on his hands, he conjured up a small, pudgy dog just as his partner caught up to him.

"Sempai!" he heard Tenzou call. "Have you found her trail?"

Kakashi ignored the voice and instructed the creature, "Pakkun, follow Sakura's scent trail. Lead the way."

"We don't have orders to follow her, we were only supposed to find her trail." Tenzou watched warily as the dog bounded up into the nearest tree and began to faithfully follow his master's direction.

As Kakashi made to follow his summon, he said, "I'm not gonna lose her, Tenzou."

Tenzou knew this was a battle he would most likely lose, but if he dared to go against his Hokage's word, he would be losing a lot more than just a fight with his sempai. He would be losing fingers, limbs, and certain unmentionable appendages, if she didn't go for his head first. So, with a sigh that reflected the fact that he very well knew his superior's pain, he whipped out a kunai and tossed it at the stout dog, forcing the animal to poof away before being struck by the weapon. The blade landed lodged in a tree branch.

Kakashi let a frustrated growl rumble in his chest as he hopped down from his tree and stared directly ahead, refusing to look back at his kohai. He knew he was in the wrong, for once, but he would sooner cut off his own hand than admit it to his subordinate.

"I know how you are about protecting your teammates." He felt Tenzou step up behind him and before he could take any steps forward to avoid the sympathetic touch he knew was coming, the heavy weight of his partner's hand settled onto his shoulder. "But we can't go around disobeying orders because you're worried. Tsunade-sama will send-"

"I'm not worried about her," Kakashi snapped. "She can take care of herself. I just-"

"I know." Kakashi spared a glance at Tenzou's face and found that it was not characteristically blank. His mouth was curved in a slight smile and his brows had started to knit together in a knowing expression. Kakashi was not an easy man to get to know, and it was even harder to infer things about him that he refused to reveal, but Tenzou was one of only two people in the entire world that could see right through him. The other was the woman Tenzou knew Kakashi cared very strongly for. And while the woodworker had no way of knowing if his words was true, he had no choice but to comfort his friend by saying, "We'll find her. But in good time."

Kakashi had to admit that Tenzou was right. As tempted as he was to blow his responsibilities off and follow her, he was also unprepared. There was no telling how far she'd gotten, and if she had her heart set upon not being found, there was a good chance the trail he'd found had only been set up as a decoy. As much as he hated to, he had to let her go for now.

A half-hearted promise to return to the village seemed to satisfy Tenzou, as the younger of the two walked away after hearing it, presumably to allow the Hatake some time to himself to get his act back together. He stayed there for a moment, staring into the thickness of the trees, and briefly contemplated going against his word and following his student anyway. But he knew that would not fare well with his leader.

Still, he would not abandon her. As a silent promise to himself that he would bring her back home soon, he shoved her forehead protector into his pocket and shuffled on home.

* * *

_A/N: More Fujo, as promised. :) Hope you enjoyed! The next chapter will be up next month and will be called Coup. Thanks for reading!_


	5. Coup

_"So prepare for the coup of the century. Be prepared for the murkiest scam. Meticulous planning, tenacity spanning, decades of denial is simply why I'll be king undisputed, respected, saluted, and seen for the wonder I am. Yes, my teeth and ambitions are bared. Be prepared."_

- Scar

* * *

If the headlines were to be believed, Konoha's number one young kunoichi had been AWOL, missing in action, _gone_ for three whole years. According to the newsstands, nothing much had changed around Sakura's home village, except the Hokage and her petty little assistant were scrambling around, trying to find a suitable replacement because apparently, the leader's years were numbered.

How was it that the papers hardly reported actual news anymore? Nowadays, it was just stories on situations that had remained stagnant for extended periods of time. For example: _Hokage's Apprentice Still Gone After Three Years_. For some, this was a daunting reminder. Aside from the Hokage herself, Haruno Sakura was known throughout all the villages as the strongest kunoichi and best medic-nin in all of Konoha.

For one pale lady with long, inky black hair that cascaded downwards until it brushed the base of her spine, this was joy in its finest form. Everything she'd ever worked for, and everything that had ever been torn right out of her grasp would be hers in due time if she played her cards right.

And she was undefeated in a game of poker.

The black and white print spewed gossip and rumors about the missing girl. That she'd run away to join some underground legion of assassins, that she'd been kidnapped and was currently being interrogated for confidential information regarding Konoha and its leader, and even that she had simply been murdered and disposed of.

Now the raven-haired woman, sitting at her worn desk in a dark, damp room with one lonely lightbulb dangling from the ceiling to aid her eyesight, couldn't help but laugh. At the end of this article was a small blurb on how, in addition to the chaos of trying to find one of the village's most important assets, the great Tsunade had a tough decision to make - she needed to choose a successor before her time ran out.

Well, the poor blonde needn't worry too much. Helpful young Kuragari, with her malevolent acidy green eyes would take care of that. Her chuckles grew louder and louder in volume until she was laughing maniacally, the sound of it bouncing off of the walls and ringing about in the large room she was centered in. She would let the chaos simmer for a bit until it reached the last second before it's boiling point.

Then she would make her move.

* * *

There were few things that Shizune loved more than her job. Practicing medicine was one of them, but she had pretty much taken that up as a second occupation to fill the time she did not spend tailing Tsunade around the village. While being the Hokage's assistant was not the most glamorous of careers, it did allow her to spend most of her time with someone she was close to and someone who was, more often than not, easy to talk to.

However, Tsunade was flawed like any other human being, and there were times when Shizune would have preferred to talk to anyone else. Even the object of her hatred, who was at this point in time one Hatake Kakashi. In truth, she had no justified reason to hate him. All she knew was that he was probably the last person Sakura had spoken to before she left, and he hadn't yet told anyone what she'd said that night.

Also, she was probably a little bit jealous. Sakura confided in Shizune almost as much as Tsunade did. Why did Kakashi, as a man who was often gone on missions he could very well not return from, get special treatment while Shizune, the woman who had always been there and always would be, only got blown off?

Tsunade did not care as much about being tossed aside by Sakura. She seemed more concerned over finding a new successor, which made sense, looking at it from a leader's perspective. She had to make sure whatever decision she made was in Konoha's best interest. So far, Shizune had spent an extra three hours with Tsunade in her office, giving the thumbs down to every suggestion the blonde managed to conjure up. Needless to say, having no options left caused the Hokage quite a bit of stress. She had twice already thrown a stapler in Shizune's direction. The poor brunette had only narrowly missed the first pair of projectiles. She only hoped her superior had run out heavy office supplies.

Currently, the two women sat several feet away from each other at separate desks, each of them refusing to lift their head and face the other. Shizune for fear of being pulverized with a hole puncher and Tsunade for fear that whatever she said next would be shot down the moment it came out of her mouth. The Hokage's head hung low, her long bangs hanging in her face as she wracked her brain for suitable options. Shizune had resorted to shuffling papers around on her desk in a feeble attempt to appear busy - in all honesty, she did have a bit of work to finish, but she simply could not focus with so much tension clogging the air. She would need to head outside for some oxygen if the situation didn't let up soon.

Shizune winced when she heard Tsunade's sturdy fingernails begin to tap in a steady rhythm against the hard wood of her desk. The tick - that nervous tick Shizune had grown so accustomed to over the years - was starting up again, and that meant only one thing. The gears were now turning. Tsunade was getting ready to say something her assistant was not in the mood to hear. The petite brunette braced herself.

"How about Shikamaru?"

Shizune dropped her head onto the table before her and stayed in that position for a long moment. Her fingers itched as they often did these day to curl around Tsunade's neck and shake the living daylight out of her, but that would only cause more problems. All the decisions would be left for Shizune to make, and furthermore, she would have to dig a grave big enough for such heaving breasts.

Finally, she took a deep breath and said, "The elders would not accept him and you know it. For all intents and purposes, he has a family these days, what with the way he's always hovering over Kurenai and her girl. They won't take him away from the two people who need him most."

"Iruka, then? He's a knowledgeable, well-rounded guy."

"You suggested him two hours ago, and I already told you, he's too soft spoken and he's not great with strategy or decision-making." Shizune let that sink in before adding, "And he's too much of a worry wart about the kid to ever put Naruto on a mission. You know we need that boy out in the field."

Tsunade brought her thumb up to her mouth where she tapped her nail against her teeth in thought. For a moment, it seemed like she was about to give up for the night, but then her eyes widened, setting alarm bells off in Shizune's head. She would most certainly _not_ like the next thing to come out of her master's mouth.

"Kakashi."

"_No_."

"Well, why the hell not?" The exasperated blonde slammed her hand flat against her desk. "You're leaving me with few other options."

"He's-"

"Experienced, strategic, quick, and an elite jonin." Tsunade thought about barking something about how this should be _her _decision in the first place, but she promptly bit it back. Shizune was, after all, her advisor and her opinion meant more to her than anyone else's. "And the elders like him, so they'd have no trouble assigning him to the job."

"But he's not in a stable frame of mind right now," Shizune pointed out. "He's within inches of ditching us all to go after Sakura. In fact, I'm surprised he hasn't done so already. He's completely smitten, you know."

"Sure, but he's loyal. If we gave him a good reason to stay - and dare I say this is a good reason - don't you think-"

"I just don't feel that it's in the village's best interest." Truth be told, Kakashi was their best bet. He had all the qualities a good leader needed and he was trusted all throughout Konoha. Leadership would suit him nicely. In fact, Shizune was surprised that Tsunade hadn't thought of him earlier, but then again, she hadn't had her wits about her in recent years. Most likely, her brain was a little scrambled.

But as much truth as there was in Shizune's reasons against him taking the position, she had to admit to herself that the real reason behind her turning him down was that she just didn't like him much these days. No doubt with Tsunade passing the torch, she would also be passing down everything that went along with calling oneself Hokage. That included the hired help. Tsunade was barely tolerable herself sometimes, but would Shizune be able to bare Kakashi's aloof, almost condescending nature, especially at a point in time when she despised him so?

The answer was a loud, resounding no.

"He puts his teammates above everything," Shizune finished finally. "He would sooner cut off his own leg than he would take up the very position that scared his closest comrade away."

The blonde opposite Shizune breathed out a heavy, agitated sigh. "Okay," she muttered. "I'll need some time to think, then." She glanced warily at her young advisor, then said, "You're dismissed."

"Are you sure?" the younger of the two asked. "I don't mind staying awhile longer if you still need me."

"Just go home, Shizune." The woman in question stifled a shiver at the ice in Tsunade's tone. "We'll talk about this later."

Reluctantly, Shizune backed down. She gathered up some unfinished paperwork from her desk and slowly rose from her seat, purposely taking her time in exiting should her leader request for her to stay after all. But even as Shizune was halfway out the door, there were no calls of her name to beckon her back. So, with great trepidation about the days to come, the assistant stepped out, relieving herself of duty for the night.

The girl did not often leave the administrative office without two bulky folders of paperwork to fill out and file, and she should have been thanking her lucky stars that she didn't have a late night of work ahead of her on top of having just served extra unpaid hours. But there were so many things surrounding her life right now that brought her down, she didn't have the energy to be pleased.

So with her measly little stack of documents, she set on her way home, no more eager to get there than she would be to dive head first into shark-infested waters. There was nothing more than a broken air conditioning unit and loud neighbors waiting for her. As she walked the darkening streets, she began to silently count the things she would rather be doing.

One of those things was not bumping into Kakashi, the one insane man who happened to be out and about at ten in the evening. But trust her own damn luck to turn against her in such a way.

Without fail, he performed his familiar eye crease for her and held up one gloved hand in greeting. "Yo, Shizune."

Her brow pinched down and she fought the urge to smack him over the head with her files. But her mother had always warned her that her words would serve her better than violence, even if Shizune had grown up to choose a career that contradicted that philosophy. Still, she was for whatever reason tempted to spare him this evening. As much as he was begging for a slap upside the head, she only barked, "Oh no. We're not friends today. We are not friends, nor are we colleagues or teammates. We're not even acquaintances, Kakashi."

He noted how she had dropped the respectful honorific she usually attached to the end of his name but chose to say nothing of it, instead musing aloud, "For such a small person, you have so much hate in your heart."

Her free hand curled into a fist and began to shake at her side. How could he maintain a painfully unaffected exterior when she knew with all certainty that he was torn apart on the inside? Shinobi etiquette be damned, a person in his position should not be expected to keep a poker face.

"How can you act like you don't even care?" she asked, her anger causing a tremor in her voice.

"Care about what?"

"That Sakura is gone? You know, your girlfriend?"

"She was never-"

"Don't give me that bullshit." Kakashi would have made some remark about how it was very unbecoming, not to mention uncharacteristic, for Shizune to swear so loudly and openly, but he was distracted by the whoosh of air her hand made as it came down to smack him. He easily caught it before it made contact and simply dropped it. Shizune let it fall limp at her side again, but didn't hold back the chagrin in her tone as she continued, "You might have tried to pass her off as a casual fuck, but the whole village could see she was more than that. She was your student, for goodness' sake."

He thought to make a comment about her usage of the past tense - Sakura was _still_ his student, and she would remain so until there was proof beyond any shadow of a doubt that either one of them had died. However, he was not in the mood to test Shizune's temper - the woman's patience was quite obviously wearing thin and anyone who spent so much time around Tsunade was bound to have picked up some of her bad habits, including her quickness to anger. He'd learned that from the very kunoichi they were discussing. He shrugged and said, "Very well, then, but I don't see how Sakura's disappearance concerns me."

If he'd been telling the truth, he might have actually agreed with the brunette. As Sakura's sensei, he automatically had to take some responsibility for her actions. If he wasn't so afraid of finding her corpse rotting in a ditch in some run down border village, and also of sustaining the unspeakable injuries Tsunade would undoubtedly wreak on his poor body if he were to go against her word, he would have set off to find his student a long time ago.

"I refuse to believe that she would have left if you two were on good terms," Shizune explained, shaking Kakashi out of his thoughts. "And as her closest female friend, I am required to hate you for hurting her feelings. Even if I am not totally sure you did anything at all."

"You sound like Sai," he remarked.

"Go to hell."

"I was planning on it. But first, I think you should know that she actually visited me the night before she left, and I'll have you know she seemed perfectly happy with me then. Even when-" Oh, dear.

Kakashi couldn't count with just his ten fingers how many times Sakura had visited him before she'd gone off on a mission. When she'd crept into his apartment that night, he hadn't figured anything out of the ordinary was up, and so he'd let his guard down. If he'd been paying attention, he might have noticed the peculiarity in the way she was almost pleading with him to reciprocate her feelings aloud.

He hadn't budged.

"'Even when' what?" He couldn't form words. He was so stunned by his retrospective oversight that he'd lost the ability to explain it properly. Even as the thoughts bounced around his head, they were jumbled and incoherent. He only managed to snap out of it when Shizune gasped and demanded, "You mean to tell me you saw her before she left and made no moves to stop her? You're a lot lower than I thought."

"She told me she was going on a mission," Kakashi finally uttered. "She always visits me before missions. There was nothing particularly weird about it." Except for the fact that she'd been trying to goad him into saying 'I love you', which she had respectfully refrained from up until that point. Damn, he should have noticed that, but he wasn't about to give Shizune another reason to hate his guts. "Believe me, if I'd known what she was planning, I would have done everything in my power to keep her here."

Shizune arched one thin brow skeptically and eyed him, clearly judging his character. He was a hard man to read, but for the life of her, she couldn't find any dishonesty in the way he spoke. Still, she had to ask, "Even before you knew she was next in line?"

"Without a doubt in my mind."

At last, she relaxed her tense posture and let her smile show once more. There was little feeling behind it, as she still had plenty of other things to worry about, but at least she no longer had to despise a man who could probably kill her three hundred and forty two different ways using only his pinky finger. "Okay, I guess we can be friends again," she caved. "But when Tsunade finally sends out that retrieval squad, I want you to be in charge of it."

"I wouldn't have it any other way," Kakashi said with conviction.

At that, the brunette gave him a short nod and carried on her way. She still had hundreds upon thousands of concerns rolling about her mind, and it would likely be a long time before she could truly kick back and relax. But her easy forgiveness towards Kakashi was certainly a load off her mind. Even so, as she walked with a longer stride towards her home, she was so deep in consideration about other problems that she took no heed of the suspicious black-haired girl roaming the streets with her head hung low.

As soon as Shizune had passed, that same suspicious girl picked up her pace and continued onward to her destination. She had already slowed herself twice in order to avoid seeming too eager, but now that she was in the clear, she could run to the administrative office if she so pleased. However, she was not in the mood to risk it. Surely an unfamiliar woman dashing through the dimly lit streets and alleys of Konoha would raise some eyebrows if someone _did_ see her so late at night.

She kept on at a reasonable pace until she'd reached the nearly empty tower. The heavy doors opened easily for her and she gracefully climbed each flight of stairs until she had reached the office of the woman she had traveled so far to see.

The Hokage herself.

Without hesitation, she brought her hand up to rap against the thick wood of the door three times. From within, she heard a tired, raspy voice call, "Come in." She pushed the sturdy door open and allowed herself inside, keeping her head tilted downward which, by all appearances, was merely a sign of respect for such a highly ranking authority figure.

"Greetings, Hokage-sama," she said quietly.

At the unfamiliar voice, Tsunade glanced up and regarded her visitor warily. Upon her inspection of the girl, she noticed a hitai-ate with a distinctive musical note carved neatly into the metal tied around her left thigh. "You made a mistake coming here, kid," the blonde warned.

"I assure you, I come alone and in peace." It was only a half-lie, really. She truly was alone. Who ever got anywhere in life by being completely honest? "I'm only here to beg forgiveness for my father's wrongdoing and humbly ask permission to live in your village."

"Your father?" Tsunade sook her head. Nevermind the girl's parentage. It mattered not _who_ she came from, but where, and if the gear tied around her leg was any indication, she was an Oto shinobi. There had to be an ulterior motive lurking somewhere beneath the surface. "I'm sorry, I can't trust that there's no trap here."

"Oh, but Tsunade..."

The Hokage started at the transformation of a strange voice into an eerily familiar one that leaked out of the stranger's mouth. At once, a shiver ran down her spine. If the lack of the honorific didn't tip her off, it was the new voice - a voice that she'd most definitely heard before - that told her this person knew her. But, even though Tsunade could only see the top of her hair and the glossy roots of her long black locks, she was fairly sure she'd never met this person before in her life.

"I was trained to kill, not to lie. I was hoping to do this peacefully, but if you must die for me to have my way, then so be it," the voice threatened.

All too late, Tsunade realized where she'd heard it before. Just as the girl before her lifted her head so that her entire face was clearly visible, Tsunade put a name and a face to that voice, and when her eyes met those of her visitor's, her heart sputtered.

She brought one manicured hand up to clutch over her chest and desperately tried to remember how she was supposed to stop a heart attack in its tracks. For goodness' sake, she was the finest medic in the village. She was the finest in all the villages, she should know how to do this. But so many thoughts had flooded into her mind all at once, she couldn't sift through them fast enough to find a cure.

For a moment, the girl could only chuckle wickedly. When her laughs subsided, she asked, "What, you don't recognize me? Of course you don't, we haven't exactly met, but I hear you and my dad were childhood friends. My name is Kuragari. So lovely to make your acquaintance." When the blonde woman only continued her hacking coughs, Kuragari cast an annoyed glance up at her reflection in the window behind Tsunade's desk. "Ah, yes, I can see how my appearance could be unsettling. Especially to you. You needn't worry too much, though. I'm not who you think I am."

"Impossible," Tsunade choked.

With a smile, Kuragari revealed, "I'm only his daughter."

She then closed her eyes and listened to the choked sounds of Tsunade's labored breathing as it finally ceased. There was but one heart left pumping in the room, and it was Kuragari's own. Perhaps there was something to be said for taking after her father after all. She opened her eyes and stared at herself in the window once more, and for the first time, she took pride in the purple birthmarks encompassing her eyes that shouted loud and clear just who she was.

* * *

"You don't have to go running off like that, woman."

"Yeah, we just want to talk to you for a little bit, ain't that right, buddy?"

"That's right."

Sakura felt rough bark touch her shoulders as the two men before her backed her into a tree. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she'd felt iffy about the spot she'd chosen to take a break in. She should have listened to her head for once instead of letting her sore feet get the better of her. It was just her luck that two burly bastards would corner her and begin to make such lewd comments, wasn't it?

Under any other circumstances, she would have given these guys a piece of her mind - or rather a piece of her fist. But she'd been traveling for several days straight and had only just taken a break. Her chakra had been sitting stagnant in her body, as she hadn't used it to quicken her pace at all and she hadn't needed to perform any jutsu since she'd tripped a month ago and had a nasty gash on her knee to heal.

So she was trapped under the claustrophobic gaze of these two galactic assholes who had nothing better to do than go around harassing weary women and she had chakra that wasn't willing to cooperate. A simple matter of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Perhaps if she could shock them still, she could tie them up and leave them here to die.

Her fist clenched and though her chakra was running slow and lazily through her veins, she began to focus it into her hand. To distract them from noticing her motive, she argued, "I'm sure it's not in good taste to _force_ a lady to engage in conversation."

Bad idea. Before she'd finished focusing her energy, the larger of the two men huffed in annoyance and grabbed her arm, wrenching it behind her back. She gasped and tried to wriggle out of his grasp, but almost instantly, the other man yanked down her mask and roughly captured her lips, stunning her for about a fraction of a second.

Then her adrenaline quickly responded, and quite suddenly, she found herself able to break free of his hold. She wasn't quite warmed up yet and had to rely on her own natural strength and flexibility to aid her in this fight, but surely it would be enough to take down two uneducated oafs.

For a moment, they both seemed to gawk at her, as if they'd never seen a woman put up such a fight before. And perhaps out here, they hadn't. If they'd lived anywhere near Konoha, they wouldn't have dared come near her with such dirty intentions. Of course, if the three of them were in Konoha right now, Kakashi probably would have decapitated both of the bums in a split second just for glancing at her wrong.

Her eyes fell downward to stare at the floor as she was suddenly overwhelmed with thoughts of her former home. Did they miss her? Were they still looking for her? Had they ever _tried_ to find her? She was sure that by now, they all thought she was a goner. There was no way Tsunade would have told them that Sakura was intended to be Hokage. Most likely, the entire village had assumed she'd gone off on a mission and never returned.

The men shook themselves out of their stupor and charged clumsily towards her. Already, she assumed they would be no match for her if they were so uncoordinated. But, damn, she couldn't let her guard down again. She jumped out of their way, only narrowly avoiding their tackle, and focused a bit of slow chakra into her fist. While the offenders stood, catching their breath and glaring at her like she might have been some creature from outer space, she threw herself towards them, her fist aimed at the gut of the smaller man.

The larger one caught her upper arm and stopped her in her tracks. She only managed to just graze the side of her target's body, but it would be enough. He would feel that for days to come. If her chakra had been running smoothly, she might have ruptured an organ or two, but she had to face the fact that it wasn't, and she hadn't.

He tossed her aside as if she were merely an ant he was flicking off his skin. She toppled over and rolled a couple feet away. If her adrenaline hadn't been soaring through her veins and dulling the pain of an otherwise incapacitating blow, she might have taken more notice of the feeling of the taut skin on her left flank breaking. And if her head had been in the right place, she might have paid more attention to the wound. But one did not simply stop in the middle of a fight to heal themselves. That was just asking for the enemy to strike you down.

Leaving the gash unattended meant dealing with the repercussions. Although she took little notice of it, the wound was steadily bleeding, and when she lifted herself from the ground, she had to fight against the sudden sense of vertigo that plagued her. Despite her incredible dizziness and the increasing fuzziness of her vision, she valiantly fought on. When one of the men charged towards her again, she found her chakra responded easily at last and she managed to lift him by the arm and throw him over her shoulder.

Similar to the hit Sakura had just taken, he rolled over the ground until he slammed against a thick tree trunk. On impact, a satisfying _snap_ sounded, and for a moment, Sakura had the capacity to be incredibly concerned. Judging by the angle at which he'd hit the tree, that _snap_ was almost certainly the sound of his spine breaking. He seemed to sputter for breath for a minute until his breathing stopped entirely, and _shit_, she hadn't meant to kill him.

But then she shrugged. It was all the same if she was trying to get him off her back, wasn't it? She would never kill an innocent man, but this man was far from innocent. With one hand to her reeling head, she turned back to face the only remaining offender and lifted one eyebrow, as if daring him to come at her with another attack.

"You bitch," he gasped, though there wasn't a hint of malice in his tone. He sounded more panicked than anything. "You killed him."

If her breathing was a little bit labored, he didn't seem to notice. All she replied was, "Yup." She was quickly running out of energy, and already, she didn't have enough to care. Rather unconvincingly, she murmured, "I'll probably kill you, too."

She wouldn't, but with the way he turned tail and ran at top speed, he didn't appear to want to wait and find out. When she was sure she was totally alone, she spared a glance at her bleeding side. Sakura did not have room to be squeamish, given her former job. She was face to face with blood and guts and various other bodily fluids far too often to fall ill when presented with an open wound. But she was already lightheaded, and seeing the reason for her dizziness was just the cherry on top of bloody cake.

Her vision blurred, morphing her surroundings into one mass of blended color. As everything started to go dim around her, her knees buckled under her weight and she fell face first onto the dusty ground. She thought she heard footsteps swiftly approaching, but she couldn't be sure as before they were close enough to be heard properly, she gave into the darkness closing in on her and lost consciousness.

* * *

_A/N: What is this? A new character? Hold onto your hats, because another new character will be coming your way in the next chapter, which will be called Stay. :) Thanks for reading & reviewing~!  
_


	6. Tragedy

_"Mufasa's death was a terrible tragedy. But to lose Simba, who had barely begun to live. For me, it is a deep personal loss. So it is with a heavy heart that I assume the throne."_

- Scar

* * *

Kakashi hadn't slept in days.

Months.

Years, even.

These days, from the moment he rose and headed out to face the day until he got back home to attempt to sleep, his movements were tired and lethargic, slow and sleepy. The eye that peeked over his mask drooped even more than usual and his posture had begun to slouch more and more with each passing week. The friends who had at first eagerly encouraged him to get out a little more had abandoned the cause. Even Tenzou, who Kakashi considered his best friend, had left him behind, saying that he loved Kakashi like a brother, but he'd become too much of a drag to hang out with.

Kakashi had convinced himself that Shikamaru had forced Tenzou to pass along that message.

Time passed slowly, even when it seemed impossible. It passed unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it did. Even for Kakashi. He was a man who liked to put up a front of invincibility. Like nothing ever got to him, which was why those who hadn't taken the time to get to know him considered him arrogant with a stone cold heart. But now that his entire world had been changed in the short span of just over three years, he was beginning to crack, and lately, he'd been hearing the hushed gossip of the girl who had finally broken through his tough exterior.

You never get used to it, the idea of someone being gone. Just when you think it's reconciled, accepted, someone points it out to you and it just hits you all over again. Kakashi knew this to be true more than anything else. Every day was a new start. Every day, despite how tired he was, he would go out into the world in hopes that it would be the day that he recovered from the crushing blow of Sakura's disappearance.

And every day, he would pass by a villager innocently whispering to their neighbor about their speculation on where the Haruno girl had gone.

And the cycle repeated.

Each morning was as dreary as the last, and each night wore on for an eternity. Kakashi supposed that was why, when he spotted the huge crowd circling around the Hokage's mansion, he jumped at the chance for something different. Remaining as casual as ever, he sauntered over to the ruckus and eventually found himself beside a very clearly angry Naruto.

"Yo," he said wearily.

The blonde didn't reply. Which would have tipped Kakashi off to something strange going on, if Naruto hadn't already been tense and shaking with fury. His eyes were wide and wild, pointed upward toward the top of the Hokage's mansion, the usual blue color fading away in favor of a dark, dusty shade of orange. Keeping a poker face despite the fact that his stomach had dropped quickly enough to leave a lesser man winded, he let his hand fall onto Naruto's shoulder before following the jinchuuriki's gaze.

Standing atop the tallest building in the village was a tall woman whose long, dark hair fluttered behind her with every passing breeze. She was surrounded by a handful of elderly men and women, all of them looking downward or away, as if ashamed or regretful. Kakashi's jaw tightened when he recognized these elders as _the_ Elders. Most of them didn't venture out of their homes for anything less than a special occasion, and judging by the cloak draped over the woman's shoulders, today was their idea of a special occasion.

There was no mistaking the red and white design of the cape. Matched with the wide brimmed hat atop the woman's head, it was an ensemble intended for one person and one person only. The Hokage. Last time Kakashi had checked, his Hokage was a blonde woman with amber eyes, temperamental and demanding but with a warm heart buried beneath her many layers of authority. The girl who wore the Hokage's garb now was quite possibly Tsunade's opposite in regards to appearance. Dark, dark hair and cold green eyes put off an air of intimidation along with a 'bow down and fear me' attitude.

Most remarkably, surrounding her narrow, cat-like green eyes were unmistakable purple birthmarks, the likes of which had only been seen on one other person. That alone was enough to set Kakashi's stomach plummeting further, but for the sake of the wide-eyed villagers who had now become aware of his presence, he continued his calm facade.

Suddenly, in a voice that dripped with smug satisfaction, the woman burst forth with an announcement. She called, "Tragedy has struck." Immediately, everyone shifted uncomfortably. To them, the tragedy was obvious - an unknown and unwelcome stranger had waltzed into their pleasant village and seized power, but Kakashi could safely assume that wasn't the announcement the girl atop the roof had planned to say. In fact, most of the villagers could already guess what she was about to reveal. "Your poor, dear Hokage has suffered a heart attack and now lies dead."

Gasps echoed throughout the crowd. Most of them had already deduced that Tsunade had died, otherwise nobody else would be wearing her cloak. But to hear the announcement put so bluntly and unsympathetically was a harsh blow to all who had ever looked up to the woman. Even Naruto, who was trying to maintain an infuriated appearance, couldn't stop the single thin tear that slid down his cheek. Next to the strange woman that was addressing the whole of Konoha as if she had every right to do so, Kakashi could just barely make out Shizune's trembling form. Her hands were clasped tightly in front of her, her head hung low as her shoulders shook violently. She looked as if she was about to collapse. If Kakashi hadn't known her to have more dignity than that, he might have thought she would give into grief and drop to her knees right then and there.

He briefly contemplated the pros and cons of visiting her later at her apartment and comforting her in her time of sorrow, but he'd never been a very sympathetic guy, and he knew the conversation would eventually come down to Sakura's whereabouts. On top of what was already proving to be a stressful day, he was positive such a discussion would not sit well with his mental health.

He didn't have much time to dwell on it, as the mysterious girl had begun to speak again. "I know what you're all thinking," she said, and when she locked eyes with Naruto, Kakashi was sure she knew _exactly_ what he was thinking. With her cold, unrelenting gaze still matching his raging one, she continued, "What right do I - as someone who is quite clearly related to the man who is quite possibly the most despised traitor this village has ever known - have to be addressing you all about so serious an issue?"

"Do _fucking_ tell," Naruto muttered.

The pale woman then tore her gaze from the blonde's and swept her gaze over the whole crowd as she explained, "I know it's hard to believe, but once upon a time, your former Hokage and my father were friends. They had each other's backs, and I fully intend to carry out that camaraderie by doing what I only believe is right and just."

When she touched the brim of the hat atop her head with the faintest trace of a smirk tugging at the corners of her mouth, Naruto shuddered almost imperceptibly and hissed, "No..." With a wary glance in his direction, Kakashi also caught a glimpse of the Hyuuga girl who had recently become his fiancee and noticed that, for someone who already had remarkably pale skin, her face was even pastier than usual, if not a little green.

His eyes snapped back to the rooftop when the sinister voice finished, "I have spoken with the Elders and we have come to the decision that _I_ will take over duties as your new Hokage." All of the mentioned elderly seemed to flinch when they were credited. It seemed not even they were immune to the daunting weight of their poorly made decision. As if anyone had a choice, she added, "My name is Kuragari. Won't you join me, Konoha?"

As if on cue, Naruto lunged forward, his eyes flaring with a fury Kakashi had never seen from the boy before. Immediately, the crowd parted with a gasp, all of them scurrying to clear out of would surely become his path of destruction if Kakashi was dumb enough to let him continue onward. Instead, the Copy Nin curled his hand around Naruto's wrist, effectively restraining him and holding him back.

"She can't do that!" Naruto cried, his teeth clenched together as hot, angry tears slipped down the sides of his face. His eyes were blazing like nothing Kakashi had ever witnessed before, even when faced with the Kyuubi's devastatingly powerful chakra.

"Would you _think_ for just one moment, Naruto?" Kakashi snapped.

"You're going to let her get away with that?" Naruto demanded. He turned his gaze to his former sensei, and as he saw the stern look his superior was giving him, a bit of blue seeped back into his eyes. With the change of color, Kakashi could more easily see the pleading expression upon the boy's face. This was an expression unlike any wide eyed puppy dog pout Kakashi had ever been tortured with. This was a pure, unadulterated cry for understanding.

When Kakashi considered it safe to do so, he relaxed his grip on Naruto's wrist, though his fingers remained closed around the joint. He sighed, "No. But you can't just jump at her like that." He turned his eyes upward at the woman in question and immediately glanced away when he realized she was staring smugly right at them. "You don't know her strengths, her weaknesses. In other words, you don't know what you're up against."

Naruto begged, "Maybe, but I do know that she has no right to-"

"Look around you," Kakashi whispered. After a moment of hesitation, Naruto obliged, turning his head to each side to scan his surroundings. Upon doing so, he noticed that everyone was looking at him. _Everyone_. Every villager he'd ever met, and even those who didn't know him personally. Each and every one of them, men and women, adults and children, high-ranking and low-ranking was staring at him as if he held the fate of the world in his very hands. Their future was his to do with as he pleased. "Worst case scenario," Kakashi said, "you get into a fight with her and you die-"

"Best case scenario, I win." Naruto's tone had lost a lot of its fire and hostility and his eyes were almost completely blue now, probably due to the sudden realization that everyone had placed their hopes and fears upon him.

"Listen to me," Kakashi said. "Right now, you're the only hope this village has left. If you die, there's _nothing_. No hope, no future. You'll bring her down, and you'll have everyone behind you all the way when you do. But give it time." At his own words, he dropped the younger man's wrist and let his hand fall down to his side. He shoved his own hands deep into his pockets.

Time. How often had Time betrayed Kakashi in the past? Whenever he tried to take his time with something, whether it was by his own choice or by the command of his superior, his world had gone straight to hell. He'd taken the search for Sakura slowly, and look what that had gotten him. Not a trace of her in just over three years.

That was enough to make anyone hopeless.

However, the fact remained that none of the villagers surrounding Kakashi and his student knew of Sakura's intended future. All they knew was that the boy they'd all assumed would take the throne had just lost it to a pale brat who shouldn't even exist. She'd ripped it right out of the jinchuuriki's hands, and now it was her will to do with it as she pleased.

Still, as much of a demon Time was, it was their best bet. With Time, they could learn all the things that made Kuragari tick. What she was best at, and what really threw her off. With that information in Naruto's hands, the girl would be doomed. He was decent enough when he knew nothing about his opponent, but if he knew everything about them, he couldn't be beat.

Until then, the inhabitants of Konoha would have to keep their eyes pointed toward the future while surrounded by a world of confusion, misery, and most likely death. A tyrant had taken over, and nobody knew how long she would stay in power. It was not a hopeful world they lived in now.

Life was awful. It made him want to catapult himself at a brick wall going sixteen thousand miles an hour most of the time. Even with so many terrible things going on at once, all Kakashi could think about was how Sakura had left him. Or had he metaphorically left her? Or perhaps they were always leaving each other because they were never really together. Either way, he felt about to faint of grief.

Or maybe he was just hungry.

"Yo, Kakashi-sensei."

Naruto's voice barely managed to break through Kakashi's thought process. The boy was looking at him expectantly, his eyes two parts curious and one part concerned. Even Hinata had tilted her head to eye Kakashi warily, as if he'd just woken up from a year-long coma and the two of them were merely wondering if he could still speak. With a glance around, Kakashi noticed that most of the crowd had dispersed, probably heading home to recount the morning's events to the few who hadn't been around to witness it. Those that remained in the area were either still frozen in shock or planning assassination attempts. Coming out of his daze, Kakashi said to his student, "Sorry, what?"

"I said do you wanna go get some ramen or something?" Naruto shrugged, as if they hadn't been discussing the village's fragile fate only moments ago. "I mean, if there's nothing I can do for Konoha now, I might as well eat."

The young man had a lot to learn about logic, but Kakashi didn't say anything about Naruto's bizarre reasoning. Instead, he glanced in the direction of Naruto's favorite ramen stand, calculating the distance it would put between him and the home he rarely made it out of these days. If he was being honest with himself, he _really_ didn't want to be making conversation with anyone who might bring up painful memories (but then again, who did?). But with one look at Hinata's pleading gaze, Kakashi knew he really had no choice in the matter. If he wasn't doing it for his former student, he was doing it for the Hyuuga heiress who looked like she might pass out at any moment - due of hunger or something else, Kakashi couldn't be quite sure. So he mumbled, "Sure, sure."

Naruto took the lead with Hinata clinging faithfully to his arm. The way she carried herself was, for lack of a better word, odd. It seemed as if she was stepping with more care than what might have been considered necessary, as if it was especially important that she refrained from tripping over something. She also kept casting wary glances in all directions, and every time she made eye contact with someone other than Naruto, she cringed away from their gaze.

Even when she tried to sneak a small peek behind her at Kakashi, and he reciprocated her look with feigned happiness, she frowned and hid her face in Naruto's shoulder. Hinata was known for being shy, but even as someone who didn't know her very well, Kakashi could say she was being jumpier than usual. He brushed her bizarre behavior aside, figuring it was probably just a result of the startling announcement that had just been made.

Thinking on that, he looked around and couldn't help but be surprised at how quickly the village had gotten back into the swing of things. Anyone who had stopped in front of the tower to hear the news had now gone about their daily business, almost as if it had never happened. Stores and restaurants were opening back up after having been closed for a short spell and people were carrying on with their lives. Like there wasn't someone incredibly strange and dangerous not only lurking within the village walls, but controlling everything held within those walls as well.

When they reached the familiar ramen stand, Kakashi noticed that Ayame had carefully plastered a pleasant smile to her features, though the tension throughout the rest of her body revealed just how nervous she was. Even Teuchi, a man who was known for being perpetually cheerful, looked a little somber as he headed towards the back of the small shop to prepare some more food for the new customers.

Nevertheless, Ayame took their orders, albeit with a little less zeal than she usually did. By the time the three patrons had settled down in their seats - Naruto in the middle with Hinata on his left and Kakashi to his right - their food was done and Ayame was coming out of the back with two steaming bowls in hand, her father tailing her with the last. They politely wished their customers a good meal before disappearing once again to the back of the store where they began to murmur about something Kakashi didn't really care to hear.

They ate mostly in silence, with Naruto attempting (and failing) small talk every few minutes and Hinata occasionally whispering something in the blonde's ear, then shyly turning her blushing face away. Then, the silence was officially broken when Naruto asked, "Does it ever go away, Kakashi-sensei?"

Without thinking, Kakashi replied, "Does what ever go away?"

"The worrying. The concern. And don't say you never cared about her, because that's a lie!"

Kakashi couldn't contain his wince. Most people knew the subject of Sakura was touchy, especially when in Kakashi's presence. He was still not accustomed to the idea of being without her and any reminder of her absence was as painful as the first realization that she was gone. For that reason, many people chose not to discuss the missing kunoichi with the man who had once been her sensei. Naruto, however, was not one of these people. This was not the first time he'd brought her up in conversation, and Kakashi doubted it would be the last. With that in mind, he guessed it wouldn't do any more damage to just talk it out with the boy. Maybe if he got his fill of conversation today, he wouldn't feel the need to bring it up again tomorrow.

Doubtful, but worth a shot anyway.

After a long pause, Kakashi shook his head and answered, "No, Naruto. It doesn't go away."

Quite suddenly, Kakashi's appetite left him. With a sigh, he set his chopsticks down next to his half-full bowl and made a silent apology for wasting the small shop's food. In his peripheral vision, he saw Hinata leaning up towards Naruto's ear to whisper something Kakashi couldn't be bothered to strain his ears to hear.

As it turned out, there wasn't any need to eavesdrop. The moment Hinata pulled away, Naruto told Kakashi, "She says she misses Sakura, too."

Hinata's entire face flushed a soft shade of red and she tilted her eyes downward while she addressed Kakashi. "We were not the best of friends, but she means so much to Naruto-kun. I know it makes him miserable that she has been gone for so long and it kills me to-"

"See him unhappy. I know. Believe me, I know." Never in a million years did Kakashi think he would ever be able to relate to the remarkably shy Hyuuga. She was bashful as could be where as Kakashi was significantly bolder and where she credited her improvement to the boy she currently sat beside, Kakashi credited his own skill to years of practice, hard work, and just a bit to his single Sharingan eye. But it seemed that they were similar in at least one respect - they both regarded their loved ones in the same light. Their happiness depended a great deal on the happiness of their significant other.

It was something Kakashi was not entirely proud of. To have his mood rely completely on another person's was not only difficult, but also very dangerous. It meant, if she so chose, Sakura could easily manipulate him into bending to whatever her wicked will might be. Of course, she wasn't around to do so. But without a doubt in his mind, Kakashi knew he would break every rule for her if that was what her heart desired.

Ayame suddenly appeared before him, staring at him curiously. He shook himself of his troublesome thoughts and looked up at her, prompting her to say what she'd probably already repeated a few times. "Are you done with your meal, Hatake-san?"

Too emotionally exhausted to give a verbal reply, Kakashi responding by nodding. Normally, he would consider such an action offensive and rude, but he guessed that it wouldn't be the first time that day that someone had opted out of polite speech. It was an odd day, indeed. She took his dish away without complaint and left his bill on the table before him.

Had it been any other day, Kakashi would have disappeared in a curl of smoke and stuck Naruto to pay for his meal, but it just didn't feel like the right thing to do at that particular moment in time. So he fished some money from his wallet, plopped it down on top of the bill and stood from his stool.

Before he could wave goodbye and depart, Naruto spoke again, avoiding all eye contact. "I just wish I could do something."

The hopelessness of his tone plucked at Kakashi's heartstrings. He wished he had something better to say, but all he could think of was a dismal sounding, "I wish I could do something too." Then he was gone, leaving a small white wispy cloud in his wake.

* * *

Shizune balanced a heap of paperwork in one hand while she attempted to jiggle her front doorknob into submission with the other. Just as she was about to give up and just kick the damn door down, it swung open with a loud, high-pitched creak. She huffed and stepped inside, kicking the door shut behind her. She would need a new door sometime soon, or she'd at least have to oil the hinges. But currently, she had other things on her mind.

The first thing she did upon arriving home was slam all the documents she'd brought with her onto the worn coffee table in the center of her living room, completely oblivious to the small envelope that drifted out of the pile and onto the ground. It was not unusual for Shizune to arrive home with a large collection of paperwork to complete, but for her to return to her house with almost everything she could carry from the office? Bizarre. Not to mention illegal. She'd assured Kuragari that she'd only taken old, outdated mission reports and had even slapped a quick, sloppy henge on the documents to make them appear as such when the new Hokage had given them a once over. It was a shoddy job at best but it wasn't as if the brat knew anything about Konoha documents, so she let it slide.

Now that the henge had been dropped, the papers were revealed for what they really were. Top secret information, ANBU correspondence, news from allies. The kind of thing Shizune wouldn't dare let Kuragari lay her manicured claws on. She knew enough about the village already, there was no need for her to learn Konoha's best kept secrets. If it came down to needing the information for the village's safety, Shizune would take care of it. Kuragari may hold the master key to the administration tower, but Shizune held the only thing that mattered in the eyes of the villagers.

Respect. They respected her. Over her many years of service and hours donated, not only to Tsunade but to the advancement of Konoha's hospital facilities, the townspeople had come to view her as somewhat of a saint. She was trustworthy, loyal, and she'd stick around for as long as she was needed. That's why Shizune knew if it came down to a mass exodus from the Hidden Leaf, her fellow villagers would choose to follow her straight into the unknown rather than hang around with a strange new leader.

That wasn't to say Shizune expected the situation to get so out of hand. She didn't think anyone would ever have to leave Konoha, especially not all at once in a large group. If she could lead Kuragari to believe she was doing all the work, while Shizune pulled strings and mended frayed ends and worked behind the scenes for a solution, then eventually, everything would turn out fine. Right?

She sighed. If only that were true. Even if she worked her fingers to the bone and her mind to insanity, she'd never be able to fix the wrong that had been done to the village. She was going to do her best to make sure everything ran as smoothly as possible in Sakura's absence, but in the face of her current trials and tribulations, Shizune knew she didn't have the kind of motivation required to save the village from the girl that had begun to slowly destroy it from the inside out.

She was certain there was only one thing that could solve their problems now, and if Kakashi didn't get his damned ass out of town soon on a hunt for the girl he'd left alone for far too long, there wasn't a hope for salvation. If Sakura never returned and took back her rightful place as Hokage, there wasn't a doubt in Shizune's mind that Konoha was doomed to hell.

She rubbed at her eyes as she suddenly felt the unwelcome sting of tears. To make matters worse, when she dropped down onto the sofa and lifted her eyes to the wall opposite the plush piece of furniture, her gaze fell on a photograph of herself and her former master, posed and smiling eagerly for the camera. It had been taken on the day Tsunade had first taken up office as the leader of Konoha, and while the blonde had at first been hesitant about accepting such a huge responsibility, her first day as Hokage had been a day full of beaming grins and laughter. There had been a positive atmosphere in the office all day and for the next few weeks that followed.

The sight of a smile she would never see again made the crack in Shizune's heart grow deeper. Wiping away the few tears that had managed to fall from her tired eyes, she looked up toward the ceiling and whispered, "What would you do in a situation like this? I need your help."

Then she dropped her gaze down to the floor and caught sight of the envelope that had slipped out of her pile of documents earlier. With a shrug, she hauled herself up from the couch and picked the letter up from the ground, running her eyes over it. She wondered if she'd ended up with it by mistake - the curving script on the front side of the envelope quite clearly read _Sakura_ in slanting, cursive lettering - but then she flipped it over and found that a note had been paper clipped to it. The note was addressed to Shizune.

Pulling it from the clip's grasp, she rubbed the bleariness from her eyes and focused on the writing.

_Shizune_

_I'm bossy, and controlling, and I don't deserve you at all. You are too good of an assistant for me, and a better person than I ever expected would put up with me. I'm sorry I'm always demanding favors of you, but this will be the last one. I promise._

_Deeming Sakura as my successor is, I'm sure, the best decision I've ever made. Whether she realizes or not, she's got the mental and physical chops to carry out a position of such authority. And with you by her side, she'll be one of the best leaders this great village has ever known. I'm sure of it._

_That said, she might need a bit of a pep talk from her good ol' shishou when the time rolls around for her to take my desk. In the event of my passing, would you kindly hand this envelope to her? I know you'll give her a damn good boost of courage yourself when the time comes, but I'm thinking she might need a little bit more than your words of wisdom - no offense._

_Tsunade_

Shizune sniffed as the dull ache of tears left unshed pounded behind her eyes. What she wouldn't give to just let loose and have a good, hour-long cry right about now. Unfortunately, the note she'd just read was a painful reminder of how much work she had left to do.

What strange luck Tsunade had. She'd never been good with gambling and almost always - no, definitely always lost any bet she dared to enter. Shizune had always believed her master's unlucky streak existed only in the realm of gambling and casinos, but as it turn out, the tendency toward misfortune extended far beyond that.

Tsunade had expected Sakura to sit back and take the position like it wasn't a massive burden for a young woman. Hell, Shizune had almost expected it herself. Both she and her boss had wagered that Sakura's loyalty would beat out her reluctance. And they'd both lost. Sakura was gone, Tsunade was dead, and Shizune had no way of getting the Godaime's letter to her apprentice. It would probably be in Shizune's best interest to dispose of the note before she could lose sleep over it, but she didn't have the heart. If not to maintain the hope that Sakura would one day return, she kept it for the sentimental value. It was probably the last document Tsunade had signed.

She shuffled into her bedroom and slipped the note into the drawer of her nightstand. A dull pain settled in her chest as she closed the drawer and allowed darkness to close in on the remains of her composure, and when the deed was done, in spite of her better interest, she allowed herself to cry freely.

* * *

_A/N: I wanted to focus a lot on Kakashi this chapter to show that he's not as unbreakable as people seem to think. I hope I succeeded. As usual, don't hesitate to let me know if I've made any spelling mistakes or grammatical errors. And please feel free to leave me a review! Thank you for reading, everyone~. :)_


	7. Stay

_"So, where you from?"  
"Who cares? I can't go back."_

- Timon & Simba

* * *

Surely there had to be something dangerous about approaching an armed shinobi, regardless of how unconscious that shinobi may or may not be. Surely Emiko was putting herself in harm's way by kneeling down beside the fallen kunoichi and holding her hands all aglow with healing chakra over the gaping wound in the ninja's side. She was almost positive that if her patient happened to wake up during the healing process, Emiko would have her hands cut off for treating without permission.

Even so, she kept a steady flow of chakra coursing through her trembling hands. Perhaps it was against her better judgement, but she couldn't leave the girl to bleed out and die. It would weigh on her conscience for the rest of her life. And it would go against every moral she'd ever had.

She let out a long, relieved breath when the gash was all closed up. Her training hadn't been what one would call professional, but it was adequate. The stitches she'd sewn into her patient's side were sloppily done - her hands had been shaking throughout the whole process. There would be one hell of a scar there when she removed the sutures, but now the girl was fit to travel at least.

Of course Emiko wouldn't just leave her here. She'd lost a lot of blood, and without a pill to help replenish it in her system, she'd stay passed out for awhile. Who knew what kind of vile creatures would come upon her in that time? Emiko had some medication back at the inn she was staying at. It wasn't too far from where they were, but how was she supposed to transport a limp body all the way to her motel in Tonzura without either passing out or raising more than a few eyebrows?

She couldn't. There was no way. The masked girl that lay on the ground before her had to be a good ten or twenty pounds heavier than herself, being that she was significantly taller and boasted more muscle mass. In fact, the only way Emiko had been able to tell that the girl was a ninja was by the way she looked - no civilian was in such good shape, with toned muscle in all the right places. As if the mask didn't scream shinobi as well. The few shuriken that had fallen out of her holster were also a surefire way to tell.

The woman's lips parted slightly in a quiet groan. Emiko gasped and immediately brought her hands away from the body, dropping them stiffly to her sides. She watched as the girl with the mask regained some semblance of consciousness, her eyelids twitching and her fingers beginning to move.

Emiko briefly considered fleeing before she was noticed. But the odds of that happening were slim. On its own, it was a miracle that the girl she'd just been treating was awake at all. And even though she was coming around much sooner than what had been expected, she probably wouldn't be very aware of her surroundings for several hours.

Whether that was a comforting train of thought or not, Emiko nevertheless leaned forward and shakily said, "Don't worry, you're okay now. Um... I'm not sure exactly how yet, but I'm gonna get you in a nice comfy bed, okay? Just don't kill me or anything."

After a few more minutes of consideration, Emiko made a decision. The sun was beginning to set, stretching the shadows infinitesimally, millimeter by slow millimeter. Already, she knew with the extra weight it would take an hour longer, if not two, to get back to the inn. If she wanted to avoid traveling in the dark, she would have to leave now. They'd be cutting it close, and it was a pain that she'd already waited this long. But there was no use crying over spilt milk.

She eased the shinobi's arm over her shoulder and hauled herself up, pulling the other lady up with her, and began to walk. Having only taken two steps away from their starting line, Emiko could already tell it would be a long journey. The ninja's feet were dragging in the dirt and she was, quite literally, a heavy burden on Emiko's back. Regardless, the smaller girl kept on going. The strange shinobi would wake up in an unfamiliar place with an unfamiliar person and she would probably tear the place apart in trying to figure out where the hell she was and who the hell she was with, but damn it, she would not wake up in the middle of a dark forest on the ground.

Not if Emiko had anything to say about it.

* * *

Sakura had heard that, in most cases, when one becomes conscious after having passed out for an extended period of time, they often find it hard to remember what had happened. Her experience was entirely the opposite. She knew exactly where she'd fainted - in the middle of a forest she'd been traveling through on her way to a small village she'd heard of, bleeding heavily after having taken down one pervert of a man and scaring half the life out of another.

She did not, however, know where she was currently. When her eyes fluttered open, they were met by a textured white ceiling with a water stain creeping out of one corner. All four of the surrounding walls were also entirely white, except for two brown doors on opposite walls. She could feel pain in her side where she'd taken the hit, but she was no longer bleeding, at least. Perhaps she'd died? If this was Heaven, it was white enough, but it was excruciatingly boring for something she'd always thought to be divine.

Or maybe she'd gone to Hell and the plainness of it all was to punish her for her sins. If that was the case, the underworld had all the malice of one of her cats napping underneath a sofa. That was to say, none at all. What a disappointment.

She groaned. She was having quite a bit of trouble waking up. Not that she'd ever been on the best of terms with the ass-crack of dawn, but today was particularly brutal.

A presence on the other side of the room stirred, and Sakura's knee-jerk reaction was to grab three shuriken from her holster. However, when her hand dropped down to her right thigh, she grasped air and nothing else. Too exhausted to do anything else, she gave a small grumble, grabbed the pillow behind her, and dropped it over her face.

"You're up," the other person noticed. Something weighty dropped onto the bed beside Sakura, and begrudgingly, she peeked out from under the protective cover of her pillow to see what it was. It was her holster, looking cleaner than usual. Her eyes rolled up to glance at the person who had dropped it there, and she was surprised to find that her captor was neither big and burly nor did she appear very villainous.

Instead, she boasted a shy, if not somewhat fearful smile upon her lips. Her thick, dark gray hair fell in curls just past her shoulders and though she was tense with fear, her dark green eyes retained a welcoming warmth. She wore a black dress with one long, flowing sleeve colored the same black as the rest of the garment and the other a blood red. She was tugging on the red sleeve anxiously as she explained, "I wasn't trying to disarm you, I promise. But I was afraid it would get in the way while I was healing you."

_Healing me?_ Sakura thought. She craned her neck to peer down at the wound she recalled sustaining during her scuffle last night, and to her disbelief, it was stitched up completely, though not as cleanly as she might have done herself. It was a satisfactory job, however, and despite the fact that she could feel the tug and pull of the sutures each time she moved, she felt no pain otherwise.

"You healed me?"

"Yes," the petite girl replied. "I hope that's okay."

"Oh, of course it is." The shy medic came closer, very cautiously, as if asking "_May I?_" with the way she walked. Having been around plenty of experienced healers, Sakura knew the girl was planning to check on the healing wound. Ordinarily, she would have done this herself, but the other girl seemed so earnest, Sakura didn't have the heart to turn her away. So she rolled up her shirt just enough so the patched up injury could be seen and when two hands began to hover over the stitches, Sakura sighed at the feeling of cool chakra against her hot skin.

In an attempt to make light conversation, she asked, "What's your name?"

"Oh, I'm Emiko," she answered as she made quick work of checking the injury over. "How rude of me not to introduce myself."

"Are you from around here?"

"No." But then a look of confusion passed over Emiko's face and she added, "Well, actually, I'm not entirely sure. I think I'm originally from Suna. That's where I was found at least."

"Found?" _Damn_. Sakura had been hoping she'd stumbled upon someone who knew the area and could point her in the direction of another village. Then again, she'd traveled quite far from home and could probably stand to stick around in this one for awhile. She did need to rest, after all.

"That's the story," Emiko explained. "I lost my memory when I was fifteen and was taken in by a civilian family in hopes that I would grow up to be a shinobi that would protect them. But I had no loyalties to Suna - I wasn't even sure if I was _born_ there. For all I know, they could have conducted some twisted experiment on me to _make _me lose my memory in the first place." She sighed and she finished her work and looked up at Sakura solemnly. "I left when I was nineteen."

"Well, they've trained you pretty well, at least," Sakura remarked. Even when she moved around, she felt no pain in her side. She was already on the road to a quick recovery and she'd only sustained the injury last night. There would be one hell of a scar there, but she could live with that.

"Oh, no, they didn't train me at all. I wouldn't let them. I ran across a Konoha medic during my travels who offered to pass her knowledge onto me." Sakura bit her lip at the mention of her former home, but Emiko did not seem to notice as she continued, "It took me about six months to learn everything she had to teach me - heaven knows what she was doing away from home for so long. And it took another year for me to fine tune my skills." She rolled Sakura's shirt down and took a seat in a plush chair against the wall to Sakura's left. "By the time I was twenty-one, I had all the knowledge of someone who might have trained for half a decade. It still wasn't all that much, but it's getting me by."

"Wow," Sakura murmured. Although she'd only been training for five years herself, she'd had the best mentor out there. In her five years, she had all the experience of someone who had trained for fifteen, simply for the fact that she'd had an excellent teacher. But it was still incredible to come across someone who could learn so much so quickly. "How old are you now?"

"Twenty-three."

"That's impressive."

Emiko offered an appreciative smile in Sakura's direction, then asked, "So what about you? What's your story?"

"Well, my name is Sakura, for starters." She opened her mouth to say more, but then she hesitated. What were her limits here? Giving her name could be risky enough on its own, especially if there was word going around about a missing kunoichi by the same name. She had to watch her tongue. Not just now, but for the rest of her life. If she let it slip that she was from Konoha, now that Emiko knew her name, she could easily come to the conclusion that Sakura was the missing girl. After all, it wasn't as if there were hundreds of Sakuras prancing about the hidden Leaf.

"I'm twenty-five." She figured her age was safe enough. As for where she came from... "Where I'm from is unimportant. All that matters is... This is my home now."

"Well, I guess it's a good thing this room has an extra bed, then."

"Oh!" Sakura gasped. She hadn't meant to invite herself to stay with Emiko. "I can get my own room. That's okay."

"No, no, it's probably better if you stay anyway." The gray-haired girl sauntered over to a door on the wall opposite Sakura and opened it. Sure enough, through the open doorway, she could see a bed about half the size of the one she was currently in. It didn't look incredibly comfortable, but if Emiko insisted, Sakura would take it. "It'll be easier to monitor your healing process that way."

It was a good thing, too. For the past three years, Sakura had been living off of whatever payment she could get from taking missions from random strangers in border villages. It was barely enough to get food in her stomach every morning and every night, so the hope that she might have enough money for her own inn room was a lost cause. She wasn't even sure if she had enough cash for breakfast.

Sakura made a mental note to find someone who would pay her to do any task - be it mundane as stocking shelves at a local grocery store or as complicated as assassination.

Eventually, she would get around to telling Emiko, her newfound companion, that she practiced medicine just as well, if not significantly better. She could monitor her own healing process. But maybe it would be best to let some time pass first. That way, if Emiko did manage to put two and two together, perhaps Sakura could tell the girl not to turn her in and they'd be close enough friends for her to listen.

For now, she slid out of the double bed and shuffled over to the door that Emiko held open for her. Before she stepped through, she turned to her new friend and opened her mouth to ask where her pack was, but the girl already had the blue bag in hand. She passed it to Sakura, who accepted it with a smile and a quiet "thanks".

"I'll give you some time to get your bearings," Emiko said. "Then we'll go out and look around town for a bit. I take it you've never been to Tonzura before?"

"Never," Sakura confirmed.

"Then I'll show you around. We'll have breakfast somewhere."

Sakura nodded. Perhaps Emiko didn't live in Tonzura, but she seemed to know enough about the place. "Thank you so much, by the way," she said earnestly. "It's so rare to come across good people when you're traveling, as you probably know."

"Of course." Emiko gave Sakura another one of the smiles Sakura would eventually come to adore and closed the door behind her when she was inside.

She made her way over to the bed on the far side of the room and sat down on the edge of it, noting its comfort level was similar to that of a mattress stuffed with dirt and leaves. She'd slept on the ground before, though, so she had no room to complain. In that respect, staying at this inn with Emiko would be just as if Sakura had taken up a long, boring mission.

Wasn't that the story, at least? She wondered if Kakashi was covering for her, either knowingly or not. Was he telling people that she'd only gone off on an assignment and that she was sure to be back soon? Or had he figured it out by now? Surely after three years of her absence, a smart man like him could have put the clues together.

Of course, Tsunade knew. She was in charge of assigning missions after all. She knew the truth, without a doubt. What Sakura wasn't sure of was whether her shishou had told everyone, or if she'd left it up to the villagers' imagination. One thing was for sure - there was no way she would have told anyone what Sakua had run from.

Announcing that the girl who had run away from home was Tsunade's successor would only lead to panic, and concerns over why she'd kept her choice so secret. When the Third had picked his first successor, it had been heavily publicized. _Everyone_ knew, and because of that, they'd simply assumed Sarutobi had only been taking cautionary steps.

If the village were to find out that Sakura had been chosen under complete secrecy to succeed a woman who seemed to have the intentions to lead up until her death, it was very possible that the villagers would put their heads together and realize that perhaps death was coming upon their Hokage sooner than any of them had previously realized.

That opened the door to all kinds of chaos. Village-wide panic, competition for power, a coup d'état. All of which would eventually lead to more stress on the Hokage, which could potentially cause her to make a misguided decision.

Not that Sakura believed her first choice had been the most sensible.

Despite the fact that she would have given anything to have thoughts of the home she'd once loved - the home she _still_ loved - pushed to the deepest, darkest recesses of her mind, she couldn't help but feel concern towards Konoha's current predicament. Had panic and chaos already erupted? Or had Tsunade already made her second choice? With any luck, she'd properly deemed Naruto her successor and everything had simmered down before it had the chance to boil.

That was highly unlikely, though. If a story had been spun about how Sakura had only taken a solo assignment, she doubted that anyone believed Tsunade would assign such a long one to someone so young and useful. If she hadn't already told everyone the famous pink-haired kunoichi had disappeared, someone else had most likely come to that conclusion.

That someone else was probably Naruto, or maybe Sai. Or even Kakashi.

At the thought of her former lover, Sakura wrapped her arms around herself, wincing as one of her hands grazed against the bruise left from when one of those brutes from last night had yanked her arm behind her. She wrinkled her nose disdainfully. Kakashi never would have pulled a stunt like that unless he wanted to lose both arms and his head.

Suddenly, Sakura found herself fighting the stinging wetness that assaulted her eyes. She clenched her jade optics shut for a long moment, forcing the small amount of moisture out and away, then wiped the tears from her cheeks and re-opened her eyes to gaze through the window opposite her. How pathetic. She couldn't even think on his name without wanting to cry.

There were many things she was not sure of in life, particularly now that she had a hundred things to worry about. But at that very moment, the only thing she knew with all certainty was that she missed him.

* * *

_A/N: Short chapter. Too tired to care. Thanks for reading!_


	8. Brave

_"I was just trying to be brave like you."  
"I'm only brave when I have to be. Simba, being brave doesn't mean you go looking for trouble."  
"But you're not scared of anything!"  
"Well, I was today. I thought I might lose you."_

- Simba & Mufasa

* * *

There was nothing more beautiful than an engagement ring.

They were expensive, and to the outside world, they only served to show that someone was being taken off the market for good. But to the woman who bore it, and the man who bestowed it, it was a symbol of everything the couple had ever been through. Hardships that they'd fought away together. Happiness that they'd smiled through together. And love. Most importantly, an engagement ring symbolized love.

In Hinata's own personal experience, love meant a whole lot more than just saying three words to each other every day and being there when the other came home from a mission. Love was a friendship stronger than most. It was respect, and a mutual sense of security. Love was being able to admit that sometimes, your efforts were simply not enough.

Gazing down at her ring, each facet of the diamond reflecting light and color, Hinata realized that her efforts were simply not enough. As hard as she tried, she could not bring Naruto out of the dark, depressed state that had plagued him since Sakura had first disappeared. She'd been watching him from day one, knowing how he got whenever one of his loved ones went away. And at first, it was just normal concern over a teammate who was probably on a dangerous mission somewhere. But as the months wore on, his frown began to deepen and his eyes lost their warmth. With each day that dragged on, he was hit again and again with the realization that Sakura might not be coming back.

To watch someone she loved, not to mention someone who was usually in a perpetual state of happiness, begin to lose hope was one of the most heartbreaking sights Hinata had ever seen. To make matters worse, she didn't have a choice in whether she witnessed the boy's depressing state or not. She did not feel tied down to him at all, nor did she feel trapped in any way whatsoever - she loved him so much and she'd willingly stand by his side through thick and thin. But to watch his joy and contentment slowly deteriorate and flake away, knowing she was utterly helpless and could do nothing to mend his broken heart? That was the hardest part.

She couldn't express how humiliating it was to be engaged to a man who had promised to make sure she stayed happy no matter what, and now that the tables were turned, she couldn't keep the same promise. The only thing Hinata wanted was for Naruto to be happy, whatever the cost may be.

It wasn't difficult to see that whenever Sakura was around Naruto, Hinata clung to him a little tighter and held his gaze a little longer. It was no secret that Naruto had once had a massive crush on the pink-haired medic, and Hinata knew this. Her actions were simply subconscious behavior. She knew Sakura would never sink so low as to try to steal Hinata's fiancé. The fact that Naruto seemingly could not be happy without his teammate nearby did not make Hinata detest Sakura. It only made her hate herself.

What kind of wife would she make if she was already failing as a fiancée? On top of that, Naruto's charmingly bright personality wasn't the only thing that had started to go downhill since Sakura's disappearance. Hinata couldn't stand the kind of village Konoha was turning into. Shinobi were dropping like flies on missions the Hokage had to know were too dangerous for them. And in their place, Academy students were being promoted to genin before they were ready. Hinata considered herself lucky that all of her teammates and close friends had managed to avoid these conditions. Especially Kurenai, who had a young daughter to worry about. She shuddered to think how long it would be before Kuragari got her hands on Kurenai's child and shoved her into the Academy before her time.

There was no such thing as freedom of speech in the new Konoha. If someone so much as uttered a word against the new regime, they would find their self face to face with one of the new Hokage's personally appointed executioners in a matter of days. And if people weren't being killed for their opinions, they were being jailed for life, which wasn't much better.

There was only one thing that could return the village to its once peaceful state, and even that was a long shot. Perhaps if Sakura were to return, Naruto's faith would be restored and he could gather up the courage to face Kuragari and bring her down. There were no guarantees that that would be the case, but it was at least worth a shot, wasn't it? If there was even the slightest chance that Sakura's return could renew Konoha's prestige, Hinata had to try!

But should she really forgo all thoughts of herself for the village's sake? No, for Naruto's sake? Her right hand fell from where she'd been toying with her ring to settle against her stomach. Konoha was a major priority, as well as Naruto. But currently, there were other things to worry about. It would be dangerous, there was no doubt about that. For one, Hinata had no idea where Sakura was or what direction she'd headed in. Then again, there had been quite a few search parties sent out and there had to be information somewhere on where her trail looked like it was leading.

Still, heading out on her own would be dangerous. Hinata could bring no one with her if she expected to get very far. As soon as anyone caught wind of what she was planning, they'd be after her in no time, and she wasn't as strong or as smart as Sakura was. She couldn't fight them off and she couldn't set a believable decoy trail. She had to rely on her own speed and stealth to get her out of town before someone found her.

And if she did manage to evade anyone who might try to stop her, she had the rest of the journey to wonder about. How many people out there - criminals, rogue-nin, even wild animals - would set their sights on her and decide that she would be their next victim? If circumstances were the same as they'd been a few years ago, this would have been a sacrifice she'd be willing to make. But as her fingers twitched against her stomach, she came to terms with the reality of her condition. There was a possibility that even if she set out on her own, her life would still not be the only one in jeopardy.

But which was more important to preserve? The lives of two, or the lives of an entire village? The answer was obvious. She would rather put her life on the line now to save hundreds more than risk the loss of everyone, including herself, further down the line.

She would go after Sakura and bring her back. If it could save the village and cheer Naruto up, she knew it absolutely had to be done, and if no one else was going to do it, she might was well. After all, they say if you want something done right, you should do it yourself. However, she knew if she dawdled too much before leaving, she'd procrastinate and would eventually conjure up a long list of reasons she shouldn't go. So she decided to leave right then and there.

In her haste, she neglected to consider how long she might be gone or what she would need to bring with her. All she did was grab her pack on her way out, not once checking to see what supplies were inside.

Outside the door to the quaint house she shared with Naruto, she stopped short. It occurred to her quite suddenly that she wasn't much of a tracker. In fact, she was the worst tracker on her team, granted anyone would look like a bad tracker when compared to Kiba. But that was beside the point. What mattered was that if Hinata couldn't find Sakura's trail, she would have no hope of ever locating the missing girl.

She briefly considered asking Kiba for help, but she quickly dismissed that idea. Kiba was very much like an older brother to her and aside from Naruto, he cared more for her than anyone in the entire world did. If she told him what she had in mind, there was no way he'd let her out of his sight for one second, much less let her go. So that plan was garbage.

Hinata wasn't a popular girl. She was shy and because of that, she didn't have too many friends. In fact, her only friends were her teammates, Naruto, and Naruto's teammates, and even then, considering Sai or Kakashi a "friend" of hers would be a bit of a stretch. She could safely say that excluding Kiba, Kakashi was the only seasoned tracker she knew. And for a moment, she wondered if _he_ would help her. After all, he had been romantically involved with Sakura and probably wanted her to return even more than Naruto did.

But then the realization came upon Hinata that if Kakashi had planned to go after Sakura, he would have done so a long time ago. _Poor Sakura,_ Hinata couldn't help but think. _Even her teammates have given up on her._

There had been that brief search that had been called right after Sakura had disappeared, though, hadn't there? If Hinata wasn't mistaken, Kakashi had been at the head of the search party, but the hunt had been called off for whatever reason. Still, whatever lead they might have found had to have been recorded and filed away somewhere. Information like that didn't just disappear into thin air. And there was really only one place that such important details could be found.

In the Hokage's office, there was a file closet. Not much of a closet, actually. It was more like a library, only instead of shelves full of books filling the room, the walls were lined with large filing cabinets made of cold metal, all of them full and heavy with documents and confidential letters. Hinata only knew this room existed because she had once caught a glimpse of it through the open door during one of the many trips she'd taken with Naruto to visit Tsunade. But Tsunade was no longer Hokage.

Hinata swallowed the lump that suddenly sprang into her throat and clenched her eyes shut, forcing her heart rate to slow to a normal pace and her breathing to stay even. Even if she could manage to get past Shizune without raising suspicions, there was no doubt in her mind that the last thing Kuragari would let Hinata do was go rifling about in drawers and file cabinets. It was bound to raise suspicions and Hinata was sure Kuragari was the kind of woman who already trusted no one.

But there was no giving up now. This new dilemma only meant that Hinata would have to put her stealth to the test. Though as a tracker she paled in comparison to her canine-loving teammate, she was much more adept than the Inuzuka boy when it came to stealth. For one thing, Kiba could hardly take two steps without causing some sort of ruckus. But mostly it was the fact that Hinata was by nature a girl who preferred to remain quiet and unseen whenever possible, so when she had to do the very same for a mission, it made sense that she was quite skilled at it.

There would be no way to get into the office without Kuragari noticing, but if Hinata could perhaps arrange a meeting with the new Hokage and work from there, there was a slight chance that Hinata could gather the information she needed. And if she failed and Kuragari caught her... Hinata shuddered to think of the consequences. She was quite sure that a death sentence wouldn't be entirely out of the realm of possibility.

With a shaky breath and a poor attempt to calm her nerves, Hinata stepped away from the front door of a home she might never see again and headed down the road. She tried to appear nonchalant to the villagers she passed and succeeded quite well in doing just that. When she walked, nobody spared her a second glance. But in Hinata's paranoid head, everyone was giving her wary stares and wondering where she was going and what she was doing. She even feared that someone might be following her, but heaven forbid she cast glances over her shoulders and bring more attention to herself.

It took her mere minutes to reach the tower that the Hokage's office resided in, but to her, it felt like the trip took hours. When she reached the towering front doors of the building, she almost felt relief at being able to disappear inside and escape the burning stares she felt at her back. But once she was within the walls of the tower, she recalled just what she was about to do, and a cold, foreboding chill ran through her.

Quietly and carefully, she took to the stairs and found the floor where the Hokage and her assistant worked. Waiting for her on that floor was a small, easily navigated maze of hallways that Hinata had managed to memorize due to the fact that Naruto had led her through it many times throughout the course of their relationship. When she reached the corridor that would take her straight to the front door of what had once been Tsunade's quarters, the walls and floor seemed to stretch, the walk to the end of it seemingly taking longer than it usually would. Hinata wondered if she would ever reach the end, but before her fear could swell enough for her to turn tail and run, she was standing in front of a sort of reception desk where Shizune sat, looking expectantly up at the Hyuuga girl.

For a moment, the two women exchanged silent eye contact. Then Shizune asked, "Is there something I can help you with, Hinata-san?"

Shizune's voice seemed to startle the shy girl, making her jump a little bit and cross her arms self-consciously over her stomach. "Oh, um, yes," she murmured. "Shizune-san, I was wondering if there was any way I could set up a meeting with Hokage-sama?"

Shizune's expression slowly changed from blank to one of confusion. She warily arched an eyebrow at Hinata and tilted her head, clearly wondering what on Earth an innocent kunoichi like Hinata had to talk about with someone like Kuragari. "That depends," she answered. "What for?"

It occurred to Hinata that she might not have thought out her plan thoroughly. Here she was, only feet away from the information she needed to begin her self-appointed mission, and she couldn't even find the words that would get her past the Hokage's assistant. She struggled to find a way to explain why she needed to get into that office without giving away what she was actually planning because there was no way Shizune, a seasoned medic who could probably _feel_ Hinata's condition coming off of her in waves, would let the heiress go off on a search for a missing kunoichi. But there seemed to be no way around revealing her motive. Perhaps, if she put it in the vaguest of terms, Shizune wouldn't catch on.

She inhaled sharply, then said quietly, "W-well, you see... I have to _discuss_ a certain missing kunoichi's whereabouts with our esteemed Hokage."

She winced as she watched Shizune, carefully gauging the older woman's reaction to the proposal. For the briefest of moments, Shizune looked sad. Her eyes fell closed and the corners of her lips turned down in a small frown that was slightly marred by the way she was tugging her bottom lip between her teeth. Then she was back to a calm, but calculating expression as she replied, "Unfortunately, Kuragari-sama has stepped out and won't be returning until much later. I've been posted as security for the time being under strict instruction to make sure no one but Kuragari herself enters that office."

Hinata's face fell as a dreadful sense of defeat washed over her. She sighed and tried to keep her raging emotions inside, at least until she was somewhere more private. But there was no hiding her disappointment. She couldn't help the furrow of her brow and the glaze of tears over her eyes.

"Now, then..." Hinata looked up at Shizune's words and managed to catch the advisor's pointed gaze just before she hoisted herself up from the chair and carefully cleaned any expression off her features. "I'm going to run to the kitchen to get some more tea." As she passed Hinata, she let their arms brush and said, "You behave yourself."

When Shizune had disappeared from sight, Hinata let her head drop to hide her flooded, clenched eyes. Before she could stop it, a tear slipped from one of her lilac optics and fell downward, but the telltale plop of water on a hard surface never came. The only sound that followed the falling teardrop was the splash of liquid on liquid. Confused, Hinata opened her eyes. Her gaze was met by a light brown liquid, swirling and hot and filling a small purple cup to the brim. Steam rose from the warm drink and hit Hinata in the eyes, forcing her to straighten her posture to avoid it. Had Shizune forgotten that she had a full cup of tea right on her desk...?

_Oh_. Hinata smiled. She glanced down the corridor Shizune had left through and thought for a moment, trying to calculate the time it would take her to get to the kitchen and back. Assuming nobody stopped Shizune on her way, Hinata guessed she had about five or six minutes to get what she needed and get the hell out of there.

By some odd miracle, the door to the office was already unlocked, relieving Hinata of having to break in, not that what she was doing currently wasn't already a form of breaking and entering. She pushed the heavy door open and closed it quietly behind her and without wasting a second, she walked swiftly into the file closet, being sure to leave the door open so she could keep watch. With a glance toward the doorway every few seconds, she began to scan the labelled file drawers until she came upon one with a card on the front reading only one letter: "H".

With a great heave, the drawer slid open and she began to flip through the contents until she found two files of interest: Hatake Kakashi and Haruno Sakura. She opened Kakashi's first, scanning each and every page for information on his latest missions, but none of the reports she came upon had any details pertaining to Sakura's case. So she placed it back in the slot she'd pulled it from and began work on Sakura's which was surprisingly bigger than Kakashi's.

As it turned out, the reason for the significant size difference was because Sakura's file contained not only basic information (i.e. member of Team Seven, Konoha medic, temperamental) and mission reports, but also charts for the many patients she'd treated in the hospital as well as on the battlefield. There was a plethora of knowledge to be found about the pink-haired kunoichi inside her file, but, unfortunately, there wasn't a thing detailing her disappearance.

She slipped Sakura's file back into the drawer and shut it, cringing at the clanging sound of metal on metal. After casting a quick, cautious glance over her shoulder, she scanned the remaining file towers in search of one that might contain the information she'd set out to find. A couple columns down was a drawer labelled "S". It was this column that Hinata shuffled over to. She had to sit down on the ground to comfortably reach the bottom drawer and as she looked over the contents, she recognized a few of the names - Genma was there, along with Asuma and his nephew, Konohamaru. But nothing pertaining to Sakura's whereabouts.

With a heavy sigh of defeat, Hinata turned herself around and leaned backward until her back was touching the cold metal of the file cabinet behind her. Feeling unwanted tears in her eyes, she tipped her head back in hopes that it would help her maintain her composure. It did, but barely. When the threat of crying had mostly passed, she dropped her head back into its normal position and found herself face to face with the steel drawers on the opposing wall.

These drawers were shinier, cleaner, and generally less-used as far as appearances told. Where most of the other storage units had dents and scratches in the paint from rough handling, the ones Hinata stared at now were almost entirely unscathed. In fact, the only thing that marred their pristine appearance was something that could easily be removed - a label card on the front of the center drawer, reading in bold red, ugly letters the word "failed".

Hinata couldn't help but narrow her eyes at the dastardly piece of parchment. It was almost as if the label was mocking her, pointing out the fact that she'd already failed her mission and she'd barely even started. She didn't know where an inanimate object got the nerve to tease her in such a way. It probably contained an entire history of all of Hinata's team's failed missions, just to taunt her that much more.

_Wait a minute..._ Realization hit her so suddenly that a quiet squeak escaped her lips. She scrambled onto all fours and crawled across the small room to reach the drawer on the other side and grabbed onto the silver handle with one hand, giving a weak pull.

No dice.

She tried again, tugging more strongly this time, praying that the damned thing was just a little stuck. It didn't budge. The cabinet was most definitely locked. That was really no matter, though. One of the first things Hinata had mastered in the Academy was the art of picking a lock with chakra alone. It was a tedious method of trial and error by which one would slip their chakra into the keyhole and try to blindly mold it into the shape of whatever key was meant to unlock it, using only the feel and flow of the chakra against the metal inside of the lock to guide them. When she was just learning, this method could have taken hours at a time, but, bless her soul, she wanted to impress Iruka-sensei and would sit there as long as it took, practicing and practicing until, one day, she found she could do it in under a minute.

Although she was by now resigned to the fact that she would probably have to use her lock picking skills to get into the file, she gave another mighty tug in hopes that she might not have to break out the big guns. When the drawer remained as stiff as ever, Hinata dropped her hand down to the keyhole and let it hover there, closing her eyes in concentration as her chakra floated into the lock. After about twenty seconds, the latch gave a satisfying _click_ and the file easily slid open.

The drawer was almost empty. To test the waters, she pulled out the first set of documents and flipped through them. Not surprisingly, the papers were information and reports about a mission attempted by Team Gai. A mission that they had failed. Just to be sure, Hinata checked a few more of the files, all of them showing a bright red stamp reading "failed" in all capital letters on the front of each manila folder.

That was it, then. The drawer she was in now contained all the reports from failed missions. If the information she needed wasn't in this drawer, it wasn't anywhere. She hastily started reading the tabs that stuck up from the folders, flicking through them at top speed in her eagerness, and came to a sudden halt when her fingers brushed against a tab simply labelled, "Sakura".

Hinata's spine instantly straightened and her nervous system went into full gear, all her senses alive and alert as she took the file into her hands and opened it to the first page. She began to read.

_Haruno Sakura, Female, Blood Type O-_

Hinata shook her head and flipped the page over, continuing to read.

_Age twenty-two when last seen, seemed to have been romantically involved with Hatake Kakashi, elite jounin and ANBU-_

She was getting nowhere, everything she'd read so far was stuff she already knew. Hinata wanted to be as thorough as possible, but with time running out, she had to be speedy. Instead of reading each word, she started to quickly scan for key terms like _location, scent trail, possible path_. When she was near the end of the stack of papers, her eyes focused in on one word: _whereabouts._ She began to read as quickly as possible.

_Whereabouts still unsure - trail found by Hatake Kakashi and Tenzou, stemmed off into many decoy trails but ultimately led in the direction of a small border village by the name of Tonzura._

That was all she needed. In one quick, fluid motion, Hinata slammed the file shut and shoved it back into the drawer, not bothering to return it to the slot she'd taken it from. She kicked the file cabinet closed and hopped to her feet. On her way out, she almost forgot to close the door to the file closet but managed to remember just in time. By the time she'd finally gotten out of the office, Shizune was heading up the hall, making her way toward her desk. Hinata, walking swiftly and trying not to look suspicious, gave the woman a brisk bow as they passed each other, and in a few short minutes, she was out of the administration building and back on the streets of Konoha.

If Hinata wasn't mistaken, Tonzura was somewhere northwest of Konoha. The quickest way out in that direction would be the west gate which was, unfortunately, located in one of the most populated areas of town. It was at the end of an affordable living district and there was absolutely no way Hinata could slip out without being seen. In broad daylight, any guard would easily let her out for a walk outside the village gates if she asked nicely - she was loyal to Konoha and came from not only a famous clan, but a wealthy clan. There was little that a village official would deny her. But there were plenty of factors that could give her away to suspicion, such as the speed her heart rate would pick up when surrounded by so many people.

But that was a risk she was willing to take. If she wanted to get out before Shizune caught on to what she had planned, or worse, Naruto found out, she needed to take the quickest route out of the village. So she set off for the west gate, simultaneously trying to keep her pace nonchalant and fast. The closer she got to the village entrance, the smaller the space between each apartment building became, and with the denser packing of buildings came more civilians and shinobi alike. Her heart was absolutely racing now as she prayed to every god that nobody would try to stop her on her way, for if they did, she wasn't sure if she would be able to stay tight-lipped.

She was mere meters away from the towering gates when she saw two faces she recognized. Directly within her line of vision were Kurenai and her little daughter taking an afternoon walk. The young girl was skipping cheerily. She looked up and made direct eye contact with Hinata, and her entire face brightened with a wide grin. When she pointed and tugged on her mother's sleeve, Hinata flushed bright red and put a bit more speed in her step. The last thing she needed was for her sensei to come upon her now. They'd known each other for so long, Kurenai would be able to pick up the smallest lie Hinata could possibly come up with.

She was clumsy in her haste to get out before someone stopped her, bumping into random civilians, each of them harrumphing when she nudged by them. She was so clumsy in fact that when a male figure suddenly dropped down in front of her, she couldn't even stop her feet in time to refrain from bumping into him. Her face met coarse orange cloth and she stepped back, dazed and confused.

When she looked up, she was met by the calculating blue gaze of her fiancé. A lump rose in her throat and she struggled to swallow it down.

"What are you doing?" he asked her.

"Um-"

"Where are you going?"

"Nowhere," replied Hinata dumbly.

"I just spoke with Shizune. She said you were wondering about Sakura."

Hinata was not one to curse aloud. She'd been raised better than that, always being told it wasn't ladylike and it was rather unbecoming. But more than that, it was difficult to get her worked up to the point of using expletives. In fact, she couldn't remember the last time she'd sworn in front of other people, much less the last time she'd done it in private. But inside her head, she was spewing all sorts of bad words. Because the two things she wanted least to happen were happening now, both at the same time.

In an attempt to cover up her tracks, she mumbled, "Well, of course, who isn't wondering about-"

"She said you wanted to talk to Kuragari about it," Naruto accused.

Out of the corner of her eye, Hinata could see Kurenai and her child approaching. There was no need to cause a scene here, and there was no need to Kurenai's daughter to be exposed to it, so Hinata took a quick backward step in retreat and said, "I only meant-"

Glancing in the direction Hinata had, Naruto saw what had her concerned. Instead of handling the situation gently, which he would have done under any other circumstances, he roughly grabbed Hinata's wrist and pulled her away from the approaching mother and daughter, ignoring Kurenai's calls for them to wait up while he dragged Hinata back where she'd come from.

"Are you insane?" he demanded. "Nevermind the things Kuragari has the power to do to you, did you really think it was okay to go off _alone_ to try and find Sakura?"

"But she's been gone for so long, I-"

Hinata didn't have the chance to finish her argument when Naruto interrupted, "I don't even want to _think_ about the things that might have happened to you. You don't know how far she's gone, you don't even know if she's _alive_-"

Her heart gave a tight squeeze at his words and she tore her arm out of his grasp. His eyes widened at her sudden boldness and burst of strength, but he did not make any attempt to reclaim her wrist, most likely because, like Hinata, he'd noticed the few curious glances that were being sent their way. Their dispute was causing quite the scene on an otherwise uneventful day in the village. Despite the fact that Hinata had been shying away from prying eyes for the past few hours, she couldn't help but raise her voice when she snapped, "Don't say that!"

For a minute, Naruto seemed flabbergasted by Hinata's sudden shouting. It was unlike her to raise her voice, especially to those she loved, which meant he'd struck a chord in her. So he softened his tone when he asked, "What were you thinking? You could have at least told me what you were planning."

Still speaking more loudly than necessary, Hinata reasoned, "You wouldn't have let me go!"

"Of course I wouldn't have!" Belatedly, Naruto remembered to lower his voice. "That doesn't matter. We're getting _married_, Hinata, you're supposed to tell me everything."

She was at a complete loss for words after that. Dumbstruck entirely. What was he implying? Had she broken his trust in her? That couldn't be the case. She'd only been trying to please him from the very beginning, it couldn't be that he no longer trusted her over something she'd done for _his_ sake. "I only wanted to help," she told him. The shock of realizing she'd hurt him somehow had quieted her tone. "I was doing what I thought you wanted. I was trying to be brave like you."

When she finished, her eyes fell downward, rendering her unable to catch Naruto's sympathetic expression. After a moment of silence, she felt his thumb and forefinger graze her chin and lift it. Ashamed, she looked anywhere but into his eyes.

"I'm not _that_ brave," she heard him say.

She looked into his eyes then and said, "You're not scared of anything."

"I was today." At Hinata's expression - one part surprised and two parts confused - he explained, "I was afraid I might lose you."

Hinata felt shame overcome her once again. She closed her eyes and apologized, "I'm sorry. I was only trying to help."

"You want my advice?" Hinata nodded, prompting Naruto to press a short kiss to her lips. When he pulled away, he suggested, "Next time, don't clue Shizune in. She's got a mouth the size of Lee's eyebrows."

He let out a loud bark of a laugh and she giggled in response, tucking herself into the loving arms he offered to her.

* * *

Kakashi hated today. He'd decided he would hate today the moment he got up in the morning. There was nothing particularly upsetting about today that set it apart from other days as any worse. But Sakura was still gone and people were still talking about it. So Kakashi hated today.

Nevertheless, he'd ventured out of the comfort of his apartment. He couldn't say why he'd even bothered. None of the few friends he had wanted to speak to him for the fact that he was too dark and brooding these days, and the villagers didn't dare approach him in his mood. The last time someone had made the mistake of interacting with him on a day he'd decided to hate, he'd set three of his dogs upon the poor guy to keep him away.

But being avoided like the plague wasn't all bad, he supposed. If it meant he didn't have to hear hurtful rumors about a girl he couldn't bear to think about too often as much as he usually did, he could handle the crushing loneliness. He'd suffered worse. He'd been suffering worse for the past three years and he didn't think the suffering would let up for a long, long time to come.

As he made his way through town at a leisurely pace, he saw many familiar faces in his peripheral vision. Iruka was out on a field trip it seemed with a group of particularly young Academy students crowding around him, leaning in to listen to a lesson of apparent interest. Kurenai was kneeling on the ground near her daughter, trying to comfort the crying girl, murmuring gentle words about how she was sure nobody had meant to hurt her feelings. Gai and Lee were causing an absurd ruckus together, as usual, and Genma was just coming out of the adult bookstore. None of them acknowledged Kakashi's presence, and he made a mental note to hate all of them for the rest of his life.

The only one of his acquaintances worth being decent to was Tenzou, for on a day where nobody spared Kakashi even a wave of their hand, Tenzou was there, exiting through the front door of the post office and catching sight of the man who had once been his superior in the ANBU. At first, his eyes darted from Kakashi to the nearby jounin living quarters, as if he wasn't sure whether or not today was a good day for Kakashi. In the end, it seemed he decided it couldn't do much harm to catch up with an old friend. He turned to face Kakashi fully and approached him.

"Kakashi," he curtly greeted.

"Tenzou," Kakashi replied. He stood still with his hands in his pockets while Tenzou appraised him warily. He wasn't sure what Tenzou was looking for exactly. Kakashi had dressed himself that morning in the same ensemble he usually wore. His hair was a little messier than it was most other days simply because he'd been too lazy and in too foul a mood to bother combing it. And perhaps the shadows encircling his eyes had darkened in color as a result of his bizarre sleeping habits. But these were minor nuances in an otherwise plain appearance, so Kakashi couldn't be sure why Tenzou was eyeing him so calculatingly.

"You're not reading today," Tenzou said finally.

Well, that answered it. It was true. Kakashi had left the bright orange book that had become so signature to his character at home which was certainly bizarre, even for someone who was already a little bit odd by nature. He was known to read Icha Icha when he was roaming the streets idly or when he was trying to avoid conversation. Actually, he was known for having the novel on him at all times, but he wasn't even carrying it in his pocket today, which could mean only one thing.

He was unfocused. The great, powerful, and skilled Copy Ninja Kakashi was tuned out of the real world, all his attention turned to the tumultuous mess that was his mind. It was difficult for him to function properly without his pink-haired counterpart and that fact was painfully evident to his closest friend.

"You're miserable, aren't you?" asked Tenzou.

"No," Kakashi answered too quickly. He was in no mood to get into it with his colleague. Besides, he wasn't as miserable as he was being made out to be. He was close, and he would probably be there within the next few months, but he wasn't there yet. "I'm a happy person. I swear I am."

Tenzou rolled his eyes. "You're a bad liar."

"No, really. I sing in the shower." The younger of the two scoffed. Kakashi ignored him and continued, "I laugh when I can. I do all the things happy people do, but that doesn't mean I don't miss her." He hadn't meant to bring Sakura up in conversation. It had just slipped out, really. He wasn't even entirely sure that that was what Tenzou had been aiming at, but it was probably safe to say that was the case. "It doesn't mean I don't wish things had happened differently, and it doesn't mean that I don't get upset over the fact that she probably doesn't miss me at all."

"You're perpetually upset by that." Tenzou kicked the ground beneath his feet, clearly uncomfortable with disagreeing so forwardly with his superior. "And it's become impossible to deal with, you know. You're not a happy person."

Kakashi shrugged. "I try to be. Shouldn't that count for something?"

"It would, if you were trying hard enough."

Kakashi would have argued, but before he got the chance, Tenzou was walking away and it didn't appear as if he would heed any command to come back. Not wanting to be left alone after having his own misery pointed out to him, he summoned Pakkun to his side. For a creature that knew little of human emotions, the canine was impossibly perceptive and picked up on Kakashi's thoughts almost immediately.

"It's been three years," he said gruffly. "You ever gonna move on?"

Kakashi gave Pakkun a glare, as if that was the dumbest thing he'd ever heard. Which it quite possibly was. "No," he simply said. "I don't care how long it's been, time doesn't heal. I don't want it to. If I heal, doesn't that mean I've accepted a world without her?"

"I don't do well with all this emotional crap."

From that point on, Pakkun kept his mouth shut. Although he could have chosen to disappear whenever he felt like it, he stayed by Kakashi's side, because although the man had feelings too complex for a pug to fully understand, they were still comrades and it wouldn't be right to leave him if he was truly upset.

At that point, Kakashi decided it was time to head home. He hadn't been out long, but he didn't want to risk another lecture, though he seriously doubted anyone else would have the courage to talk to him. He turned around and made his way back to his apartment building with Pakkun trotting faithfully behind him. When he was about halfway home, he caught a glimpse of a face he recognized more than most and he paused.

It was Naruto. Ordinarily, seeing Naruto out and about would be no big deal. The boy was known to spend his days in the company of his friends, whether it be by enjoying a meal at Ichiraku or simply walking around the village with a few companions. So it wasn't his mere presence that stood out to Kakashi. No, what struck him was his expression - a bizarre conglomeration of fear, anger, and disbelief. Even through harsh times, Naruto was known to keep a smile on his face.

Even stranger than the look on his face was the fact that he was shouting, or at least speaking very sternly, to Hinata. The blonde often raised his voice in excitement, but the only time he ever did it out of anger was when he was face to face with a frustrating enemy. And sometimes when Sai was pissing him off, but _never_ at Hinata. She was a meek girl, and he never wanted to make it appear as though he dominated her. But there was no doubt about what Kakashi had caught him doing now. Naruto was, for lack of a better word, yelling at Hinata.

"Something wrong?" Pakkun asked.

His voice startled Kakashi. He'd almost forgotten the dog was there. "No," he answered. "It's just weird to see them arguing. I don't think they ever have before."

Pakkun stared at the couple in question, tilting his head in a calculating manner. He assessed the situation for a moment, his ears perked up high and his nose twitching curiously, then his wrinkly lips seemed to curl up in a dog's version of a smile and his tongue fell out of his mouth. He panted cheerily, "Maybe it has something to do with that fact that she's got a litter on the way."

Kakashi raised both eyebrows, surprised. His eyes fell to Hinata's stomach, but he saw no visible sign of pregnancy. He couldn't smell it on her either, but that was understandable. His sense of smell was primitive in comparison to a dog's. It usually wasn't until the end of the second trimester of a pregnancy that he could smell it.

For a moment, he was struck with concern for his former student. Naruto and Hinata were young and had only just gotten engaged. Babies, from what Kakashi had heard from Kurenai, were a huge time commitment and big adjustments had to be made for them. Kakashi could trust Hinata to give up more of her time for a newborn. As it was, she rarely got missions anyway, and she came from wealth, so taking herself off the roster to raise a child would likely be no issue. Naruto, on the other hand, lived for two things: the hope that he might one day become Hokage and missions. Lots and lots of dangerous, high-paying missions.

It was quite apparent that the first of those things wasn't about to become a reality any time soon. And if Naruto had to remove himself from duty, even for his own son or daughter, it would crush him. He would be incredibly unhappy. Miserable, even. As miserable as Kakashi was without Sakura. Perhaps even worse off. On top of that, Kakashi didn't think Naruto was the type to take any sort of desk job, so their only source of income would be whatever low-paying desk job Hinata was qualified for and whatever money her father could be convinced to give her.

Kakashi sighed. His teammate was about to find himself in a messy situation, and Kakashi most likely wouldn't be able to help him, financially or otherwise. There was little he could do aside from silently wish them luck with their future and continue walking home.

When he reached his shabby apartment, he made himself lunch. Nothing special. Just some leftover rice from the other night and steamed vegetables. He sat on his sofa and ate and Pakkun jumped up to join him. The pug, having nothing better to do, dozed off against his owner's leg, twitching every so often in his sleep and making quiet gurgling sounds. He was probably having a good dream.

When Kakashi was done, he got up, carefully so as not to disturb the sleeping dog, and washed the dish he'd just used before replacing it in the cabinet it belonged to. He'd barely finished cleaning up after himself when he heard the high-pitched squeak of his door opening, followed by the bang of it being slammed shut.

"Kakashi-sensei!"

Kakashi was unsurprised to hear Naruto's voice calling his name. If he'd been discussing with Hinata what Pakkun had guessed, then he'd probably come for support. Moral support that Kakashi would damn well try to give him, but he'd probably fail. But even if he hadn't assumed Naruto would want to talk to him about such pressing matters, he'd already felt Naruto's chakra outside his apartment.

Kakashi shuffled out of the kitchen and sat back down beside Pakkun, gesturing to the chair opposite him. "Naruto," he greeted.

"Kakashi-sensei, I need to talk to you about something," Naruto said, a little bit flustered.

"I got that impression." Kakashi asked, "Is this about Hinata?" Pakkun stirred beside him at the noise.

Naruto looked confused for a brief moment, as if he hadn't expected Kakashi to know, which he probably hadn't. After all, he'd been in the middle of quite a heated argument when Kakashi had come upon him and he probably hadn't even noticed the older man's presence. After a minute, he said, "Yeah, actually."

Pakkun groggily looked from teacher to student and was about to go back to sleep when he realized what the pair was discussing. He jumped onto Kakashi's lap in an attempt to warn him, but he wasn't quick enough. Before Pakkun could advise him against it, Kakashi said, "Don't worry. I think you'll make an excellent father."

"You see, she did something today and- Wait. A father?"

Suddenly, Naruto's expression slipped into one of complete shock. Pakkun took one look at him and decided he didn't like where this conversation was headed. He muttered, "I'm out of here," and disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

Ignoring Pakkun's bizarre behavior, Kakashi asked, "Aren't you two expecting?" At Naruto's bewildered silence, the realization hit Kakashi that Naruto hadn't known. "Oh."

A long, tense pause stretched between them as Naruto processed the information he'd just been given. While the blonde was thinking, Kakashi cursed his own big mouth and Pakkun's sensitive nose and his decision to take the route home that had led him straight past Naruto and Hinata in the first place. If he'd just gone a different way, he wouldn't have had to be the one to break the news to Naruto. Kakashi tried to gauge his reaction, but the boy's expression was still uncharacteristically blank.

Then, a grin broke out across his features and he exclaimed, "I'm gonna be a dad? Holy shit! This is so awesome, I can't even- But wait." His face fell. "This just makes everything a whole lot worse!"

"I know they suck up a lot of time, but I don't think babies _actually_ ruin lives, Naruto," Kakashi muttered in a pathetic attempt at sympathy.

"No, no, no, I mean it makes what Hinata tried to do even more dangerous."

Confused at the sudden turn their conversation had taken, Kakashi asked, "What did she do?"

For a moment, Naruto seemed to blush. His eyes fell downward and away and he folded his hands, wringing them together, overall looking a little bit embarrassed. Then he admitted, "She tried to go looking for Sakura today."

That name had popped up in Kakashi's thoughts several times already that day, but the mention of the mission girl still didn't fail to send a sharp pang of regret shooting through his chest. He visibly deflated, slouching, almost closing in on himself, and he ran a hand through his already messy hair. "Did she?" he said.

"Yeah, and now that I know she's- Shit, she could have..." Naruto's brow furrowed. "What if she'd run into something dangerous? Do you think she knows? Could she really be that stupid?"

Kakashi looked up. "She might know, she might not. She's got to be in the early stages if I couldn't even tell until Pakkun told me." Naruto looked aghast at this new revelation of just how well a dog's nose worked, but Kakashi shrugged it off and continued, "Either way, I wouldn't call her stupid. I imagine she was just trying to help out."

"She's so reckless..."

"I don't know if I would call her that, either. She's just concerned is all."

"Concerned?" Naruto let out a bitter laugh that was entirely unbecoming on him. "Even I've lost hope already."

Another stab through the heart. Kakashi winced, asking, "You think she's dead?"

Naruto jumped up. "Don't even say that!" he shouted. Then, remembering himself, he sat back down in the lounge chair and said, "I have to believe she's still alive. I've just given up on the idea that she might come back someday. You know Sakura, she doesn't give up too easily. If she left, she probably had a damn good reason."

It wasn't. It wasn't a damn good reason, and Kakashi knew that, but he wasn't sure if telling Naruto that Sakura had left because she'd been chosen as Tsunade's successor would be in either of their best interests. Especially with Kuragari in the way, Naruto was sure to make a mess of things with that piece of information in hand. He'd probably go insane. Lose control of himself and the massive amounts of chakra within his body, and when it was all over, Kakashi would have to help clean up the destruction.

If he'd only kept on that scent trail he'd found all those years ago, maybe Sakura would still be here now and he wouldn't have to be worrying about any of this. If he hadn't let Tenzou dissuade him from tracking her until he'd found her, he might have been able to bring her back. Possibly without a fight.

But Kakashi had been waiting around for three years instead of taking action. He'd had hundreds of opportunities to make things right, and he'd never taken advantage of a single one of them.

Most people believed that Kakashi hoped and prayed for her return. And in a way, he did. But that was not what he wanted most for her. He prayed she was okay. That was it. He prayed all the parts of her that he remembered were still there. He prayed she was happy, even if it wasn't with him.

But his reluctance to act was now not only causing him to be a miserable, hollow shell of the man he'd once been, but it was also starting to tamper with the lives of others. He made a decision. And he told himself he was doing it for Naruto and Hinata and their unborn child, because the safety of all three of them mattered dearly to Kakashi. He tried to tell himself it was for the village's sake, what he'd decided to do, but in the back of his mind, he knew it was for his own selfish reasons.

He would bring her back somehow. And he would do it because he needed her.

* * *

Sitting in a plush, faux leather arm chair, Hinata wondered for the third time that hour when Naruto would be back. He'd headed out about an hour ago and had quietly told her he was going to visit Kakashi and he'd be back soon. Ordinarily, he would have gone to Sakura to talk about the small fight he'd had with Hinata earlier, but that wasn't an option these days.

Regret hit Hinata in the gut like it had been incessantly doing since Naruto had caught her trying to sneak out of the village. How could she have been so stupid? To compromise herself for a cause that was so lost, it was almost as if it had never existed, was foolish of her. And what's worse, she'd put someone else in danger. Someone who hadn't had the choice of whether they went with her or not.

She sighed, but didn't have much more time to dwell on her mistakes. A knock sounded at the door and Hinata immediately jumped up from her chair and speed-walked to answer it, hoping it was Naruto. When she opened the door, she was quite surprised to see not her fiancé, but his sensei.

"Oh, uh," she stammered. "Kakashi-san. I thought Naruto was visiting you?"

"He was." Hinata opened her mouth to ask where the blonde boy was now, but before she got the chance to speak, Kakashi said, "He was heading toward Ichiraku last time I saw him. You should see if you can catch up with him there. But later. May I come in?"

This was probably the first time Kakashi had ever stopped by specifically to see Hinata, and in her bewilderment, all she could do was step aside and allow him in. She shut the door behind him and returned to her chair, flopping down into it exhaustedly, and the two of them looked at each other in silence for awhile before Kakashi finally spoke again.

"Naruto told me what happened today."

Too tired and filled with shame to do anything else, Hinata just slumped even further in her seat and mumbled, "He did?"

Kakashi nodded. "That was risky, you know. You could have done serious harm to yourself... and others."

She looked up in time to catch the pointed glance he stole toward her stomach. She gasped and immediately sat straight up, dropping her arms down to cross over her waist. "I only meant well," she insisted.

"Sometimes good intentions aren't enough. Hinata, what you did today was stupid, inexcusable, unforgivable, and-" By that point, Hinata's head was turned away from him to hide her wet eyes. She heard him pause but didn't dare look up to see what had caused him to stop talking. Instead, she just sniffled and waited for the worst of his lecture to pass. But instead of hearing him shout at her like she thought she deserved, she only felt his hand come down onto her head and gently ruffle her hair as he said, "It was incredibly brave."

Hinata released a breath she didn't know she was holding. She peered up at Kakashi through her bangs and murmured, "Kakashi-san?"

"It was incredibly brave," he echoed. "In fact... Yes, I'd say you're braver than most jounin in this village." His eyes looked sad for a moment, then they took on a careful, but obviously false happiness. "You did something a certain someone should have done a long time ago. Granted, you failed, but you tried, at least. You're a hero of sorts."

Noting that his hand was still rested on her head, mussing up her hair, she took a light hold on his wrist and easily moved his hand back to his side. He quickly put it into his pocket. "Would '_a certain someone_' be you?" she asked nervously.

"Brave _and_ clever." He took out his hand again and patted her shoulder twice, then brought it back to his pocket. "Don't worry. I'll finish the job for you."

Hinata watched him walk toward the door and wondered if there was anything she should say to him. What if he failed like she had? Surely he could fight anyone that tried to stop him off, but what if someone found out, and the news travelled quickly enough to get a group of people to stop Kakashi in his tracks? After all, the only reason Naruto had known what Hinata was doing was because Shizune had told him. Then it occurred to Hinata that she was quite possibly the only one Kakashi had told.

"Kakashi-san!" she called after him.

"Yes?"

"I won't tell anyone."

For a moment, he eyed her curiously, as if assessing the truth in her words. Then his eye creased in what was surely a smile. In a warm, appreciative voice, he said, "I know you won't." And then he was gone.

* * *

_A/N: Long chapter! Please enjoy because I put my heart and soul into every word in this installment. Did anybody else miss Kakashi in the last chapter? I missed him. And now he's back. PROBLEM SOLVED. Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy, and if you are so inclined, I encourage you to drop me a review._


	9. Found

_"I left to find help! And I found _you_. Don't you understand? You're our only hope._

- Nala

* * *

Sakura was a late riser. She didn't like to be up early. If someone or something rousted her before ten in the morning, the disturbance would leave her in a foul mood for the rest of the day. This was probably due to the fact that she was a bit of a night owl and typically stayed up into the wee hours of the morning. As a medic, she'd heard all the old sayings - "early to bed, early to rise" and all that - but quite frankly, she didn't care. Her sleeping habits were her own business.

That said, she would have preferred an early rise as opposed to no sleep whatsoever. But with her mind a million miles away, rest was not exactly easy to come by. Hundreds of times, Shizune had told her about not being able to fall asleep because she'd had so much on her mind, but Sakura always assumed the older medic was exaggerating.

As it turned out, losing an entire night of sleep to her thoughts alone was entirely possible. Sakura had just had her first sleepless night. And while she was more exhausted than she could recall ever having been before, there was at least one perk to losing sleep.

Watching the sun come up. As a late riser, sunrises were luxuries Sakura did not often indulge in. She simply didn't have the patience to wake up at six in the morning to see the sun come over the horizon, but whenever she was awake early enough to see it, it was always worth it.

Tonzura, as it turned out, had a beautiful sunrise. It was a small village that Sakura would have ordinarily passed through, but a certain incident on the outskirts of the town had left her little choice but to stay for awhile to allow her body time to recuperate. When she'd fully healed from her injury, she'd briefly considered heading back out on the road. Then Emiko, the kind girl who had taken her in without asking her to share the cost of the inn room they now shared, had convinced her to stay. After some deliberation, Sakura had determined that wherever she was, she was safe, and when she agreed to stay with Emiko, they celebrated by taking a quick tour of the village.

It wasn't exactly what one would call "scenic". The climate was warmer than Sakura preferred and the grass and trees were either all dying or were just pale shades of brown by nature. On good days, passing clouds provided occasional shade from the brutal sun. And the worst days, the same clouds would carry storms through the village, leaving the atmosphere humid and uncomfortable. It was a far cry from Konoha, but Sakura preferred not to think about it that way. It just made her miss home a lot more than she already did.

If Sakura had seen Tonzura's sunrise sooner, she would have already forgiven the town for its unpleasant weather. Sitting in the window seat, Sakura watched the sun slowly come up over the horizon, casting a golden glow over everything the budding sunlight touched. The sky was lit up with varying shades of yellow, pink, and orange, the clouds illuminated underneath and darker on top. Usually, Sakura did not take much pleasure in nature's beauty, but this was an exception. There was no way she could deny that the sight was aesthetically pleasing, almost breathtaking.

But soon, the show was over, and a sky that had been an explosion of many colors just moments before was now uniformly blue, save for the few clouds that drifted by. Sakura sighed. Judging by the sun's position in the sky, it was somewhere around half past seven. A quick glance at the clock on her nightstand told her that it was actually a little closer to eight. Either way, it was still a lot earlier than she would normally like to be awake.

For a moment, she considered slipping into bed to attempt to get some sleep, but she doubted she'd be able to fall asleep now that the bright sunlight was trickling in through the window. The best thing she could do for herself now was indulge in a little bit of people-watching.

For a small border village, Tonzura was quite populated. She guessed that most of the inhabitants lived in the shops they owned and operated because there didn't seem to be a lot of houses around. Most, if not all of them were civilians. Some of them might have been medics like Emiko, but Sakura doubted if any of the Tonzura villagers knew a thing about combat or any kind of jutsu. There were no shinobi that were just passing through, either, which was a comfort to Sakura.

For awhile, she entertained herself by watching the village come to life. Within an hour, the streets went from quiet and empty to bustling and crowded. She watched while merchants traded goods and children played with each other while their parents ran errands. Every once in awhile, a little girl or boy would trip and scrape up their knee, and each time, Sakura would feel a pull towards the door. She itched to heal their cuts and bruises, but she had to remember that she wasn't an expert medic in Tonzura. Not yet, at least. Soon, she would divulge more information about herself to Emiko, but until then, she had to watch her words and actions carefully. For now, she was simply an average shinobi with average auburn hair and average green eyes.

When watching the townspeople got boring, she started to scan the scene before her for something more interesting. She looked upon a dog that was quite clearly distressed - she could hear his frustrated whimpers through the window. Her eyes followed his leash as she wondered what kind of pet owner would ignore a crying puppy, but it turned out the critter's owner had stepped away for a moment, because the leash was tied securely around a lamppost.

A lamppost.

Trust Sakura to gaze upon the one thing that would get her thinking about things she'd rather not dwell upon. Suddenly, her thoughts were three years in the past, replaying Tsunade's speech about the lights visible from her post and how they ended where Konoha's territory did. That had been the same night she'd dropped the bomb on Sakura and told her that she was the next Hokage.

Sakura distinctly remembered the shock and disbelief she'd felt. Not only because she _knew_ that she was nowhere near ready to take on that kind of responsibility, nor did she particularly want to, but becoming Hokage was _Naruto's_ dream. When Tsunade picked her, she felt like she'd betrayed her best friend even though she'd had absolutely no say in the matter. If Tsunade had just picked Naruto then Sakura would still be in Konoha right now, sleeping comfortably curled against Kakashi.

Kakashi.

Sakura wouldn't dare to say she missed anyone from Konoha, because admitting that she did would only cause herself pain, but if she was being completely honest with herself, she did miss all of them. Naruto, Tsunade, even Sai who had the emotional capacity of an infant. But whether she owned up to it or not, it remained fact that she missed Kakashi the most. She missed his voice, his scent, his messy hair, even his mask. She missed the sex, of course, but mostly she missed spending every day with him. Their comfortable conversations and the way he used to hold and caress her when he thought she was asleep.

If he was here right now, would he still want to hold her the same way? No, she thought, probably not. He had to be so disappointed in her. If she had the chance, she'd apologize to him for leaving him behind. Most of her time was spent trying not to relive her past or reminisce on every night they'd spent together. He'd probably never forgive her for running away from her problems, for choosing the coward's way out.

But then again, it wasn't as if she'd ever claimed to be brave.

Perhaps she was being too hard on herself. She'd had a good reason to leave Konoha behind, hadn't she? It wasn't _running_, exactly. It was more like an escape. Tsunade had told her that there was no choice in the matter. That Sakura would become Hokage no matter what. She was trapped. She had to find a way out, and she did.

Maybe, if there was even the slightest chance that things would be different, she'd go back to Konoha. But even if she returned now, she doubted if her relationship with Kakashi could be repaired, especially if she had the added stress of being the Sixth Hokage. Whether she returned home or remained here in Tonzura, she would have to let go of him every single day.

She had no idea how she was going to live her life without him, but the first step was to stop missing him. If she allowed herself to miss him, she would in turn be allowing herself to remember his refusal to confess his love for her when she'd truly believed he'd harbored those feelings.

"What are you thinking about?"

Sakura came back into her own at the sound of Emiko's voice. She hadn't been paying attention to the scene outside the window it seemed because when her eyes refocused, she saw that the dog was no longer tied to the lamppost and was otherwise nowhere to be found. Set free.

"What?" she asked.

"You only stare off into space when you're thinking about something," Emiko pointed out.

Perhaps it was a bad thing that Emiko knew so much about Sakura after what little time they'd spent together. After all, it had only been a couple weeks. She was impossibly perceptive for someone who had never been trained for that purpose. It was a miracle that Emiko hadn't already picked up on Sakura's true identity. Still, Sakura tried to lie.

"Oh, it's nothing," she insisted with a faint blush.

"You're a bad liar, you know."

"Yeah, well, that's because I wasn't trying very hard."

Although Sakura kept her eyes trained on the scenery outside the window, she was still hyperaware of Emiko's gaze boring into her. She could just imagine the girl's cautious, calculating expression. She heard Emiko come up behind her and felt the cushion of the window seat dip down next to her when Emiko sat down.

"Let's see if I can't figure this one out." Sakura turned to face Emiko then and noticed that her eyes were not so much calculating as they were kind and gentle and understanding. "Your hair is a mess, so you're probably not planning on impressing any boys today, if you plan to go out at all. Your eyes are red and puffy, so I'd venture to guess you've either been crying a little bit or you haven't slept all night. Oh, dear..."

"What's your diagnosis, Emiko-chan?" Sakura asked.

"Well, I can't be sure," Emiko sighed playfully. "I have very little equipment here, and I'd like to run some tests, but I simply don't have the materials. However, I'd say you're nursing one hell of a broken heart. And not the school girl crush kind. This is the real deal."

"I hate when you see right through me, it's a little bit disconcerting."

"Tell me about him. What's he like?"

The question caught Sakura off guard. Emiko did not often pry. Not because she didn't want to know, but because she could usually read Sakura like an open book. Most of the time, there was no need for her to ask questions. But she sounded so eager, so interested in Sakura's past that, despite the fact that she didn't really feel like getting into a discussion about the man she'd left behind, she didn't really have the heart to turn Emiko down.

"It's hard to tell sometimes," Sakura began. "He's sort of an enigma. I mean, even his closest friends know very little about him." For a moment, Sakura wondered if she could adequately explain Kakashi to Emiko. He was rather hard to put into words, but when she begrudgingly allowed herself to reflect on her past with him, describing his personality became easier. "If you catch him when he's tired, he's the sweetest. He's quiet, but not shy. He cares a lot - about his comrades, and sometimes about me. But people change, you know?"

"So he must be back in... whatever village you came from?" Emiko asked eagerly.

"Yeah." Sakura nodded, looking wistfully out the window again. "I visited him right before I left. I wanted to tell him I loved him, same as I always do before a mission."

Sakura could feel Emiko's eyes on her, watching her face fall into a forlorn expression, but she didn't have the energy to put on a guarded mask. Emiko, whose apparent ability to read minds got stranger by the second, asked, "He didn't say it back, did he?"

"No," Sakura sighed. "He didn't."

For once, Sakura allowed herself to forget that Emiko was there. For just one brief moment, she let herself forget the character she was trying to play and gave into being Haruno Sakura of Konoha. Her knees came up to her chest and she set her head on top as she wrapped her arms around herself and tried to ignore the stinging feeling in the backs of her eyes. The first tear barely had time to get out before Emiko was on her, holding her in a way that reminded her of Kakashi, making it harder for her to hold back her emotions.

"Sakura, it might be best to push him to the back of your mind," Emiko suggested quietly. "I'm not going to tell you to forget about him, because I know how hard that can be, but if he didn't even return your feelings, is he really worth your attention now that he's not here?"

Sakura laughed, albeit slightly bitterly. "I've tried. I hate him for the way he acted that night, I really do. But sometimes I can't help but wonder if he wonders where I am."

The two of them were silent for a moment, then Sakura felt Emiko's cheeks pull up in a smile when the younger of the two said, "Let's hope he never catches up with you, then."

Sakura's tears were short-lived. When she wiped them off her cheeks, she noticed that no more fell to replace the ones she'd gotten rid of. Probably it was Emiko's good-humored voice cheering her up, but even though Emiko's tone held a hint of mirth, Sakura couldn't help her curiosity. "Why would you say that?" she asked.

"Well, because I'll kill him!"

Sakura laughed freely now as she hugged Emiko back. Ordinarily, she would have made an argument on Kakashi's behalf. Something along the lines of, "I doubt you'd be able to get the upper hand on him. He's a ninja and a better one than I am." But for the first time in a long time, Sakura didn't feel the need to defend him. So instead, she jokingly fibbed, "You're the worst friend."

* * *

Sakura had been to four different restaurants in Tonzura during her stay with Emiko, but all of them seemed the same to her. For one, they all primarily served meals composed of different cuts of beef and various vegetables. None of them offered any fish options, which was a shame because Sakura was a fish fan herself, and even Fujo had been complaining about a lack of fish recently. She guessed that Tonzura was probably pretty far from a decent body of water and that the village depended heavily on nearby agricultural resources. Now that she thought about it, there were a lot of farmers around...

What she found especially peculiar was the fact that if people in the restaurant spoke at all while they were dining, they spoke in hushed tones and whispers, but not like they were sharing secrets. It appeared to be proper etiquette, actually. Simple table manners, like keeping your elbows down and using silverware from the outside in. Sakura had visited quaint tea shops in Konoha that had been louder than the largest restaurant she'd visited in Tonzura.

But even weirder than that was the fact that all of them were very dimly lit. So dimly lit, in fact, that before Sakura got used to it, she had to squint her eyes to be able to see properly. Nobody around her seemed to have trouble with it. At first, Sakura assumed that Tonzura just didn't have a lot of energy reserves, but when she sat down for a meal with Emiko one evening just as the sun began to set, she discovered the true reason for the strange dark atmosphere.

Even lovelier than the sunrise was the way the colors from the sunset streamed through the window and bounced off of every strategically placed mirror in the diner. Rays of violet, blue, and peach reflected and sparkled on crystal chandeliers, shining candelabras and candlesticks, the jewelry worn by the hostesses and waitresses. The walls, once a plain beige, were now painted orange and yellow.

And in just fifteen minutes, it was all gone, and the lights Sakura had at first considered dim now seemed too bright and harsh.

A waitress swept by without a word to place their meals on the table and disappeared just as silently. Sakura barely touched her food. She picked at it every now and then, spreading the veggies and sauces around to make it look like she'd been eating it, but as hard as she tried, she could not fool the girl across from her.

"I thought we'd already been over this," Emiko sighed. "You need an intervention."

Sakura knew what Emiko was talking about. Still, she asked, "What are you talking about?"

"You have an unhealthy addiction."

"To what?"

Emiko's ever present smile perked up slightly. "To thoughts and memories of things and people that will only hurt you in the end," she explained. "To the need to feel wanted by one specific person, when there are other people who give you more worth."

"More worth than necessary," Sakura grumbled.

"Hey, now, this was never about your worth!" Emiko said. "I'm just saying, put your faith in people who will put their faith in you. And for the record, I don't think anyone you know has given you nearly _enough_ worth if you've come all the way to the middle of nowhere."

"I guess." Sakura, in spite of what she'd been taught as a girl, dropped her elbow onto the table and settled her chin into the palm of her hand. Her eyes drifted toward the window beside their booth and she wondered how she ever came to be such a mess. For the first time in what felt like forever, she felt something in the very pit of her stomach that made her deeply uncomfortable with herself.

She felt weak.

By no means was she physically weak. Although her strength hadn't been tested in many weeks, there was no doubt that she could still bring a building four stories high down with her bare fists. But for the first time since her youth, more specifically for the first time since a certain boy had walked away from her and left her feeling completely and utterly alone, she had allowed herself to become vulnerable.

Even more than that, she didn't even bother to hide it anymore. Back in the day, she would have done anything to prove that she wasn't hurt by what Sasuke did to her, even though she still counted it as one of her darkest hours. But now that she wasn't surrounded by people who would hold it against her as a sign of being a bad shinobi, she found that she didn't really care if she looked weak or not.

Naturally, Emiko took notice of this. She'd tried to pretend she didn't see the way Sakura was falling down a pit of despair, but it was becoming more and more evident by the day, and Emiko, as a girl who seemed perpetually content with even the worst things life had to offer, wasn't one to sit around and let unhappiness go by unaddressed for too long.

"Sakura," she said gently and quietly. "I want to try something."

Sakura looked away from the window and into the green eyes of her friend. "What is it?"

"Repeat after me, okay?"

At first, Sakura was skeptical. She remembered playing repeat games with her classmates in the Academy, and sometimes Iruka-sensei would make the whole class repeat every word he said just to check if everyone was paying attention. She'd never found any fun in the former and certainly didn't see the effectiveness in the latter, but perhaps unwisely, she trusted Emiko.

"Okay," she agreed finally.

"My name is Sakura."

One of Sakura's eyebrows perked up, but when Emiko leaned forward expectantly, Sakura sighed and bended to the other girl's will. "'My name is Sakura'," she echoed.

"I am twenty-five years old," Emiko stated.

Apparently this repeat game included a lot of stating the obvious. "'I am twenty-five years old.'"

"I have known love and I have known heartbreak."

"'I have known love and I have known heartbreak.'"

Emiko paused. Her smile grew ever wider and she locked eyes with Sakura, speaking her next words with such conviction, it was impossible to consider them untrue. "And I am strong enough to survive both."

Sakura's lips curled up into a smile that nearly matched Emiko's pleased grin. She looked fondly at the girl across from her and gave a small nod and a chuckle before she repeated the words, putting her faith into every syllable as she uttered, "I'm strong enough to survive both."

* * *

For a long time, it seemed like Kakashi was getting next to nowhere. He wasn't sure how long he'd been traveling through the dense forest. Three days at the very least. All he was sure of was the the longer he walked, the uglier the foliage became. The trees started out a fresh green and now most of the leaves were brown and dry. He'd stocked up on food the last time he'd come across a village, but he was running low now, and he wasn't entirely sure what he'd do if he ran out before he reached another town.

By some miracle, he'd found the right scent trail which was one thing to feel good about. He could barely smell her now, her scent mingled with the aromas of dying trees and crunchy grass. But he'd been summoning Pakkun every now and again, and each time the pug assured him that he was still headed in the right direction. Kakashi knew better than to argue with his dogs' superior noses.

Unfortunately, Pakkun had been unwilling to stay and travel with him, citing other responsibilities as his reason for not sticking around. He'd said something about tending to pups, but Kakashi was fairly sure none of his dogs were very keen on puppies, so the probability of any of them having families of their own was small. But Kakashi had let Pakkun go, which meant now he was traveling all alone with nothing to distract him from his wandering thoughts.

He wasn't paying much attention when the trees began to thin. He was instead wondering if there was anything he might have been able to do to stop Sakura from leaving on that fateful night approximately three years ago. In retrospect, he probably should have picked up on the hints she'd been dropping, most importantly her reluctance to give out details about her "mission" and the way she'd been prying (after all, hadn't Sakura always been the one to give Naruto a good smack upside the head every time he tried to hassle Kakashi into talking about his personal life?).

He considered the fact that he might have convinced Sakura to stay if he'd just sucked it up and confessed his feelings for her. Knowing what he knew now, he was sure he could have stopped her from going through with her plans. But of course, he'd had no idea what was on her mind all that time ago. The two of them, as shinobi, were naturally very guarded, and it was no surprise that Sakura nearly surpassed him in her ability to keep secrets.

The feeling of falling pulled him out of his thoughts and he managed to catch himself just before he plummeted into the ground. Distracted by his regrets, he'd failed to notice when the forest stopped and gave way to the edge of a village. A wooden sign directly before him read in peeling letters "Tonzura". He sniffed in search of Sakura's scent, but alas, among the other town smells - cooking that made his stomach rumble eagerly, the stench of smoke from fireplaces, alcohol from a nearby bar - hers was indiscernible. With his inferior nose, there was little to no chance he'd be able to seek her out if he was in fact on the outskirts of the village she'd come to.

Suddenly, Pakkun poofed into existence at Kakashi's side. The dog glanced at his master for a moment, taking in Kakashi's thoughtful expression, then said, "I don't know what it is with humans and thinking, but you do it way too much."

Kakashi sighed. He only wished he could turn his brain off. "Tell me something I don't know," he grumbled. "Can you smell her?"

"Yeah." Pakkun said nothing else, and Kakashi fidgeted. Then, catching on, the pug asked, "Oh, you want me to find her?"

"No, I summoned you for your conversation skills."

"Okay, what do you want to talk about?"

Kakashi shot the dog an icy glare and the animal cringed. "Right, sarcasm. You humans seem to have a problem with that, too."

Pakkun's nose began to twitch and his head tilted slightly upward. He sat in silence for a moment, seeming to contemplate the variety of scents now on his palate, then he casually began to trot forward. As Kakashi followed him, he attempted to make light conversation. "You know, if she sees you, she's gonna make a run for it," he pointed out.

"Maybe I think too much and maybe I tend toward sarcasm, but at least I don't point out the obvious," Kakashi said with a roll of his eyes.

"Hey, I'm only trying to help here, alright? Don't get all upset with me just because you're mad that you chased her off in the first place."

"I did not-!" When he raised his voice, several civilians shot a wary look in his direction. A few of them even hustled out of sight. Clearly this village was not accustomed to shinobi the way Konoha was. Kakashi took a breath and forced himself to calm down. "I did not chase her off. I made a bad judgement call. I meant nothing by it."

Sensing that Kakashi was no longer in the mood for conversation, Pakkun kept quiet after that, leaving Kakashi to his thoughts once more. It was unlike him to get riled up, and it was even more unlike him to get upset with his dogs. Before Sakura had wheedled her way into Kakashi's life, Pakkun and the other ninken had been Kakashi's most cherished friends which might have been a little pathetic, but pathetic was something he was not entirely opposed to. In all honesty, he _was_ upset with himself and he _was_ taking it out on Pakkun. He made a mental note to apologize for his actions later, but for now, he needed to pay attention.

The pair were getting closer and closer to the other end of the small village and Kakashi felt a small twinge of panic rise up in him. He refused to believe that he'd just travelled three days with limited food and water only to discover he had to _keep going_. "She's not here?" he asked worriedly.

Pakkun paused at that, pointing his muzzle upward and taking in the scents around him once more. He remained silent for a moment, then, in a whisper, he instructed Kakashi to follow him. Whispering was peculiar behavior, especially for Pakkun and especially in an area where Kakashi suspected no immediate threats, but he made no arguments. He obediently followed Pakkun into an alley way next to what appeared to be a quaint restaurant and hid with the dog by a pair of dumpsters. The smell, needless to say, was absolutely appalling.

"What are we doing-"

"Masking our scent. Now hush," Pakkun hissed. "Look."

The creature indicated with one of his front paws a pair of women that appeared outside of the restaurant. They seemed to be laughing about something, but for the din coming from within the cafe's walls, Kakashi couldn't hear what. He strained his ears, curious to know what he was listening for, and when he did so, he heard one of them - the one with long, choppy auburn hair - groan and inform the other that she'd forgotten her wallet inside.

"You go on ahead," the auburn-haired girl insisted. "I'll catch up with you at the inn!"

Then she turned around and Kakashi's eyes were first drawn to her dark blue mask. He wondered for a moment what purpose any civilian living in Tonzura would have for a mask, then his eyes moved upward and they caught sight of the girl's and he didn't have to wonder any longer. He would know those eyes anywhere.

* * *

"Are you sure?" Emiko asked. "I don't mind waiting."

Sakura wasn't blind enough to miss Emiko's slight shiver. "No, no, it's hot out. I won't be long. Go back to the inn."

"If you're sure," Emiko sighed, appearing concerned for a moment. But when she trotted off in the direction of the inn the two of them were staying at, she looked more grateful than anything to be one step closer to air conditioning.

Sakura smiled as she watched her friend bound away. She'd only known Emiko a couple weeks, and already, they were close friends. Sakura guessed that she'd be able to tell Emiko about being a medic soon. There was enough trust between them now for Sakura to divulge a bit more information about herself. But then she asked herself if she really had to.

Here in Tonzura, she didn't _have_ to be a medic. She could just be a rogue shinobi, a run away, or kicked out of her village perhaps. No allegiance, no loyalties to anyone. She could make a whole new life here, and with Emiko, it would be easy. Sakura didn't have to pretend to forget about her past when she was with the dark-haired girl. Emiko made it easy for her by distracting her with playful conversation and light jokes, often at her own expense.

With a small smile still touching her lips, she turned around and headed back toward the restaurant's entrance. She smiled at the few people she passed, though all they could see was the pleasant crease of her eyes. When she reached the door and extended her hand toward the handle, she felt a tug at her arm, and suddenly, she was in an alley way with a man's hand clutching her upper arms.

The vice-like grip brought back disconcerting memories of the two men who had assaulted her and tried to take advantage of her several weeks ago. Immediately, Sakura began to struggle, and when she couldn't force herself out of her attacker's grasp, she wondered if weeks without training had deteriorated her skills. When she realized thrashing against his hold would be of little to no help, she settled for the next best thing, which for her was shouting, "Get your hands off me, you scum!"

The man's face was suddenly next to hers and she could see his single red eye in her peripheral vision. But she still did not register what exactly was happening until he said in a low, husky voice, "Not a chance, Sakura."

* * *

_A/N: Thanks for reading! The next chapter will be up soon, but it'll probably be quite short. It's called Alive. Feel free to review!  
_


	10. Alive

_"What else matters? You're alive! And that means... you're the king!"_

-Nala

* * *

Kakashi thought seeing Sakura again after so many years, especially when so many people had jumped to the conclusion that she'd died, would be a breath of fresh air. But standing behind her now, being scoured by her hard, calculating gaze, was anything but. She was not the Sakura he knew in Konoha, and he could tell as much before she even opened her mouth. Her eyes were colder than they'd ever been, but perhaps that was only because she was upset with him. Her hair was no longer the familiar shade of pink that he'd come to love, but rather a strange brown that he didn't think looked very good on her, but perhaps that was due to familiarity with the old color. Furthermore, she hadn't been able to break free of his grasp, which was what concerned Kakashi the most.

She'd lost her fight.

Sure, her eyes were full of a fire the likes of which Kakashi had never known, at least not in association with his sweet, young Sakura. But unlike Naruto's passionate fire, or the determined fire Sakura had once boasted, the flames of _this_ fire were fanned by pure unadulterated hatred.

And a bitter hatred it was. Knowing now that the man who grasped her arm had no plans to assault or harm her did not relieve her. In fact, she might have preferred a criminal to Kakashi at this point. There was no justification in the flare of anger that tore through her when she heard his voice, not only toward him, but toward herself as well. She had to tear her eyes away from him. Three long years ago, she thought she might have left him behind for good. It was hard, almost impossible even, to believe that he was here now.

She craned her neck to look over her shoulder again and felt another hot flash of fury course through her blood when she met his eye, this time directed only toward herself. Because as much as she'd wanted to be over him, done with him, she wasn't. There he was, standing there, looking at her with a gaze that read so many things at once - disappointment, relief, anger, and shock among other things - and she couldn't breathe. To think that if she hadn't dropped her guard for one split second, if she'd just stayed on her toes, she would have known there'd been a man waiting to drag her into the alley.

She was mad at herself because she wanted to hate him. God, did she want to hate him. But behind his eyes were words he wouldn't speak, and even though she wanted to despise him for refusing to say them aloud, she couldn't help but believe they were true. "_See, I didn't give up on you_." Should it be enough for her to know what he wanted to say without him having to say it?

Or should he say it regardless of whether she knew it already or not?

"Let go," Sakura growled.

"Yeah, right," Kakashi sighed. "As if you're not going to make a run for it the second I do."

"I won't," Sakura replied, perhaps trying to hard too convince him.

"You've been running this long, why should I believe you won't-"

"Oh, give it a rest!" she snarled. "You've already found me, how far could I possibly get before you catch up with me again? You already wasted the past three years, I don't think you're willing to make that mistake another time."

The words stung like no wound could ever sting. They burned like no flame could ever attempt to burn. And not because he was offended by her implying that he hadn't tried, or that he'd actually been doing nothing during those three years they'd been apart. But because she was right. He took every opportunity he'd been offered to head after her, but each search had been cut short just when he'd thought he'd been getting somewhere. Hard as he might have tried, he should have tried _harder_.

And the truth of it shamed him. In fact, she was right on more than one account. It was fact enough that he'd wasted valuable time, but even truer than that was the fact that he wouldn't make the same mistake twice. He wouldn't make the same mistake twice because that wasn't possible. Because knowing now that there was a way to make her stay, if she were to vanish a second time, it would have to be a choice to let her go.

And he would never dare to choose to lose her again.

Gradually, as if unsure of the merit in her words, his fingers began to loosen around her arm. When his fingers were fully uncurled and his hand came down to rest at his side, she waited for a moment, silent and facing away from him. And, to his surprise, when she moved, it was not to run. She turns cautiously to face him, her head tilting up to look directly into his eyes. And when their eyes met, he was hit again with the power of her hatred, the tense sparks of it igniting the air and making the atmosphere hot and heavy around him. Her voice, when she spoke, was low and quietly outraged, shaking with three years worth of pent up rage and misery.

"How did you find me?"

How did he find her? Years of trial and error, following her scent trail only to find that it had been set up for the sole purpose of leading anyone who might go after her in the wrong direction. Months and months of being told it was not time yet, and that he would be called upon as soon as the next search party went out. Years of realizing that several search parties had been sent out without him, because nobody believed he was in the right mental condition to handle such a delicate situation. And he wasn't. Obviously he wasn't if he'd been willing to leave Konoha behind for a cause that might well have been lost.

After a long moment of thought, he settled upon taking the question as it was probably intended. How, in immediate terms, had he found her? Well... Honesty was the best policy.

"You have a very distinctive smell."

Immediately after the words tumbled out of his mouth, he wished he could reach out and grab them right out of the air before she could hear them. He probably could have found a better way to say that. With a gasp, she drew her hand back, presumably to smack him, but he was faster than her and he managed to catch her wrist when her hand was mere centimeters away from his cheek.

"It's not a bad thing!" he told her. "You recognized my voice, didn't you? It's the same concept, only my ears don't work as well as my nose does."

One eyebrow lifted and the corners of her lips quirked up slightly as she prepared to make a scathing, witty remark about his climbing age. But just as the words were about to leave her lips, she bit them back. The atmosphere surrounding them at that moment was anything but friendly. He was so serious, looking at her with watchful eyes and his mouth in a hard line as if he expected her to evaporate into thin air any second. Or run, which was a possibility she was presently considering.

Her expression went solemn and her eyes clouded with grief and fell to stare at the ground. When she'd abandoned Konoha, she hadn't given a thought as to how different things would be if and when she saw her friends again. She hadn't expected her relationship with Kakashi to change so drastically. Yet here she was with him, unable to make the same lighthearted jokes they had once freely indulged in.

He watched her angry facade crack before his very eyes and couldn't help the pang of sympathy he felt toward her. As painful as the past three years had been for him, he had to acknowledge the fact that her time away from Konoha might have been just as bad, if not worse. He wondered if her life on the run had been treating her well or if it had abused her harshly.

Very quietly, he asked, "Would you at least let me talk to you? It's been three years. You can tell me you're not interested in anything I have to say, but I won't believe it for a second."

She brought her eyes back up to meet his and where she expected to find a calculating stare, she found only the pleading gaze of a man who had finally captured something he'd been reaching for for so long only to be plagued with the fear that it might be torn from his grasp again. After a moment of contemplation, she nodded. She couldn't lie to herself and say there hadn't been a small part of her that hoped he would come after her. Now that he was here, she was torn between fear of being hauled back to Konoha or elation over the fact that somebody believed she was someone worth searching for.

She followed silently as he led her to an old wooden bench just outside the restaurant she'd just exited. He sat down and gestured to the spot next to him and she settled herself into it awkwardly. For a long moment, neither of them said anything. Then Sakura asked, in a voice so quiet it was almost as if she hadn't spoken at all, "Why are you even here?"

This question only seemed to frustrate Kakashi. He gave a weary sigh before he answered. "Why do you think?" he asked with a bite in his tone. "I came to find you. It's been _three years_. Tsunade is dead, everyone thinks _you're_ dead. I couldn't continue to sit around and hope you'd return."

She could have sworn she felt her heart stop right then and there, but when her hand flew up to her chest in alarm, she felt it beating away behind her ribs, seemingly trying to pound its way out of her body. "Tsunade is _dead_?"

"You knew it was going to happen soon." He didn't sound sympathetic. At best, he sounded indifferent. And at worst? He almost made it sound as if he blamed her. He still sounded frustrated with her, as if Tsunade's death was entirely her fault.

Well, perhaps it was.

Hearing that her shishou had died, she wasn't sure how she felt. Not crushing sadness, and like Kakashi said, it wasn't exactly a surprise. What struck her as she sat there was how little she felt. Small and guilty, like a child who had just drawn all over the walls in bright purple crayon and was about to be punished for something she _knew_ she shouldn't have done in the first place.

She wondered for the briefest of moments who had replaced Tsunade given the fact Sakura herself hadn't been there, but the answer was immediately obvious. If Tsunade had been considering anyone else when she'd chosen Sakura as her successor, it was almost certainly Naruto, which meant in Sakura's absence, he had probably taken up the position.

"Won't Naruto be upset when he notices you've left?" she asked.

"Most likely," Kakashi confirmed. "I have no doubt that he already knows. It was a risk I was willing to take."

The sudden surge of fury Sakura felt upon hearing these words was perhaps unwarranted, but she couldn't help herself. A risk he was willing to take? It wouldn't have been a risk if he'd acted sooner. Before she could clear her head and come down from the anger, she leaped up out of her seat and glared at him, her eyes blazing, and for a moment, Kakashi thought he saw a flicker of the strength he'd once admired in her.

"A risk you were willing to take for a woman you don't love?" she snapped, suddenly raising her voice. She saw him curl into himself a bit, struck hard by the low blow.

He paused and thought for a moment. Surely her sudden rush of anger had to do with the flood of emotions she'd most likely experienced upon the reveal of Tsunade's passing. How could she seriously blame him for his guarded behavior? Everyone he'd ever loved had disappeared somehow - she knew that - and as hesitant as he was to grow attached to someone else, he was already in too deep with her. He very quietly responded, "It's complicated."

Her tone quieted as well, but it still dripped with resentment as she muttered, "Oh, I'm sure it's just excruciatingly complex."

She sank back down onto the bench while Kakashi's eyes remained glued to her. He surveyed her silently, taking in everything that had changed about her over the past few years. Most noticeably, her hair was no longer pink, but rather auburn and peculiar. Messy, but almost deliberately so. Choppy and unkempt, but still rather silky looking, the way he remembered it. He longed to reach out and brush his fingers through it the way he used to when she would come to him in the silence of the night and curl up next to him in bed, but he didn't dare. He was already pushing his luck by sitting so closely to her.

Her eyes were colder and angrier these days, more reserved than they'd ever been as far as he remembered. Wasn't he the one who kept his emotions bottled up? Hadn't she always been the type to allow her eyes to be open doors into her soul, or some other romantic garbage to that effect? To further disguise not only her appearance but her emotions, she'd apparently taken up his habit of wearing a mask at all times, or at least he assumed she hadn't just decided a mask would look good with her ensemble that day.

Speaking of her ensemble, it was rather different from the one she used to wear in Konoha. She still wore the same shade of red on her blouse, but instead of a perfectly modest garment like her old one, her new shirt revealed plenty of smooth, milky skin. She'd abandoned the skirt she used to wear and now wore only a small pair of black shorts. She looked perfectly ravishing and very tempting, but the bitter anger coming off of her in waves was enough for him to know to keep his hands to himself.

His eyes trailed down her bare arms to her hands and he noticed that her nails were ragged and short. A result of biting and picking at them, no doubt. A nervous habit of hers that he usually found endearing, but knowing that as of late the tick had probably been caused by anxious thoughts of him, he couldn't indulge in it. He desperately wanted to reach out and grasp her hand, and in spite of his better judgement, his own hand acted of its own accord to do just that. His fingers had barely grazed the back of her hand when she snapped it away and crossed her arms over her chest, turning away from him indignantly.

However much her appearance had changed, one thing remained as true as it ever was. She was beautiful. Stunning, even, but that had never been what had drawn Kakashi to her. Sure, she was pretty, but it was about more than that. The two of them connected. Anything he threw at her, she could throw right back twice as hard. He'd figured out what was going on in that unpredictable head of hers in under five minutes. But as long as they'd known each other, and as close as they'd once been, something told him that her heart would take an eternity.

* * *

_A/N: I apologize for the short chapter, and the next few chapters which will probably shorter than usual as well. I have all of the chapters planned out in advance and some of them just aren't as meaty as others. Next chapter will be up in 3-4 weeks and will be called Introduction. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed!  
_


	11. Introduction

_"Let me get this straight. You know her. She knows you. But she wants to eat him. And everybody's okay with this? Did I miss something?"_

- Timon

* * *

Hearts were fragile. In fact, hearts were among the world's most delicate wonders, and probably the most protected. Human beings guarded their hearts vigorously and gave them away rarely. That was why it meant so much every time someone did put their heart into the hands of another. And although all hearts were fragile, there were some that were more fragile than others. Purer, somehow. Like crystal in a mirrored room, surrounded by nothing but the less lovely glass. And even the way they shattered was beautiful.

Kakashi knew that was what he'd done to Sakura. Broken her heart, however unintentionally. She didn't express it through sadness like many girls her age probably would, but rather through anger, not that the way she showed it really mattered. All that concerned Kakashi was that she was going through a tumultuous time in her life that she shouldn't have to go through, and it was all his fault.

How badly he wanted to reach out to her, touch her softly on the shoulder and try to help her realize that wherever she was - Tonzura or Konoha - everything was going to be alright and everything would work out for her in the end. But he knew that if he even dared, he might return home with fewer body parts than he'd had upon leaving.

Instead, he just watched her fume for several minutes, until her tense, angry posture slumped into that of a girl who had been abused one too many times. Her shoulders turned in and her chin tilted down and he could hear quiet, indignant sniffs from her nose accompanied by the salty stench of tears, but he couldn't say whether she was crying from anger or sadness. Or defeat.

As desperately as he might try, there was no undoing the damage he had done. At least not for a long time. Which meant perhaps his long trek out to the middle of nowhere to find her was in vain. Even if she agreed to return to Konoha and take up her responsibilities of Hokage, Kakashi could not honestly say that was what his goal had been.

When it all boiled down, all he'd wanted was to have her back, and he doubted if that would ever happen now that it was clear to him how badly he'd hurt her.

He sighed. "Come on," he said quietly as he stood from the bench. "It's getting late. You must be tired. Where are you staying?"

"I'm fine here," she muttered defiantly.

"No, you're not. It's getting chilly and... Well..." His eyes guiltily trailed over her body and he had to quickly avert his gaze before he could be caught. "You're not exactly dressed for the weather."

She shot him a look that could freeze water, which he pointedly ignored by looking anywhere but at her face. "I don't complain about poor weather conditions, _sensei_," she snapped. "You taught me better than that, though I can't say I learned much else from you."

He rolled his eyes, knowing her words were the product of spite and were in no way true. "Either way, you look exhausted. Wouldn't you like to get some sleep?"

She closed her eyes and wondered. Just an hour ago, she'd been bursting with energy, laughing and making light conversation with her only friend in this town. But all that energy had been sucked right out of her upon seeing Kakashi's face, and loathe as she was to acknowledge that he was right, she probably looked like hell and could certainly do with more than just a little sleep.

Still, she would not give into him so easily. She straightened her posture and waiting until he was looking her dead in the eye to tell him, "I still haven't gotten my wallet. I think I left it inside the restaurant."

His only response was to shrug noncommittally. "Then go get it. I can wait."

With a huff, she hoisted herself out of her seat and stood facing Kakashi. Determined to not only make a nuisance of herself upon him, but to stall time (because as much as she was dreading an awkward walk to the inn with him closely watching her, she was almost certain that the forthcoming conversation with Emiko about just who he was and why he was here would be about a million times worse), she made a point of dusting any excess dirt or dust off of her clothing.

Before she was done, there came a quiet tapping far behind her, but not quiet enough for her to miss. She straightened immediately and listened more intently as the tapping grew louder and louder until it turned into the slapping sound of footsteps on hard pavement. Her guard flew up instantly, and she simultaneously reached for a few shuriken and spun around to face the approaching threat.

Only to discover there was no threat at all. It was only Emiko, dashing towards her looking thoroughly concerned. And who could blame her? Sakura had promised to head back to the inn immediately after fetching her wallet, which would have taken no more than a few seconds if she hadn't gotten sufficiently sidetracked by a certain unwelcome visitor. Emiko had probably jumped to the conclusion that a filthy man was trying to take her away, which wasn't too far off the mark, actually.

Sakura replaced her shuriken into the pouch secured around her right thigh and relaxed, but Kakashi didn't seem so keen to. Just as Sakura was opening her mouth to call Emiko's name, a kunai went whizzing past her ear, slicing off a few locks of auburn hair that had gotten in its way. The weapon hurtled toward Emiko and panic beat out protective instinct. Where she would have liked to launch herself forward and snatch the knife out of the air before it could meet its mark, Sakura's unfortunate automatic reaction was to let out a quiet squeak of terror and cover her mouth in shock.

Emiko, as it turned out, was not as slow as she should have been for a civilian. The kunai was headed straight for her throat, and even her well-timed dodge couldn't have saved her completely. She managed to avoid sustaining any fatal injuries to the neck, but Kakashi had landed a pretty deep cut on her cheek with his stupid weapon.

Emiko stopped running at that point and instead stood where she was and brought one hand up to her injured cheek. She swiped her fingers through the blood that was quickly welling out of the wound and stared in bewilderment at her bloodied hand before making quick work of healing the cut. Too rational and calm for her own good, she only whispered, "What the hell?"

Sakura clicked her tongue in annoyance and spun back around to face Kakashi. "I was about to ask the same," she said. "_What the hell_?"

Kakashi gave another infuriating shrug and didn't seem at all apologetic when he responded, "Hey, she was coming toward you at full speed, what would you have expected me to do? Don't pretend like you didn't reach for a couple weapons of your own."

Startled, Emiko glanced up at that, and Sakura noticed that there was absolutely no scarring on her cheek - pretty incredible for a civilian who'd gotten her training from a rogue. "You did what?" she asked.

"Automatic reaction," Sakura explained easily, her eyes not leaving Kakashi's. "I heard running footsteps, I fell into defense mode. However, once I realized there was absolutely no threat-" She looked daggers at Kakashi then. "-I put my weapons away."

"So we've established that you sense no threat here." He pulled out another kunai and twirled it in his fingers, almost teasingly. He _had_ to be joking. "I can't say the same for myself. Strange place, strange people. I don't trust anyone here."

He raised as arm as if to throw the weapon and Sakura let out a loud, frustrated cry. In a move powered by sheer annoyance, she grabbed his wrist and tossed him into a nearby wall, watching with a sick sense of satisfaction as tiny fragments of brick crumbled over his head. "Would you get ahold of yourself?" she barked madly. "Listen, you trust me, don't you?" Kakashi avoided her eyes, effectively informing her that no, he did not exactly trust her, especially not when she was throwing him into brick walls. Nevertheless, she continued, "I _know_ this girl, and she is perfectly harmless. Her name is Emiko."

She turned to face he friend then and said, "Emiko, this is my... This is Kakashi."

Sakura looked back to Kakashi, who looked back at her. Behind his visible eye, she could almost read his exact thoughts. What was she going to say? This is my teammate? My friend? My _lover_? All of them were true, or at least were true at one point. Had he fucked up so badly that she no longer even considered him worthy of any of the titles she might have easily used for him back in Konoha, before any of this mess has started?

Meanwhile, while they shared this train of thought via eye contact, Emiko only stared, confused, at the two of them. Who was this man, and how did Sakura already know him? There was only one legitimate explanation she could think of - he must come from the same place Sakura did, and if the Konoha insignia on the headband covering his eye was any indication, that was her hometown. And if Emiko was to assume anything by the way they behaved around each other, she would have to say they were more than just mere acquaintances.

The way she interpreted those longing glances Sakura kept trying to hide, Emiko would guess that this man - this Kakashi guy - was the same man Sakura had been thinking about earlier. But whatever feelings she may have for him did not excuse his actions.

"Wait," Emiko started slowly. "So... He just tried to kill me, and everybody's _okay_ with this?"

Sakura scoffed and immediately tore her wistful eyes away from Kakashi's face. "He is an enigma who lacks all traces of human emotion," she explained quite calmly. "I have to forgive him, even though he wouldn't know an apology if it bit him in the stupid, pompous butt."

Kakashi, who had been dusting himself off after lifting himself from the ground, had the audacity to look hurt. "I don't have a stupid, pompous butt," he muttered. "I don't have a stupid, pompous anything."

Emiko gave him an incredulous glare that he matched half-heartedly for about half a second before she rolled her eyes at him and extended her arm toward Sakura. "Whatever. Sakura, where have you been? I've been waiting for you for over an hour!" Her hand touched the new bruise that had formed on Sakura's arm where Kakashi had grabbed her roughly and the kunoichi flinched.

"Stupid and pompous here tried to kidnap me," she said, brushing her hand over the mark for emphasis.

"Hmm. Shouldn't we kill him, then?" Emiko asked playfully.

Remembering their conversation from earlier that day, Sakura gave a light chuckle. "That's very tempting, actually."

Kakashi took a careful step back, feeling a bit nervous despite himself. With the right kind of motivation, Sakura could damn well kill him if she was so inclined, especially when he was in this sort of condition. Tired after days of traveling, sore from being thrown into a brick wall... He was not exactly in good shape, and he doubted if he would be able to fight her off. "No, no," he said hastily. "Sakura is twisting the story to turn you against me." With a sideways glance at the girl in question, he added, "She likes to do that sometimes."

Sakura retorted with a glaringly sarcastic, "Oh, you know me _so well_, sensei."

An awkward pause ensued in which the only sound that could be heard was the shuffling of Emiko's anxious feet and perhaps the crackling sound of tension in the air. It felt like the wrong thing to say, but it felt rude not to ask, despite how much Sakura may hate this man, and someone had to say _something_, so to break the painfully awkward silence, Emiko asked, "If we're not going to kill him, does that mean he'll be staying with us?"

"Ah, yes, thank you-"

"No!" Sakura snapped, smacking Kakashi with the back of her hand. "Find your own inn!"

"I'm not about to turn down her very generous offer."

"Who said I was offering?" Emiko piped up, looking confused.

"See? You're not welcome," Sakura said smugly.

"Well, I never said that, either."

"Whose side are you on, Emiko?"

"Some people don't pick sides," Kakashi reminded Sakura gently, but victoriously. "Emiko, may I please stay with you?"

Sakura placed her hands angrily on her hips and glared at him. "You're not even going to ask me how I feel about this?"

He returned her glare with an annoyed roll of his eyes. "I already know how you feel about it. You've made it quite clear, and I have the bruise on my spine to remind me."

"You don't know a thing about how I feel!" Sakura shouted, her hands balling into tight fists.

Emiko quickly put herself between them before a fight could break out and turned to Sakura. "It is _my_ room," she told her. Then she turned to Kakashi and asked, "Tell me, if I let you stay with us, are you going to assault me with another kunai?"

Kakashi shrugged. "Not unless I feel my life is in danger." Which it wouldn't be, judging by how slowly Emiko had dodged his first attack, he thought to himself. Sakura, on the other hand... He wouldn't put it past her to try and kill him in his sleep, maybe smother him with his own pillow. Perhaps he shouldn't stay with them, but with little cash, what choice did he have?

"Then I suppose you can stay with us," Emiko said. "You do look a little worse for wear and you could do with some healing on your back, I'm sure."

"There's no room!" Sakura tried desperately. "We only have two beds."

"But there's a single and a double." Sakura was too busy glaring at Kakashi to catch what Emiko was insinuating, and the dark-haired girl wasn't about to give her time to catch on. "Dibs on the single!" she exclaimed before running off in the direction of the inn.

"Hey, wait, that's not fair!" Sakura cried, and just like that, she was off and running, and just when he thought he'd never had to look for her again, Kakashi had to find his way to the inn by following her scent.

* * *

This sleeping arrangement was already a catastrophe in the making. Kakashi had politely obliged to sharing a bed with Sakura. Neither of them had any right to tell Emiko otherwise - she was, after all, paying for the room. But even if Sakura could hold her tongue long enough to keep from lashing out unprovoked at her appointed roommate, which was highly unlikely on its own, she would surely take his constant staring at her fine physique as reason enough to give him a good knock over the head. Or worse.

But how was he to help himself? He'd always denied being the pervert that everyone assumed he was just because he enjoyed a nice erotic novel here and there, but there was no denying it now. He was ogling her, and he wasn't the least bit ashamed of it. If anything, it was her own fault for not being more modest. He silently watched her as she dressed for bed, carefully averting his eyes every time she looked over her shoulder at him. When she wasn't paying attention, he ran his eyes over the smooth stretch of her legs, the soft curve of her rear, and the gentle arch of of her back as she threw off her red top and replaced it with a flimsy white tank.

Her slow, tired movements enticed him. She had to know how she affected him with every twitch of her finger, every twist of her spine as she stretched to shake off the weariness of a long day. There was no way she could be so ignorant to the things she did to him, or was she really so oblivious? Could she possibly be so unintentionally seductive, luring him in without even realizing it? He found that hard to believe, but then she always found a way to surprise him, didn't she?

One thing that didn't surprise him about her was the fact that she'd obviously been keeping up with her fitness since she'd gone away. She never did like to be out of shape, and he liked that healthy trait about her. Despite the fact that she no longer seemed to consider herself a shinobi, she still had the body of a well-trained kunoichi. And it was hard for him to keep his eyes off her. So hard in fact that he couldn't be bothered to really try.

Despite his weak attempts to be discreet whenever she glared at him, she could still feel his eyes on her, watching every move she made with an unwavering gaze. A long time ago, this might have been a good thing. Sexy, even. She probably would have encouraged his eyes to wander. But now it felt all wrong. Like she was a piece of prey being eyed up by a predator.

Because that's what he was now. All he wanted from her now was to bring her back to Konoha and keep her under lock and key in the Hokage's office. If he had his way, she'd be caged for the rest of her life, never once out of his sight. But if that was the case - if she was the victim and he was the villain - then she had quite the awful case of Stockholm syndrome. Because as much as she wanted to hate him, and as badly as she wanted to smack him for staring at her right now, she had to concede that as miserable as the past three years had been for her, they'd probably been equally as miserable for him.

Maybe she was too nice. Maybe she couldn't deny that there was still a small part of her that enjoyed the attention, that relished the thought of him gazing at her with lust. However, in spite of the fact that she had every right to tell him to mind his eyes, she wouldn't feel very good about herself if she didn't at least allow him a brief respite after what had been a rough, exhausting day for all involved.

She sighed, a pained sound that drained what little energy she had left in her. Her fire had left her for the day, but it would rekindle by the next morning. Without another care as to whether he was watching her or not, she slipped off her tight black shorts and replaced them with a softer, longer pair that more resembled a pair of boxers than anything else. This is not what she would have worn to bed ordinarily. Even at night, it got a little warm, and she would have preferred to sleep in nothing at all, but with Kakashi already taking up half the bed, that didn't feel like an appropriate option.

If she'd had any energy left, she might have seen about getting some spare blankets and pillows and just made a nest for herself on the ground as opposed to sharing a bed with Kakashi, but as it was, she was too exhausted. She didn't have the patience to go looking for one of the cleaning crew and she probably would collapse under the weight of the sheets she'd have to carry back to the room at this point. At the end of a long day, all she wanted to do was curl up on a relatively comfortable mattress and pass out for a solid ten hours, even if it meant curling up beside someone she'd rather not sleep next to.

She reached her arms up and stood on the tips of her toes, arching her back in one long, satisfying stretch, before turning around and shuffling toward the occupied bed. It was easy to catch Kakashi quickly averting his gaze, but she didn't chide him. She didn't have the energy. She only rolled her eyes and grumbled, "I know you've been staring at me."

She slid into the bed and he immediately shifted away from her and rolled over onto his other side so that they were facing opposite directions. "I'm sorry," he mumbled, not bothering to try to sound like he meant it.

"Whatever," she whispered as she settled her head onto one white, crinkly pillow. "I can't stop you from looking, but if you touch me at all tonight-"

"I won't-"

"-you'll wake up with no hands in the morning."

He swallowed the lump that rose in his throat. He had no doubt in his mind that she would stay true to her word. Honestly, he had no intentions of trying anything on her. He was not that type of guy. Obviously she was upset with him and making a pass at her would get him nowhere. But tonight would be a restless night, and he didn't know if he trusted himself not to toss and turn. Heaven forbid one of his hands accidentally brush her backside should he shift in bed.

"Any other rules?" he asked, his voice low and tired.

She bit her lip. There were so many things she could say now, just to spite him. Rule number two, he has to sleep on the floor. Rule number three, he must stay out of her sight at all times while she's awake. But he was already here, and if she knew him at all, she knew that he wasn't going anywhere. Not for awhile at least. More rules would only complicate their relationship, or what was left of it anyway, further. "Just... don't wake me up before-" she started.

"Ten. I know." He moved farther away from her, just to be safe. "I remember." He paused, then said in a cautious voice, "Goodnight, Sakura."

It was a long while before she returned it, and when she did, her voice was barely a whisper. While Sakura continued to fume over his proximity, her last registered thought process before her body gave into the exhaustion of a long day was focused on the familiar and almost soothing feel of sharing a bed with him once more. She fell asleep almost instantly.

Kakashi could feel her breathing even out into an easy, calming rhythm, her heart slowing to a relaxed rate. He could hear the crinkling of the stiff sheets with each rise and fall of her chest. How strange it was to hear these things, and these things only, when a night in bed with her had once included long, murmured conversations about the future or often times even more tantalizing sounds. The low purr in the back of her throat when he sucked on that spot beneath her ear, the badly restrained groans when he left a trail of hot kisses down her stomach, and her high pitched moans when he finally brought his mouth to her-

He inhaled sharply and clenched his eyes shut, stopping himself before his thoughts could wander further in the wrong direction. Already he could feel a warm, tingly stirring in his loins that he wouldn't be able to ignore if he allowed himself to continue on that same train of thought. Indeed, this was going to be a long, difficult night. But it could be worse. At least he was resting in an actual bed. How long had he been sleeping on the ground, in trees, or on cold, rocky terrain? So in some aspects, sharing this bed was a relief, and in others, it was quite the opposite.

This was quite possibly the first time Kakashi had ever been in bed with a strikingly beautiful, half naked woman without the promise of sex or some other naughty act. It was also the first time he'd ever shared a bed with someone who probably wanted nothing more than to forcibly remove his head from his shoulders and make sure it was never found. A weaker man might find such a sleeping arrangement uncomfortable. But as far as Kakashi's aching back was concerned, he had never slept in a better bed.

* * *

_A/N: So this one is significantly longer than the last, but I'm still not entirely happy with the length. Don't worry, I'm working on it. The next chapter, called Her Majesty, will be up in about a month. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed!  
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	12. Her Majesty

_"Let me get this straight. You're the king... and you never told us?"_

- Timon

* * *

During the first few moments of consciousness, there is a still serenity to the air in which everything from previous days is forgotten. A sort of tranquil quality in the first seconds of waking that dispels all memories of hard times, trials and tribulations. In this brief moment, there is no self-awareness, and so no bad thoughts towards anyone who once might have been hated. Sakura took advantage of this moment by gazing at Kakashi in his sleep as she used to do before it all went to hell.

She'd been watching him for at least fifteen minutes now. The even rise and fall of his chest, the flutter of his eyelids as he dreamed. She was absolutely mesmerized by the heat his body gave off and the way his lips were slightly parted. She had already memorized the soft curves and sharp angles of his body many years ago, but even now, she couldn't take her eyes off him. Yesterday night, all she'd wanted was for him to leave her alone, and now she was afraid that if she looked away from him for just one second, he'd vanish.

This arrangement was going to be tough. Sharing a room with him, hating him when she went to bed and loving him when she woke up. There were so many conflicting emotions in her right now, she didn't know which ones to address first. Did she kiss him on the forehead, snuggle closer to him, and enjoy the happiness while it lasted? No, that didn't seem appropriate. Should she kick his ass awake, tell him to put something decent on, and smack him across the face for accidentally brushing her bottom with his hand last night? Well, that wasn't entirely fair, either.

One thing was for sure: they both needed to get up soon. If Sakura had woken up of her own will, it was probably well past ten in the morning. A quick glance at the clock told her it was nearly noon. She'd never known Kakashi to be a particularly early riser, but then again, he never used to sleep later than she did. And if she let this go on, his sleep schedule would be out of whack. Soon enough, he'd be so off that he'd be nocturnal - awake when nobody else was, and he'd probably just sit on the edge of the bed and watch Sakura sleep in the same creepy way he used to do it when she still lived in Konoha.

The same creepy way Sakura was doing it now.

She shook herself and gathered her wits. Now was not the time for mushy, romantic feelings. She'd made a decision, and she was going to stick to it, and falling back in love with him (even though she'd never really fallen out of love with him) was only going to make it harder and harder to stay away. She cleared the sleepiness from her voice with a quick, throaty cough, and said, "Hey, do you-"

"Shh."

She flushed bright red. How long had he been awake? Did he know she'd been watching him? Her embarrassment flared into anger for a brief moment. He should have said something! Through her unwarranted fury and immense embarrassment, all she could say was, "Um."

"I'm just gonna stay asleep," he mumbled, his voice low and husky the way it always was when he was exhausted. "Okay? I'm gonna keep my eyes closed, I mean."

"Why?" she asked. "It's getting late-"

He made a rumbly noise in the back of his throat and threw his arms up in a stretch, nearly hitting her in the face. By the time she'd ducked out of his way, his hands were already behind his head and he was inhaling deeply. She could see even more clearly now the ripple of his muscles every time he breathed in and out - when had he taken off his shirt? Some time last night? - and she had to avert her eyes.

"You know why? Because this is that tiny moment in the morning when you first wake up and you're still half asleep and everything seems..." He seemed to reconsider his words for a moment, then he continued, "Things are possible, dreams feel real, and for that one moment, everything is just... good. But when you open your eyes, the sun hits you and you realize..."

He stalled. What would he realize? That everything they'd had back in Konoha was gone now and probably wouldn't be coming back, at least not for a very long time? That the woman he was too scared to admit he loved wanted nothing to do with him?

This was the problem with dealing with someone who was actually a patient person, a good listener. Sakura only waited for what he had to say next. She didn't jump in on his sentences, saving him from having to finish them, or talk over him, allowing whatever he might manage to get out to be lost or altered in transit. Instead, she waited, so he had to say _something_.

That wasn't to say he couldn't change the subject.

"Well, I'm just going to keep my eyes closed, okay? I'm tired," he finished finally.

For being half asleep, he was impossibly articulate, but Sakura guessed that was the result of having to be alert and aware at all times, no matter how tired he might be. She knew they were going to get nothing done - not that there was much to do - if she let him lay around in bed all day, but at the moment, she didn't have the heart to force him out of bed. She couldn't bear to make him move. He was too appealing the way he was. Perfectly content and happy, despite the many things he had to be unhappy about.

She sighed. She still had a soft spot for him. She didn't want to have a soft spot for him! But it couldn't be helped. Beneath all of her thoughts and worries, beneath the complication of conflicting identities and needs, maybe it was as simple as loving the way another person looked when they were sleeping.

But she could watch him from elsewhere. While her day wasn't going to be particularly busy, there were a few things she wanted to get done before sunset and the more time she wasted laying in bed, the later she would have to stay up. Begrudgingly, she dragged herself out of bed and shuffled over to the clothes she'd shed last night. She glanced warily once in Kakashi's direction to make sure he was actually keeping his eyes closed, then as quickly as she could, she slipped off her loose shorts and replaced them with the tight black pair she usually wore during the daytime.

There was a slight chill to the air this afternoong, which was quite unusual for Tonzura. Surely it would be gone by three, which tended to be the hottest time of day in this region, but Sakura didn't want to take any chances. She quietly tip-toed into Emiko's room so as not to disturb the sleeping Kakashi.

"Morning," Emiko murmured, her voice bright but hushed. "Or good afternoon, I suppose."

"Hey. Yeah," Sakura chuckled. "I was tired."

Emiko shrugged. "You have a right to be."

There was something strange in her tone, like she was keeping something under wraps, which puzzled Sakura. Emiko was one of the most honest girls she knew. She didn't have many secrets to keep, and even when there was something she wanted to keep quiet, she always shared the burden with Sakura. But Sakura ignored it. If it was in fact a secret that Emiko was for once deciding to keep to herself, Sakura was in no place to judge. She had plenty of things to hide as well.

Instead of dwelling upon it, she went to Emiko's wardrobe and slid open the top drawer, rifling through it for a couple of minutes until deciding that there weren't any sweaters there. She was about to go to the next when when she heard Emiko suggest, "Try the bottom drawer."

Obligingly, Sakura got down on her knees and opened the bottom drawer, and sure enough, there was a mint green sweater made of a soft, thin fabric right on top. She withdrew it and slipped it on and instantly felt warmer, but not uncomfortably hot. It was a little small on her - the two girls were roughly the same in size, but Sakura had a bit more muscle mass. But it was soft and it would keep her comfortable until the weather turned warmer.

"Thanks," she said, then retreated back to the doorway between their rooms and stood there, gazing at the sleepy figure on the bed for a long moment. She never would have guessed it was possible to become even more infatuated with him, but then again, she was sure she would be right back to hating him again at the end of the day. Right back to square one. Or was it square one? How had it even started? Had she loved or hated him first? Despising him had become so second nature to her, she had nearly forgotten there was a first nature to begin with.

She would have been content to stay there all day if there wasn't a voice nagging at her in the back of her mind the get a move on with the errand. She had to go pick up some breakfast and drop by the tiny supermarket to pick up some groceries so they would no longer have to rely on eating out. Having an extra person just made it that much more expensive.

She sighed and stretched one more time, then made her way to the door that would take her to the exit hallway. With her hand on the doorknob, she felt one last pull toward the bedroom she now shared with Kakashi, but ignoring it, she turned the knob and took one step through.

And then Emiko stopped her. With a bizarre, out of the blue question that did more than confuse Sakura. It scared her.

"Have you ever dyed your hair before?"

One of Sakura's hands came up to the auburn tips of her hair. She played with them silently for half a second before answering nonchalantly, "No, can't say I have." It was only a half lie. Colored her hair, maybe, but dyed it? No, strictly speaking, she hadn't dyed it. There was no hair dye involved.

"Oh," Emiko said, sounding awkward. "I was just wondering because... Well, come here."

Sakura came up behind Emiko and looked down at the newspaper article she was indicating with her finger. She felt her heart drop down into her stomach. In bold black letters, it read "NEXT-IN-LINE HOKAGE MISSING". Underneath the headline was a color picture of _her_. Or what once had been her. The girl in the picture was a little bit shorter, with hair that was significantly pinker than the color Sakura had now.

"This article is from about three years ago, so it's probably completely irrelevant now, because Konoha has a new Hokage anyway-" Sakura felt a pang of desire to be with Naruto. "-but I just thought it was kind of weird how she looks so much like you. And if Kakashi comes from the same place as you, then that makes you a Konoha citizen, and that's even stranger, huh?"

Sakura let out a nervous laugh and scratched her head. "No," she lied. "I'm not a Konoha citizen."

"Yes you are."

She whirled around to face Kakashi who was still wearing only his baggy, navy blue pants. His hair was mussed and bits and pieces were hanging in his face, and he looked tired as he slumped against the doorway between the two bedrooms. And there it was - the hatred she'd been waiting for had returned. He was looking at her matter-of-factly, like he had every right to blow her cover, which he absolutely _did not_.

She was about to burst into an elaborate lie to cover herself when Kakashi sauntered in their direction and peeked over Emiko's shoulder at the newspaper article. He gave a quiet hum of acknowledgement before affirming, "Yup. That's definitely Sakura."

"You... You're the _Hokage_?" Emiko asked, flabbergasted.

"You mean she never told you?" Kakashi scoffed and glared spitefully at Sakura. "And here I thought you two were such good friends. Isn't that what you said, Sakura?"

But neither of the girls were listening to him. Their eyes were fixed on each other, Emiko's filled with pure admiration and pride, and Sakura's full of confusion. Never mind the fact that Emiko was _never_ supposed to find out about Sakura having been named Hokage, but Sakura had planned for any circumstances in which she might find out, and this had not been one of the scenarios she'd envisioned. Emiko was gazing at her like she worshipped her, like any minute now she would throw herself down and start kissing Sakura's feet.

She took a couple steps back just in case.

"Look, I didn't want you to find out like this." She paused, then muttered, "I'm not _actually_ the Hokage. I was supposed to be, but everything is different now. Kakashi says they replaced me."

Emiko looked back at the paper. "Missing?" she whispered to herself. "But you're not missing, Sakura, you're right here." She looked back up at Sakura and tilted her head, bewildered. "If they think you're missing, but you know exactly where you are, then..."

Sakura watched as the gears turned in Emiko's head. She was putting it together piece by piece and surely in a few short moments, she would hate Sakura almost as much as she hated herself. Hated herself for being a coward, a fool, and an awful shinobi.

But when Emiko spoke again, it was not to chide her or reprimand her for her stupidity. She only asked, "Why did you leave?"

With every passing day, it was getting harder and harder to answer that question. She asked herself almost every night before bed, and each night, she tried to convince herself that it was for the best. That Konoha was faring much better under Naruto's control than it ever would if Sakura was leading. But every evening brought more unsureness, more insecurity. If she wasn't there, how could she know that everything was just fine and dandy?

The truth was that she didn't, and she never would know for sure. She would just have to trust her hope that it was.

"It's hard to explain, and it's a long story," Sakura sighed. "But what it all boils down to is that... Being Hokage was never meant for me. I wouldn't make a good leader-"

"Sure you would," Kakashi interrupted. "You'd be a better leader than we have now, anyway."

Sakura fumed. She glared at him. Why didn't he trust Naruto, and why was he so against the idea of Naruto fulfilling his dreams as Hokage? So against it in fact that he'd gone on a desperate, futile search for Sakura, just to _try_ and get her to come back and kick Naruto out of the throne he'd always wanted to sit in. She snapped, "Konoha only just lost their last Hokage, they don't need me to go and ruin their lives even more!"

"Lost their last Hokage?" Kakashi laughed bitterly. "You think that's the hardest part about being a Konoha citizen these days? You have no idea how hard it's been there."

Sakura took one menacing step towards Kakashi and screamed, "Did you think it's been easy for me out here?" Out of the corner of her eye, she thought she saw Emiko cringe a bit at her volume and made an effort to lower her voice when she continued, "You only seem to care about _what_ I did to Tsunade, _what_ I did to Konoha, _what_ I did to _you_. You never even bothered to think about _why_ I did it, did you?"

His eyes said it all. He had thought about it. Hundreds of time. And he'd never found an answer that satisfied him. She thought she would be a bad leader, so what? That was no reason to abandon your home in their time of need. She'd _known_ Tsunade's years were numbered, and yet she'd still left the poor blonde completely alone.

"Then tell us the truth," Kakashi murmured. "Tell us why you really left, and I'll stop bothering you about it."

"No you won't."

"No, I won't, but I'll try," he promised. "I'll make a real effort. I can't guarantee that I'll never try to convince you to come back, but I will honestly try not to question your intentions."

Sakura's eyes were brimming with furious tears and at that moment, all she wanted to do was curl up in a corner, scream until her voice when hoarse, and cry until she couldn't cry any more. And she absolutely despised herself for having such awful control over her emotions. Everything she was feeling played out clearly on her face, and she knew Kakashi was reading her like an open book.

"Was it because of what happened the night you left?" he asked, his voice barely a whisper. He was being vague on purpose. Purposely keeping Emiko in the dark, not that it mattered anymore. She already knew too much about Sakura, they might as well fill her in on the rest. "Was it my fault?"

Sakura sniffed and waited until she was sure that her voice wouldn't crack before answering, "It may have just been a moment for you, but it changed every single one that followed for me."

Judging by the way Kakashi shut his eyes calmly, that had been the answer he'd been searching for. And he'd probably known it all along, too. Yes, Sakura's disappearance had been partially his fault, and neither of them were in any place to deny it. But he was not the only one to blame. Her own insecurities an shortcomings were also at fault.

"I don't make your decisions for you, Sakura, you make them yourself," he said. "Nothing I said or didn't say would have had an effect on you if you'd already made up your mind. You can't blame me for what you chose to do."

"Well, you damn well influence me enough, don't you," she muttered solemnly.

Again, she found herself wondering how, as such an independent female, she let this man consume her. She didn't understand it. She was obsessed with him, striking up the realization that she was, in fact, the best choice for him - she never stopped to think if _he_ was the best choice for _her_. If she had, she might have realized through all his bad news and all the times he would keep so many walls up around himself that she could do better. She couldn't get that through her head. People thrive on dramatic instances, and that's just what she was doing - creating something out of nothing for the sake of a good soap opera.

Emiko and Kakashi watched her sink forlornly onto the bed and press the heels of her hands against her eyelids. It stung Emiko to see her friends like this. Although she had not known Sakura for very long considering that Kakashi had known her for a solid thirteen years, she was still her closest friend and it any pain Sakura felt was shared by Emiko.

But even though she hated seeing her friend in pain, Kakashi's was in a far worse state of distress. Because not only did he have to witness Sakura's suffering, but he was plagued by the knowledge that she wouldn't be suffering if it weren't for him. If he hadn't royally screwed everything up. If he'd never been _born_. It was all his fault and that was why he felt her misery quite acutely. And he would do anything to end their mutual suffering, but at this point, he wasn't entirely sure there was anything he _could_ do.

"You know how people are prone to making mistakes when they're tired?" he asked her quietly.

"Unfortunately, yes," she muttered, still covering her eyes.

"Yeah. So do I." He sat down beside her, close enough for their knees to touch, and said, "I made a serious mistake a long time ago, and you got hurt by it. And I'm sorry for that."

She moved her hands away from her face and turned her head to look at him, her eyes all red and glassy. She stared at him in silence for a short moment, then slowly shook her head. "It wasn't a mistake," she told him frankly. "It was a choice and it became a choice the second you decided not to fix it."

She got up and walked away from him, back to their own part of the inn, and Kakashi's hand automatically lifted to reach out for her, but he forced it back down. How was he supposed to fix his mistakes when she was so adamant about not letting him? He didn't _choose_ to have her angry with him, he didn't _choose_ to make her miserable, and he certainly didn't _choose_ to have her leave Konoha.

He did, however, choose not to tell her he was in love with her, but he was still _mostly_ firm in the belief that almost anything following that incident was her doing. He buried his hands in his hair and shut his eyes. The bed dipped down beside him and then he felt Emiko's hand on his back, warm and comforting, rubbing in small, tentative circles circles.

She let him sit in silence for a few minutes, then asked quietly, "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Talk about what?" he sighed.

"Whatever." She shrugged. "Whatever will make you feel better. Sakura, your trip, your home."

"I don't really want to talk about anything. Talking isn't really going to fix it."

"It make make you feel better," Emiko suggested with a hopeful little smile.

Kakashi couldn't help but return it, not that she could see behind his mask. But the smile quickly fell and he said wearily, "I'm just so tired of this. I want to go back, but I can't leave her."

"Do you want my advice?"

"You're going to give it to me anyway, aren't you?" She nodded cheerily and Kakashi mumbled, "Go ahead, then."

"Just go home," Emiko said gently. "If there's one thing I've learned about Sakura, it's that she's stubborn as hell. She's not going to go back if she doesn't want to. You're wasting your time here."

"But we _need_ her. I was wasting time there, and I don't care how long it takes or whether it works or not, as long as I'm at least trying to get her back, my time is not wasted." Then, as if it might have been the most obvious thing in the world, Kakashi stated matter-of-factly, "Besides, Konoha isn't my home."

Emiko's smile faltered and she shifted away from him. She arched an eyebrow and asked, "So... where is home for you?"

He stood up, the springs in the bed squeaking in relief, and shoved his hands deep into his pocket. "Wherever she is."

At the sound of his voice, Sakura, who had been sitting on the edge of the bed in the other room gazing wistfully out the window, straightened up and turned her head to meet Kakashi's eye through the open door. Her green eyes met his darker gaze and she didn't look away. For a moment, they were caught in this awkward staring glance, and then she did the most amazing thing when she looked away. She smiled.

It was a sad kind of smile. The kind that said, "I'm happy you're here, but I was happy when you were gone." The kind that teased him, saying, "Yes, I'm smiling right now, but I'd be smiling more genuinely if you hadn't savagely broken my heart." The kind of smile that told him all he needed to know. That he had screwed their relationship up beyond repair and that he wasn't wanted anymore.

The kind of smile that reminded him of the sad fact that you could love someone and still be completely wrong for them.

* * *

_A/N: This chapter has been begging me to write it from the very beginning. I've had the whole thing planned out since I first conceived the idea of Pride and I've had that ending nagging at me for months now. So I hope you like it. :) Thank you for reading! Next chapter is called Disappointed and should be up in about a month.  
_


	13. Disappointed

_"What's happened to you? You're not the Simba I remember."  
"You're right, I'm not. Now are you satisfied?"  
"No, just disappointed."_

- Nala & Simba

* * *

There were lots of things Emiko learned about Kakashi and Sakura in the weeks following Kakashi's arrival. For one, she discovered that their bond went far deeper than a usual student-teacher relationship. She figured in the ninja world, it was probably normal for a teacher to have deep concern for their student's safety as the survival of the student reflected the skill of the teacher. She did not, however, think that most teachers cared so much as Kakashi did.

Sakura was not a clumsy girl, and she could handle herself quiet well. In fact, if Emiko hadn't found her in the woods that one day and healed her, Sakura probably would have found a way out of it, despite the fact that she was unconscious and losing a lot of blood - that was just how self-sufficient she was. But for some reason, and this was only something Emiko noticed off-handedly and was probably analyzing it more than it needed to be analyzed, Kakashi made fusses over the most insignificant things, like whether or not Sakura's boot laces were dragging on the floor behind her.

Yes, Kakashi often reminded Sakura to tie her shoes, as if worried she might trip over the laces and hurt herself. Emiko also noticed that when the three of them would walk down the street, Kakashi would steer Sakura around puddles and slippery messes, because heaven forbid she slip and scrape her knee! This sort of attention was paid only to Sakura and Emiko, though significantly less capable, was left to fend for herself. And what was more, Sakura seemed to bend to this behavior naturally without taking much notice of the fact that Kakashi was quite literally tugging her away from rain puddles.

Aside from his over protective nature, the two of them finished each other's sentences. This was less apparent at first, because after three years of knowing each other, Sakura and Emiko had developed a bond where they could finish each other's sentences as well, but it was in a much different way. When Sakura would pause in the middle of a sentence, unsure of what word she was looking for, Emiko could find it for her.

But Kakashi and Sakura tacked endings onto each other's sentences, so sure of the fact that they already knew what the other was going to say that there was no pause necessary. The way they spoke when they did this was so fluent and easy that one might think only one person had said it if their voices were not so different.

But what was most apparent about the two of them was they they fought. Constantly. Sakura had a confrontational nature, that much had been clear in the first few weeks that Emiko had known her. However, Emiko would not describe Kakashi in the same way. He seemed to go along easily with anything she suggested, and even if he disagreed with something Emiko had to say, he would do so reasonably and explain quite calmly why he didn't think the same way.

But put Kakashi and Sakura together alone in their room and nine times out of ten, a shouting match was sure to break out, most of the time in less than twenty minutes. Emiko could only really listen outside the door - they didn't much like to fight in front of her, though they sometimes did - and most of what she heard was indistinctive, angry mumbling. But the longer she listened, the louder and clearer their argument became. And most of the time, they were fighting about one thing in particular.

"Why did you leave?"

Emiko pressed her ear closer against the door and sighed. She'd asked the same question the day she'd found out Sakura was intended to be Hokage, and even though she'd only asked once, she'd already come to the conclusion that Sakura would not be giving an honest answer.

"Don't you realize how much of a failure I would have been as Hokage?"

Sure, she said she would make a bad leader, but since her arrival in Tonzura, she'd gracefully taken the reigns and let Emiko sit in the passenger seat. She knew what they were going to do, and when and why they were going to do it. She was quite organized, though you wouldn't be able to guess as much by the state of her room, and if Emiko had to pick someone to lead a village, she was sure she would pick Sakura.

"Even the biggest failure beat the hell out of never trying," Kakashi shot back. "What happened to the Will of Fire? Your ninja way?"

"What ninja way? What Will of Fire?" Sakura shouted. "Naruto was the only one of us who ever claimed to have either of those!"

"You know, you can bring down an entire building with your bare fists, but aside from that, I don't see a scrap of Tsunade's teaching in you." He paused, and then added, "Except for the fact that you like to run from your problems."

"Shut up!" Sakura screamed. "God, you're starting to sound just like her!"

Emiko heard pounding footsteps approaching the door and she quickly hopped up and leaped onto the bed, where she grabbed a book that was lying on the pillow and pretended to read. She looked up when Sakura stormed in, leaving the door open behind her, and turned her gaze to Kakashi the moment he said, "Good. At least one of us does."

Now, Emiko did not have a firm grasp on exactly what they were arguing about. She knew this much - it had something to do with Sakura running away and abandoning her duties. But aside from that, Emiko hadn't gathered much else. But she did know that what Kakashi had just said was absolutely the wrong thing to say.

Sakura's eyes widened at the blow and she averted her eyes downward. Emiko saw her shoulders tighten and her lips press together and she wanted nothing more than to jump off the bed, throw her arms around Sakura and beg her not to cry, but it was not her place to do so.

Besides, Kakashi recognized the signs as quickly as Emiko had, and immediately, he was approaching Sakura and touching her arm, though she quickly jerked it away from him, as if his touch had burned her.

"Wait until news gets out that you're alive," he said, trying to comfort her. "They've got a lot of money on finding you. But everyone thinks you're dead. I'd imagine if the current Hokage knew you were still alive and fighting, there'd be a lot more money on your head, only you wouldn't be wanted alive anymore."

"Current Hokage?" An image of Naruto flashed immediately in Sakura's mind. His wide, foolish grin, his untidy blonde hair, his bright blue eyes and the unmistakable markings on his cheeks. She wondered how long Tsunade had waited for Sakura to come back before appointing Naruto, who had been her second choice. He'd undoubtedly taken the news well, and he'd surely jumped straight into action the moment he'd been appointed. Sakura was positive that Konoha was in good hands as long as he was around. But why was Kakashi implying that Naruto wanted her killed? "Why would Naruto want me dead?" she asked incredulously, glaring at Kakashi like he was stupid.

And he did look dumbstruck in that moment, with his eye peeled wide open and his jaw dropped slightly. He shook his head, darkly amused, and muttered, "Naruto isn't the Hokage. Didn't you hear?" At the shake of Sakura's head, he explained, "Apparently, Orochimaru had been hiding away his most secret weapon for twenty-eight years. He had a daughter. She showed up and claimed to want to put all her father's life work in the past and start anew in Konoha."

He rolled his shoulders wearily and took and sighed before continuing, "Tsunade tried to turn away, but she suffered a 'heart attack'." His tone as he said this made it quite clear that he didn't believe her for a second that her cause of death had been so innocent. "Now the girl's in charge. Her name is Kuragari, I think. She's running Konoha straight into the ground, but she must have some idea what she's doing if she was able to trick the elders into letting her stick around." He laughed coldly at himself, then said, "Although I guess the point of being a tyrant is not to allow anyone to defy you."

Sakura silently processed everything she'd just been told. She was overcome with several different emotions. The grief of Tsunade's death suddenly pressed more heavily upon her now that she knew that she hadn't just died, but had been murdered. And the thought sent Sakura spiraling into murderous rage herself, the fire of her anger burning hotter when she considered the fact that the murderer was not punished, but made leader! What a message to send, that killing and innocent person could put you in a position of authority. She felt sympathy for Naruto, who had to deal with it all first hand, and fury at Kakashi for not revealing everything to her sooner.

But more than anything else, she felt guilt. The guilt that she'd tried tried to ignore when she'd first fled her home was no longer just an uncomfortable twisting at the pit of her stomach. It now felt as if it was trying to gnaw its way out, burning and tearing up her insides. She curled her arms around her stomach and bent over. She was so disgusted with herself, she felt like she could vomit, and she took a few heavy breaths through her nose to calm herself.

Would any of this had happened if she'd stayed? Would she have been able to stop that traitorous girl from killing Tsunade, the woman who had become much like a second mother to Sakura, if she'd still been in Konoha when it had happened? Would Naruto be happily serving under _her_ reign, despite the fact that the position she might have held was the one he'd been dreaming over his entire life?

Would she be thinking this way if Kakashi hadn't brought it up at all?

"You shouldn't have come here," she said suddenly, turning her gaze on him. "Nobody asked you to come looking for me."

"They would have if they had any hope that you might be alive," he pointed out. "And while I may have my own selfish reasons for coming all the way out to the middle of nowhere to find you, I have other things to be concerned with now that I know where you are."

"Well you can forget it," she muttered. "There's no way I'm going back - what use would it be? The bitch who killed my mentor won't just step down and let me take the reigns, will she?" Sakura turned her eyes away and murmured, "I think it would be best for everyone if you just left. Go back to Konoha, you're more use to them than I am."

He heaved a sigh and whispered something under his breath that sounded something like "she doesn't get it". He then reached out and tilted her chin up so she was facing him before she could dodge him, and now both his hands were encompassing her face so that she couldn't escape him if she tried. He said his next words with such conviction that Sakura could do nothing but believe them to be completely true, though she was not entirely sure what he meant by them.

"If I knew that it would be better for you if I were out of your life, I'd go," he said. "But not knowing that, I can't make myself stay away."

Later on, she'd think herself dense for not hearing the hidden meaning in his words. But at that moment, although she was compelled to believe him, all she could think about was how stupid he sounded. What did this have to do with him? He'd come with one sole purpose in mind, and that was to take her back to Konoha. She wondered if he'd drag her back by the hair if he had to, but she'd fight him off too easily for that.

They'd reached a stalemate. There was nothing Kakashi could do or say to convince Sakura to return to the place she'd once called home - the place she still called home in only the deepest recesses of her mind. And there was nothing Sakura could do to get Kakashi off her back. They would be forced to endure each other's presences, each of them trying to convince the other that they were in the right, until one of them finally cracked.

Which wouldn't be any time soon. They were two very stubborn people, similar in only that aspect. They would hold fast to their beliefs and challenge anything and anyone that disputed those beliefs. The final breakdown would likely be a very loud and violent one.

But these possibilities were too far in the future for Sakura to even contemplate at the present moment. She didn't consider for even one second that she might give in to Kakashi. There was no way in hell she was going back, especially now that she knew was awaited her. A village, quite possibly in near ruin, controlled by the tyrannical daughter of a madman, with only one person to blame for their predicament - Sakura herself.

Her current issue ran more shallow than that. She was caught in a predicament of her own that had little to do with her duties to her former village and plenty to do with her personal life, or more specifically her love life. Guilty as she felt to admit it to herself, she was less concerned with the home she'd left behind and more concerned with the state of her relationship with Kakashi.

She wondered if the bond they'd shared was beyond repair, now that they'd both done their part in screwing it up. Yes, even though she placed most of the blame on Kakashi and his incapacity for emotion, she had to partly blame herself. He'd broken her heart, but that was the worst he'd done to her. She, on the other hand, was worsening the blow by being so hostile toward him not allowing him to even try to fix things with her because of her foolish grudge. Then their was the fact - and this was neither of their faults - that now that they were sharing Emiko's inn, they rarely had any time away from each other. This in itself was equal to taking a metaphorical axe and chopping the torn up remains of Sakura's already damaged heart into tiny bits and pieces.

She'd thought he could love her. But it turned out she'd placed all her hope in a person who wasn't really there. She still felt so drawn to him, like a moth to a flame. He'd once made her laugh like no one else. She wished things weren't so different now. Loathe as she was to admit it, she truly did want their relationship back. She needed it.

* * *

_A/N: Another short chapter. Sorry about that. I would have combined this with another chapter because I feel bad leaving you guys with this dreadfully short update, but it just didn't seem to fit in with the previous chapter and it doesn't quite work with the next one either. Nevertheless, I hope you enjoy, and thanks for reading. :) The next chapter is called Past and should be up in about 3-4 weeks._


	14. Past

_"It's like my buddy Timon always says: you got to put your behind in your past!"  
"No, no, no. Amateur. Sit down before you hurt yourself. It's, 'You got to put your past behind you.'"_

- Pumbaa & Timon

* * *

Sakura was lucky enough to wake up after Kakashi, and even luckier to find that he wasn't in the room with her when she awoke. It meant she didn't have to dress in a mad rush in an attempt to avoid being stared at by his wandering eye, and she wouldn't be forced to engage in conversation with him. Somehow he didn't feel the tension between them, or maybe he was just ignoring it, but every chance he got, he tried to speak to her as if nothing had changed. Like he hadn't hurt her and like she hadn't run away from him.

From the village. Not just from him.

Because of this unexpected reprieve, she was free to spend the next few hours until he returned however she pleased. This mostly involved laying in bed and watching butterflies flutter past the window and wondering if there were actually more than one of them or if it was just the same one flying back and forth. She also borrowed a book of Emiko's and indulged in a bit of reading, something she never dared to do when Kakashi was around for the fear that the title of the book might spark a conversation.

By one in the afternoon, Kakashi was still gone, and Sakura was beginning to get bored of laying around. She decided she'd take some of the money she'd earned by performing petty tasks around Tonzura and buy herself something new to wear or some more food for the next few days.

But before she could leave, she had to attempt to tame her hair. She hadn't been getting out much recently and had had no reason to touch her hair. As a result, it was full of knots and tangles, but her rat's nest of a hair-do was no match for her handiwork with a comb. She conquered her matted tresses in a matter of minutes.

She then shucked off the flimsy shirt she'd worn to sleep and went to grab the sweater Emiko had lent her a few weeks ago from off the bathroom floor. Then she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. Her hair was still the false shade of auburn she'd given herself to disguise her appearance - she could change it any time she wanted to, now that her true identity had been revealed, but she'd grown oddly attached to the shade - and she was about the same size now as she was when she left, though she had gotten a bit softer. She didn't have her mask on at the moment, but there was a barely visible tan line outlining where it usually covered the lower half of her face. But what caught her eye was actually the neat, shiny scar on her side.

It was slightly puckered and raised, but she could not feel it when she moved and if she hadn't already known it was there, she might not have noticed it. If she'd been the one to heal it, it would have healed even more nicely, but she had to give credit where it was due. Emiko had done a fine job.

It was near perfectly healed, but the sight of it still stirred up what Sakura had tried to stuff deep inside - the shame she wore that was as ugly as if she still had the gaping wound. She feared if she said too much or didn't keep her guard up that both Emiko and Kakashi would be able to see what she'd been able to hide for months. That she might look okay on the outside, but inside she was still ragged and bloody and tender.

As much as the sight of her scar saddened her, she couldn't tear her eyes away. It reminded her of the many times she'd witnessed a murder or the killing of an enemy in her time as a shinobi - no matter how much she told herself "I don't want to see this", she couldn't stop herself from watching.

She felt sad because she realized that once people were broken in certain ways, there could be no fixing them. And this was something that nobody had ever told her when she was younger, and it didn't fail to surprise her now that she'd grown older and she'd witnessed people in her life break, one by one, one right after the other. She wondered when it was her turn, or if it had already happened.

"Pretty good, huh?"

The sound of Emiko's voice startled Sakura right out of her thoughts. She spun around on her heels to face the girl and was immediately comforted by that subtle, ever present smile.

"I mean, I'm no medical expert, but I like to think I did a pretty good job with that one. If it was a little bit smaller, there might not have even been a scar," Emiko said proudly. She then added, "Not that it's ugly. It's a nice scar, I think."

Sakura simply replied, "It certainly could be uglier."

This was evidently the wrong thing to say. Emiko's smile faltered for a fraction of a second before coming back stronger than before. She look at the scar for a moment before saying, "No, I don't think a scar is ever ugly. That's just what people who give us scars want us to think. Maybe this is just the medic in me coming out, but I think all scars are beautiful."

Sakura pulled on the sweater and smoothed it over the side that bore the scar. "I don't know, I've seen some pretty bad ones in my time."

To this, Emiko countered, "It might just be me then. But take it from me, and I'm sure you know this already - a scar doesn't form on the dying."

"What do you mean?"

"A scar means you survived." At this, Emiko smile widened, flashing a glimpse of her teeth.

Sakura could do nothing but return the smile and agree, "That actually makes a lot of sense."

Emiko's grin shrank just slightly and she shuffled her feet self-consciously. "I came in here because there's something I wanted to talk to you about. I wanted to wait until we were alone to do it. I figured that would be best."

"What is it?"

"I was thinking..." She seemed unsure of herself for a moment, and Sakura briefly wondered if Emiko might just say nevermind and walk away. But she watched her friend take a deep breath and then continue bravely, "I've had a few weeks to consider what I learned about you-"

Sakura's smile dropped and she turned away from Emiko and toward the mirror, only to make eye contact with her reflection. She picked up her hairbrush again and pretended to struggle with a few stubborn knots, and she tried not to sound too bitter when she asked, "You mean what Kakashi told you about me?"

Emiko flinched, but pressed on. "Yes. That." She paused. "I wanted you to know that I'm not mad at you for not telling me, because I understand that you didn't want the extra attention." She was silent for what seemed like a very long time. Sakura put down the brush and went about tidying up the bathroom counter to make herself look busy and not like she wanted to kill Kakashi. Then she heard Emiko quietly say, "And I'm also not surprised at all."

This confused Sakura. "Surprised by what?" asked.

"What I mean to say is it's no surprise she wanted you to be Hokage after her."

Sakura's hands fell to the edge of the cold, marble counter and she allowed herself to consider that possibility for the first time. That she might not be an awful leader. That she could have done well in a position of power and authority, and that if she'd stayed, Konoha would be in good hands. But after a few short moments of consideration, she had to concede that she would be a terrible Hokage. "No," she said. "I wouldn't be a good leader. I let her die."

Emiko looked genuinely surprised at this, and it broke Sakura's heart that she was going to have to explain that she was to blame for the previous Hokage's death. "What are you talking about?" Emiko asked carefully.

"I'd I'd stayed... She might still be alive right now," Sakura explained thickly. "I could have saved her, I could have done _something_, I could have-"

"You can't let it haunt you."

That small phrase stopped Sakura in her tracks. She wasn't sure what kind of response she was expecting, but it certainly wasn't that. Not the sound of a sympathetic voice telling her not to let it get to her, as if it were only a nasty comment some boy had made to her in the Academy.

Seeing the opportunity to plead her case during the lull in Sakura's tangent, Emiko continued, "Even if you'd been there, do you think you could have stopped her fate? That technique of hers - that mark on her forehead - when she used it, it shortened her lifespan, didn't it? That's what all the medical journals say, at least. Maybe it was her time." She contemplated her next words for a moment, trying to word them as sensitively as possible. "And even if you could have prevented it, what's done is done."

When Emiko was finished speaking, Sakura was quiet for a long time. They must have sat there in silence for at least a solid five minutes before Sakura said in a barely audible, defeated voice, "I just wish there was something I could do."

Emiko joined her at the edge of the counter and placed her hand over where Sakura's was clutching the marble tightly. She said comfortingly, "All you can do at this point is try to learn form it."

"I'm trying," Sakura insisted. "I just don't know what the lesson is yet."

"Have you considered not running anymore?"

Sakura rolled her eyes. She'd been hearing this argument ever since Kakashi arrived, but never from Emiko. She seemed to have a constant understanding for what she was going through, despite the fact that Emiko had no allegiance to any village and had never been put in the same position. She liked to think Emiko was on her side, but now it looked like she was siding with Kakashi.

"I'm _not_," Sakura insisted. "Maybe I was, but right now, I'm staying right here. I can't bring myself to go any farther and Kakashi would probably chain me to the wall if I even tried, and I'm not ready to go back. I'm not sure that I ever will be."

Emiko laughed. Sakura didn't see what was funny.

"I don't mean about _that_," Emiko said, and her tone was amused as if Sakura had just made a funny joke. "I mean you should think about not running from your other problems."

"'My other problems,'" Sakura said, and she laughed a little bit too, although her chuckle was a bit darker than Emiko's lighthearted giggle. "That narrows it down."

Emiko sighed and gave Sakura a look that reminded her of the looks her mother used to give her when she said something bad as a little girl. A look of slight disappointment with a watchful gaze, but with an overall air of fondness as well. She shook her head, smiling, and asked, "Do you know the mark of a guy worth keeping for the rest of your life?"

Now Sakura knew where this was going. She shook her head in reply. At one point, she'd thought she'd known. But now, she wasn't so sure. In fact, this wasn't the first time she'd lost her faith in what she was looking for in a guy. It had first happened when she'd allowed herself to get so close to Sasuke, only for him to abandon her. And then again when she'd gotten attached to a man who couldn't decide if he felt the same way or not.

"It's when you become impossible to deal with, but he stays anyway."

With that, Emiko patted Sakura's hand and left. Sakura heard the click of the front door closing and even the tapping of her friend's footsteps as she headed towards the heart of Tonzura.

Sakura understood with perfect clarity was Emiko was trying to impress upon her. That one of them - Sakura or Kakashi - had to stop running eventually. And she'd implied that Kakashi had already done so. But that wasn't entirely true. Sure, he'd come out here to find Sakura, but he hadn't made any effort to reconcile with her. Since he arrived, he's only been arguing with her every chance he got about why she should return.

So he was still running from his feelings. That was okay. Well, no. It wasn't okay. It was self-destructive behavior and sooner or later, it would come back to bite him. But that wasn't Sakura's problem. Not anymore, at least.

Suddenly, Sakura didn't feel like going out anymore. She groaned, shucked off the sweater she'd just put on, and plucked a random shirt off the bathroom floor to replace it. After pulling it on, she crawled back into bed and curled in on herself where she intended to do some intense thinking. Instead, she was all of a sudden hit with a wave of weariness, and she fell asleep, plagued by nightmares of regret.

* * *

Kakashi had always loved to watch Sakura sleep. The way she looked completely at peace was so entrancing, doubly so because of the fact that she never seemed to be at peace when she was awake. At times, she would groan or mumble in her slumber, likely the result of a dream or a nightmare, and he would try to make out what she was saying, but he always failed.

It was even greater to watch her sleep when she was wearing his clothes. He had no idea what might have prompted her to put on one of his long sleeved navy blue shirts to sleep in, but he didn't particularly care. Perhaps it meant that their relationship was shifting ever so slightly toward the better.

The front door squeaked open and clicked shut. Emiko was back from her walk. Kakashi asked her what time it was and she replied with a cheery, "About four in the afternoon. Why?"

"She's still sleeping. She must have gotten up to change, because she wasn't wearing that when she went to bed last night," Kakashi said.

Emiko came to his side and watched the sight through the doorway with him. Sakura was indeed fast asleep, and wearing clothes that weren't her own, too. She was fairly sure the pink-haired medic wouldn't want anybody, least of all Kakashi, to see her like this. And yet she'd left the bedroom door not only unlocked, but wide open, with the covers pushed down to reveal that she was wearing a shirt that belonged to a man she tried so desperately to hate. Subconsciously, she was crying out for attention. And not attention from just anyone, but attention from that particular man.

"I don't know what you did to her, Kakashi," Emiko sighed.

"What do you mean?"

"You did something to her. She was never like this before you came along. She's different now, and I can't tell if it's a good thing or a bad thing," Emiko explained. "So I don't know what you did, but don't you dare forget that she has feelings, okay? She has a heart. In fact, she probably had the biggest heart of all the girls you know. You know how I know that?"

Kakashi already knew it was the truth. He'd experienced the strength of Sakura's heart through firsthand experience - she was an incredibly compassionate woman, to both the people she knew very well and to the people she never met before. But if Emiko's explanation had any chance of giving him some clarity on what next to do to repair his failed relationship with Sakura, he wanted to hear it. "How?" he asked.

"You've given her nothing." Emiko said it simply, her smile never leaving her face, but that was no longer bewildering to Kakashi. He'd known her long enough to be sure that the smile wasn't necessarily because she was happy, but rather because she wanted the people around her to be. "She chose to leave you once, but even though you chased her here and you're not giving her a single reason to stick around, she's still here. I don't know if you've noticed, but she's actually staying this time."

Kakashi's eyes fell down guiltily. His hands fisted deeper in his pockets and he nodded in understanding, but Emiko wasn't so sure he entirely grasped what she was trying to tell him. So she continued, "But just because she's staying right now doesn't mean she'll be around all the time. Someday, she won't be around anymore. She can't wait forever."

He opened his mouth and turned to reply, but Emiko was already halfway to the door. "Where are you going?" he asked.

"I'm taking a walk," she answered smoothly.

"You just got back from a walk."

Emiko rolled her eyes. "I'm taking _another_," she mumbled as she flicked her head toward the room where Sakura was sleeping. A not-so-subtle gesture that clearly meant _You broke her, now fix her_.

The petite medic left, shutting the door behind her. Kakashi looked up at the ceiling and sent up a silent prayer that his efforts to fix things with Sakura would one day pay off. Then he shook himself out, took a deep breath, and entered the room. He shucked off his shoes by the door, pulled down his mask and removed his forehead protector so that both of his eyes were visible.

As quietly as he could, he slipped under the covers next to her, keeping a respectable distance. But his stealth was no match for her guard. The second the springs in the mattress squeaked, her eyes fluttered open and she turned her head to regard him tiredly.

"You don't have your mask on," was all Kakashi could think to say.

If she had been more awake, she might have barked a hostile reply. But she was still half asleep and only said in a croaky, exhausted voice, "Nope. Neither do you."

"Nope."

They lay in bed silently for a while, neither of them moving except for the rise and fall of their bodies as they breathed. During this silence, Kakashi thought hard about what he was going to say next. Did he want to be subtle about it and slowly work an honest conversation out of her, or should he just ask outright the question on his mind and hope for the best?

The second seemed like the best option. Sakura seemed too tired to play mind games with him, and though she was always on her guard, he was less likely to raise her hackles when she was in such a lethargic state.

"Answer a question for me," he said suddenly.

Her brow furrowed, an instant sign of reluctance. "Kakashi-" she started.

"Please? Honestly."

She turned her entire body toward him, though she angled herself away, and their eyes met. Her reluctance to comply was obvious, but his desire for honesty outweighed her desire to ignore him. After a brief pause, she sighed, "Okay."

"Do I really make you miserable here?" he asked.

Sakura scoffed and rubbed at her eyes. "Everything makes me miserable here," she said quietly.

"Isn't that a bit melodramatic?"

"Maybe, but it's the truth. I see a ramen stand and I think of Naruto. I see a woman with big breasts and I think of Tsunade. I see a ninja passing through and I think of Konoha, Konoha, _Konoha_. Everywhere I go. I miss everything."

"Then why wouldn't you-"

"And then I see you," Sakura continued, ignoring him. "I see you, and suddenly all I can think about is _you_. Do you make me miserable? I can't really answer that when I'm surrounded by things that make me think of all the people I've left behind. I'm in a constant state of misery. But you? I don't know. I'm unhappy with you, I'm unhappy without you." She yawned and stretched, then turned away from him again before murmuring, "But at least when I'm with you, the misery is tempered by your presence."

* * *

_A/N: Sorry for the delayed update. I got a little sidetracked, and when I got back to this, I started wondering where exactly I was going with this story and what was going to happen next, so I took a short break to work out all the kinks in the storyline. Feedback is always welcome, of course. Thanks for reading. The next chapter, called There, should be up soon.  
_


	15. There

_"She's wrong. I can't go back. What would it prove anyway? You can't change the past. You said you'd always be there for me! But you're not. It's because of me. It's my fault."_

- Simba

* * *

It seemed Sakura's hands were always holding something. In fact, to her, it seemed to be that way in the cases of most women. A woman almost always has something in her hands, whether it be a vase, a child, a ring, or an idea. Sakura's hands were tired of holding. She wanted to simply fold them in her lap and let somebody else carry the weight. Across the room, Emiko said cross-legged on her bed, twiddling her thumbs in idle thought. Her hands looked empty, until Sakura remembered that she clutched a handful of lost memories that she would never get back.

Currently, Sakura held a purring calico cat, his long tail curled around her arm as her fingers idly scratched his stomach. Fujo was perhaps the least complicated of all things Sakura was required to hold, especially when he was asleep. But she was sure when he woke, he would have plenty to say about Sakura's current romantic situation and he would subject her to his own jumbled philosophy on how to fix it. This philosophy would probably have little to do with human emotions and a lot to do with catnip.

How she wished her life could be so simple.

Wouldn't it be just dandy to only have to worry about catnip and tummy scratches? The only thing she'd ever have to run from would be the odd vicious dog here and there, and even then, she could just climb a tree in a matter of seconds and wait until the simple-minded canine got bored and gave up. Relationship troubles were virtually non-existent.

That would be nice.

But that would never happen. She could wish she was a cat all she wanted, but at the end of the day, she would still be Haruno Sakura, a human being with complex emotions and a list of burdens that seemed to never stop growing.

The burden at the top of that list was whether or not she was ever going to return to Konoha. When she'd left, she'd been so sure that the glimpses she caught of the shrinking village as she walked away were the last she'd ever get. But she was beginning to doubt herself. If Kakashi wasn't exaggerating about the current Hokage's treachery, and if Konoha was really in more danger now than it would have been if she'd stayed and actually become Hokage, then she had to go back, didn't she?

Or she could just rely on Naruto to handle it. There was no doubt in her mind that he was already formulating a plan to oust the tyrannical leader and put himself in her place. In fact if she wasn't so sure news of it would have already reached Tonzura, she would swear he'd already succeeded.

And even if she did return, what use would she be? She could stride through the gates with all kinds of noble intentions, but if Konoha, a village full to the brim with elite jonin and experienced ANBU with one extraordinarily powerful jinchuuriku to boot, couldn't work together to take down just one particularly cunning tyrant... Well, there wasn't must hope for one petite pink-haired medic with just her chakra-charged fists and handful of genjutsu to do the same. Especially if she was low on motivation.

The door creaked open then clicked shut. In stepped Kakashi, carrying a paper bag of groceries, with Pakkun following close behind, dragging along a string of sausage links in his teeth. Fujo woke with a twitch and leapt out of Sakura's lap, leaving her free to look up at Kakashi and regard him warily. He met her gaze steadily without making a sound for a moment, then reached into his paper bag and tossed a small box to her.

"I got these for your cat," he said, then went about putting away the rest of the food in the pitiful refrigerator that sat in the corner of their tiny kitchenette.

She caught the package easily and examined it. It was the same brand of cat snacks she kept in her apartment for her three feline summons. She wondered if he'd picked these up by chance, or if he actually paid enough attention to her to know that this was her preferred brand. Or rather Fujo's preferred brand.

"Fujo," she called, rattling the cardboard box. "Treats."

Fujo didn't come, but Sakura heard him hissing and spitting in the corner of the room. She sighed, "Kakashi, your dog is misbehaving."

"Pakkun is very well-trained and won't bite unless provoked." Even so, after a pause, Kakashi called him off, saying, "If you can't conduct yourself in a friendly manner, Pakkun, you're welcome to leave."

"It was the cat's fault," the pug said in a gruff voice before disappearing, leaving only a wispy curl of smoke in his wake.

Sakura naively wondered if the aversion between her cat and his dog symbolized the way they'd been clashing recently, and if the instinctual hatred that all cats and dogs shared of each other was any indication that things between her and Kakashi would never change. If he was a dog and she was a cat, was there no hope for them to ever have a functional relationship? But then she was simplifying the complexity of the human heart again. As much as she sometimes wished she could be, she wasn't a feline anymore than Kakashi was a canine despite the fact that she considered herself sleek and stealthy and he sometimes smelled like a wet dog.

If these problems had been occurring three years ago, Sakura knew exactly who she would have gone to for advice. She would have stumbled into Tsunade's office, a teary mess, and relayed to her superior all of her woes that were trivial in comparison to organizing missions and preventing war from breaking out. And no matter how busy she was, or how tired she was, or how much bigger her problems were, Tsunade would always have some suggestions. Some were as useless as going out and drinking her cares away, and some were as reasonable as talking it out. But every time, without fail, Tsunade's suggestion solutions were always valuable.

Sakura hated to think that she would never again be able to go to Tsunade for advice again, whether she returned to Konoha or not. This was perhaps another reason for Sakura not to go back.

"I'm going out," Sakura suddenly decided aloud. She stood up and handed the box of treats to Emiko. Fujo jumped onto the mattress expectantly.

"Where are you going?" Emiko asked as she offered the purring cat a few of the snacks.

"Don't know yet."

She pulled up the mask that was rolled down around her neck and glanced over at Kakashi. He looked upset. She shrugged. "I'll be back," she said, and she headed toward the door.

"Fujo will come!"

She felt her cat's rumbling form rubbing against her ankles and she sighed. "No," she insisted. She picked Fujo up off the ground and placed him back on the bed with Emiko. "Fujo will stay. As punishment for not playing friendly with Pakkun."

"But-!"

"You should consider yourself lucky I'm even letting Emiko give you those treats."

Sakura moved back to the door and gave Fujo a scolding look as she exited, daring him to defy her and try to follow again. She watched him until the door closed on his sad amber eyes.

She sighed and walked on. She hated to punish him, or even say no to him. During her long journey out here, he'd been her only friend. It felt wrong to reprimand him when all he ever wanted to do was make her happy. But she needed alone time. _Real_ alone time, with some peaceful quiet and fresh air. Which meant she'd have to stray from her usual path.

She'd taken a lot of walks in Tonzura, but always along the bustling streets of town. When she'd first arrived here, she'd noted the scenery - dry and dying, brown grass and crunching leaves everywhere. The weather was even worse. The sun was brutal and relentless, and according to Emiko, it was pretty much like that year round. She'd never had even the slightest desire to take a walk through the nature here.

But if she wanted peace and quiet, now was the time to find it. Today's temperature was more forgiving, but not by a lot. The sun still beat down on her shoulders and she could already feel sweat forming on the back of her neck, making the mask stick uncomfortably to her skin. There wasn't a cloud in the sky, and the trees around her had already shed their leaves for the fall - at least, she assumed it was fall, but the weather here was so backwards compared to lush green Konoha, she had no real way of telling. But there was a light breeze coming in from the west, and Sakura could smell water on it.

Finding the source of the water would be her best bet. With any luck, the breeze would be stronger closer to the shore and the ground would be less dry and brittle and more soft and lush and more comfortable for her to sit on. Crossing her fingers, she hoped for a tree that had enough leaves to shade her, but that was _really_ shooting for the stars.

The longer she walked, the softer the ground seemed to become, and before long, instead of the grass crunching and breaking beneath her feet, it bent to cushion her steps. She kept walking until the ground dropped off in front of her. A cliff. She leaned forward and looked over the edge of it, straight into a dark, calm lake, and took in a huge breath.

And then she let it go. She wished she could say it made her feel better, but her mind was still full to the brim of dangerous, depressing thoughts. She sat down on the edge of the cliff, her legs dangling in the air, and closed her eyes, focusing only on the comfort of the light breeze. This was what she'd been looking for. A quiet place where she could sit in comfortable solitude and sort out her thoughts.

But it felt so wrong. She didn't want to think about any of the things that were hurting her, eating away at her from the inside out. Thinking about them only made it hurt more. When she thought about Kakashi, she only wondered why she never seemed to be good enough to evoke emotions from him. When she thought about Konoha, she was reminded of the honest fact that leaving had been the biggest mistake of her life. And when she thought about Tsunade...

Especially recently, when she thought about Tsunade, she reflected on one of the few times her mentor had shown her true colors.

* * *

_Sakura's feet shifted on the cold tiles of the roof. She wondered if she was the first person to ever come sit here, or if Shizune had ever needed a little break from work and had sat on the roof for a few minutes too. Or even if Tsunade had sought comfort and solace in the very spot Sakura was sitting now._

_But considering that possibility made her uncomfortable. She didn't deserve to sit in the same spot Tsunade had once sat in, and she sure as hell did not deserve to sit in the same room as her. The apprenticeship was a blessing. A blessing in the disguise of a bitter and callous alcoholic. She had learned so much in so little time. She knew she was talented. _Everyone_ knew she was talented. But Tsunade, legendary and amazing as she was, was damn near impossible to work with._

_But that would be tolerable if Sakura at least had somebody to talk to about it. She didn't dare bring it up to the woman herself, for fear of setting her off. And she already had so much on her plate, Sakura knew Tsunade would hardly have the time for an apprentice who couldn't handle a somewhat overbearing boss. Shizune was off-limits because not only was she always busy running around completing petty tasks for her boss, but anything Sakura told her would be told straight to Tsunade. Ino was too much of a gossip to talk to about anything, and Sakura's team..._

_Well, they weren't around much, were they? Sasuke wasn't around at all. He'd left a long time ago, and even if he was still in Konoha, Sakura doubted if he'd have the patience or the compassion to listen to her vent about her stupid problems. Naruto was still of with Jiraiya doing God knows what - probably learning as much as Sakura was, if not a hell of a lot more. And Kakashi had disappeared on a top secret mission several weeks ago, and she'd heard through the grapevine that he wasn't expected to return for several more weeks._

_For the first time in her life, Sakura felt completely and utterly alone. Sasuke's betrayal hadn't been easy to deal with, but at least she'd had Naruto to talk to. When Naruto had left, she'd come to rely heavily on Kakashi. But content as he was to listen to her complaints and offer her the best advice he could come up with for a girl fourteen years his junior, he wasn't always around. Now that his students were no longer in need of his tutelage, he was back in the field._

_But that wasn't fair. True, Sakura didn't need Kakashi to teach her anymore, not when she had someone as incredible as Tsunade to coach her. But she still _needed_ him. Even if his advice was a little bit twisted most of the time, he was still the best shoulder to cry on she had._

_She didn't even notice she was crying until she heard the window slide open behind her and a stern voice say, "What did I tell you about- Oh."_

_Sakura straightened up immediately. The tears she hadn't noticed at first now burned her skin like acid. She wiped them away and cleared her throat, but it was no use. She was still hoarse and raspy when she exclaimed, "Shishou! Sorry, I just needed some fresh air. I'll get right back to work now."_

_She turned to head back into the building, but Tsunade wasn't moving. She was still in the window, peering curiously at Sakura while shaking her head and tutting. That could have meant a number of things. Sakura figured the safest reaction would be to stay completely still and wait for Tsunade's next move._

_"Sakura," the Hokage said after a few more clicks of her tongue. To Sakura's astonishment, the blonde climbed through the window and sat herself down beside her apprentice, leaning casually against the exterior wall. Sakura wasn't sure what to make of it. She was used to seeing Tsunade tensed over a pile of paperwork or anxiously pacing her office before a meeting with the elders. Seeing her so relaxed was an incredibly foreign thing to her, and she wasn't sure how she should respond to it. So, again, she waited._

_"We spend half of every day in the same room together, and yet we hardly know each other," Tsunade said finally. "I am completely and utterly confounded by you."_

_Sniffling, Sakura asked, "What do you mean?"_

_"I never know what to expect from you." Tsunade chuckled fondly, and Sakura liked the sound of it. It was a fresh change of pace from her usual bitter, cynical scoff. "If you're not punching heads off of shoulders, you're huddled in a corner crying."_

_Her mentor gazed at her expectantly, but Sakura avoided her prying stare. She didn't want to talk about it. She _really_ didn't want to talk about it, least of all with Tsunade. There was an ever growing list of issues - _real_ issues that Tsunade had to worry about, and Sakura had no right to put her own teenage angst anywhere on that list. It wasn't fair._

_After a few beats of silence, Tsunade pressed, "What's wrong?"_

_"It's nothing, really," Sakura insisted weakly. "I can get back to work now-"_

_"You're dismissed for the evening. Now talk."_

_Sakura considered it. She was dismissed. If she wanted to, should could hop down from the rooftop and dash home, curl up on her sofa with a fuzzy blanket, a mug of steaming hot chocolate, and a few soap operas. And Tsunade would have no reason to hold it against her. But she knew that in the end, her mentor would either beat it out of her or somehow convince her that venting was for the best, even if she was venting to the person who least deserved to have other peoples' petty problems on their conscience._

_And so she pressed the heels of her hands into her burning eyes and tried not to think about who she was talking to when she said, "Everyone has left me behind. Sasuke, Naruto... Even Kakashi-sensei is gone."_

_"Ah, yes," Tsunade said, and Sakura could practically hear the sad, sympathetic smile on the blonde's face. "As I recall, he's on a very dangerous mission in a country that unfortunately must remain classified."_

_"Dangerous. Classified. Of course," Sakura muttered. She pulled her knees up against her chest and dropped her forehead to rest on top of them. "It feels like nobody sticks around, you know? Like everyone is moving on with their lives. Except for me."_

_"I'm here."_

_Sakura lifted her head to look at her superior and noticed that her smile was not sad as she had thought. Instead, it was full of warmth and kindness. The kind of smile her mother would give her when she was really young and she would cry about losing one of her toys or scraping her knee._

_"You and Shizune are the closest I have to children. As if I would ever have brats of my own." She paused to laugh, the same fond laugh from before, and Sakura smiled at the sound, the weight of the loneliness somewhat leaving her shoulders. "I don't know how or why you ever thought otherwise, but regardless of where your teammates are, I'm always just a couple of feet away and ready to talk."_

_That was all it took. A little reassurance. Sakura had never considered Tsunade anything more than just her boss, but she'd just been proven wrong. Tsunade was so much more than that to her, and all it took was a simple reminder to evaporate the loneliness. Warmth and happiness flooded into its place._

_Sakura felt happy. She felt truly happy. She thought she'd lost everybody, but she hadn't. A few people were gone from her life, and one of them was likely to never return. But now that she knew that Tsunade was on her side, she felt like she could pull through._

_"I'm always going to be here for you, Sakura," Tsunade said._

* * *

The memory left her trembling. Her eyes burned with angry tears she refused to shed. Anger. Why was she angry? She had no right to be. After all, Tsunade couldn't be blamed for her own death. That just didn't make sense.

But she'd made Sakura a promise.

She'd _promised_ that she would always be there, no matter what. No matter who left her behind, Tsunade had sworn that she would always be around.

But she'd lied.

Sakura brought her legs up and sat cross-legged, her head bowed. She slowly rocked herself back and forth, trying to calm down. Her anger was completely unjustified. She had no right to be upset with Tsunade, no right at all.

And yet, she was.

And she could not contain it.

Through frustrated tears, she muttered, "You said you'd always be there for me." Then she lifted her head to the steadily darkening sky and shouted, "But you left me all alone, just like everybody else!"

She pulled her kneed up against her chest, like she always did when she felt her world falling to pieces around her. She bit her lip to keep from crying out, and she rubbed furiously at her tears. Why couldn't she keep herself together? she wondered.

The wind changed directions. She caught a whiff of a familiar scent and shuddered miserably. "Go away," she snapped.

"You should have felt my chakra signature from a mile away. I taught you better."

"I knew you were coming," Sakura sniffled. She stood up and took a final look at the splashing waves below, then turned to face Kakashi. "I just didn't care."

"Are you alright?".

Of all the stupid questions to ask, he had the audacity to ask _that_ one. Sakura frowned immediately. "Am I alright?" she said. "_Am I alright?_ I've just been sitting on the edge of a cliff, yelling at nobody, and you're going to ask me if I'm _alright?_ Of course I'm not alright, you dim-witted excuse for a sensei. I'm fucking falling apart at the seams, but that's alright, it's not as if you _care_." Kakashi opened his mouth to protest, but Sakura continued fervently, "It's not as if you cared that I was leaving on a 'dangerous mission' three years ago, you didn't bother to give me any advice, or even any sentimental parting words. And it's not as if anybody cared how miserable I was when Sasuke left, or how lonely I was when Naruto left, or how hurt I was when you told me Tsunade was _dead_. No, I'm not alright, Kakashi. I'm completely alone. _Thanks for asking_."

She turned away from him and stared directly at the setting sun, watching it as it sank ever so slowly behind the horizon. The wind whipped her hair around her face and she kept pushing it back behind her ears, to no avail. Her blood was boiling, but the air was cold enough that she had to wrap her arms around herself to stay warm.

Kakashi was silent behind her for a long time. He didn't say anything. He didn't move. If Sakura wasn't sure that she would have heard him walk away, she would have thought he wasn't even there anymore. And then he finally spoke.

"I love you more than words, but you're so fixed upon this idea that everyone is going to leave you behind," he said, barely audible above the roar of the wind. "You don't even see that I'm here for you now. That should count for something."

She clicked her tongue and rolled her eyes. She had nothing to say to him. If he thought being a nag and a nuisance came anywhere close to being "here for her", he was sorely mistaken. He had a few things to learn about friendship and love if-

Love.

She whirled around on her heel to face him again. "What?" she asked. "What did you just say?"

For a moment he looked scared, then confused. His visible eyebrow arched. "I said I think it should count for something-" He seemed to realize something as he spoke. He hesitated, his face falling back into a neutral expression. His hands found his pockets and he carefully continued as if he had not paused in the first place, "-that I'm here for you right now."

"No," Sakura said firmly. "No, you just said you love me."

She watched Kakashi shift uncomfortable and avoid making eye contact for a few beats until he finally admitted, "So I did."

So he did.

The silence that followed was long and surprisingly comfortable. It felt as if one of the broken pieces inside of Sakura had clicked back into place. It was still a little bit loose, and she sure as hell wasn't completely repaired yet, but she was on her way.

They met eyes at last, and Sakura could see the crease of a smile through his mask. The sound of the splashing lake roared in her eyes, or perhaps it was the wind, or maybe that was her blood pounding. A bird chirped happily nearby, his chipper tweets seeming to say to her, "Smile back. Go on. You can do it. You know you want to."

She did want to. But instead, when she approached him, she drew back her fist and punched him in the face.

The quiet crack of his jaw fracturing was extremely satisfying, but still, she didn't smile. She offered him no time to recover from the blow. This time her hand rose to smack him upside the head, but he was more alert than he seemed. He grabbed her wrist in one hand and pre-emptively caught her remaining wrist in the other, squeezing tightly.

Sakura struggled violently against his hold and growled, "You loved me all this time and you never told me? And you wonder why it was so easy for me to leave! Do you think I would have done it so easily if I'd known?"

His grip slackened and she quickly took advantage of the opportunity to escape him. She brought her arms back to herself and gently massaged her now aching wrists, examining them for any sprains or bruises. When she looked back up at Kakashi, he seemed dumbstruck.

"You would have stayed?" he asked. Sakura was almost taken aback by how broken he sounded. And then she remember herself, and how angry she was.

"I don't know!" she replied viciously. "I might have thought about it a little bit more, but- ugh!" She shoved him away from her. "I can't believe you! I waited for you for _years_ and now you tell me?"

"And here I was thinking you might be happy to hear it."

Her nose wrinkled in disgust and her fists began to tremble at her sides as his words slowly sunk in. In one quick flash of a movement, she'd punched him again, this time in the chest, sending him flying back onto the soft grass. "How dare you!" she screeched. She advanced on him, her pace angry and determined, but he got up just in time to block her next blow. "I might have been, if you'd said it _three years ago!_"

She threw punch after punch, too quick to be blocked. Kakashi was barely able to dodge each attack. Sakura kept at it, eagerly awaiting the moment he'd tire enough for her to land just one blow, even just graze his cheek with a chakra charged fist. Because he _deserved it_.

But she was so wrapped up in her anger that she didn't notice him tensing to spring. Quite suddenly, his arms were around her waist, and the was hurtling backwards toward the ground. They fell together, and Kakashi wasted no time in pinning her hands above her head. Sakura struggled and waited for him to fight back - to pull out a kunai and hold it to her neck, like she'd seen him do to so many of his opponents.

But he didn't.

She stopped trying to wriggle away from him and spared a glance at his face. Loath as she was to admit it, her heart broke at what she saw. She'd never seen a man so conflicted, so hurt, and so torn. She could tell his instinct was screaming at him to fight back, and yet all he was doing was holding her to the ground, trying to avoid eye contact again.

He didn't want to fight her.

A bird - perhaps the same bird from before - flew down from a tree and hopped near Sakura's head. It tweeted in her ear, loud and chipper, as if to remind of the fact that she'd been trying not to face.

She wasn't really mad at him. Because in spite of the front he put up, that he was so upset with her for leaving and that he'd come to bring her back to the village that needed her, she could now say that she knew with all certainty the real reason he'd come for her.

The realization made a grin break out across her face. A laugh bubbled out of her throat, quiet at first and then growing louder until she was near hysterics.

"I can't keep up with your mood swings much longer," Kakashi remarked quietly above her.

"I get it now," she said when her laughter subsided, ignoring his comment. "You didn't come out here to find me because Konoha needs me." He met eyes with her, his expression begging her to say it and not to say it at the same time. He needed to hear it to be sure that she knew, but he didn't want to hear it, because he himself wasn't sure if he was ready to admit it.

"You came because _you_ need me," she finished at last.

He dropped his head onto her shoulder, defeated, and for what felt like the first time since he'd found her, she didn't cringe away from his touch. "You know, sometimes you do this really annoying thing where you see right through me-"

"I don't know if I'm ever going back, Kakashi," she interrupted softly.

He responded so quickly, she was sure he hadn't even had to think about it. "That's okay. I've already decided, wherever you are, that's where I'm going to be. I don't know if I'm ever going back, either."

"She'll want you dead," Sakura said darkly, and an image of a pale, dark-haired girl she'd never met before flashed in her mind. "She'll realize you've found me."

He lifted his head up and looked her in the eye, and he was no longer the broken man. He looked happy when he told her, "That's a risk I'm willing to take."

His hands released her wrists and her arms immediately went around his shoulders, her fingers interlocking on the back of his neck. The second he started to lean down, she was there to meet him, her lips pressing against his, harsh and needy.

Her whole life, she'd been seeking that special person who was "right" for her. But now, after having been through enough relationships, she'd begun to suspect that there was no right person, just different flavors of wrong. Why was this? Because she herself was wrong in some way, and she'd been seeking out partners who were wrong in some complementary way.

But it took a lot of living to grow fully into her wrongness. It wasn't until she'd finally run up against her deepest demons - her unsolvable problems, the ones that made her truly who she was - that she finally knew what she was looking for. She was looking for the wrong person. Not just any wrong person. The right wrong person - someone she could lovingly gaze upon and think, "This is the problem I want to have. This is the person who is wrong for me in just the right way."

Kakashi was that person.

In all likelihood, it would be a long while before Sakura ever saw Konoha again. Leaving hadn't been the easiest thing to do, and now that she was all the way out here, she was sure returning would also prove to be a bit of a task. But at this particular moment in time, none of that mattered. She had a place to rest her head at night, cool chakra coursing through her veins to defend and heal herself, and a friend whose understanding went far beyond simple pity.

Above all else, the man she loved had somehow found his way to her. In the midst of a hectic world, all that mattered was that he wasn't going anywhere if she wasn't going with him.

* * *

_A/N: Thanks for reading! And as always, feedback is welcome, and please let me know if I've made any spelling/grammar errors. Sorry this one took so long, my writer's block was really taking over during this chapter. But it was worth it, because I really like the way it turned out. :) Next chapter is called Circle of Life and should be up soon!  
_


	16. Circle of Life

_"Yes, Simba, but let me explain. When we die, our bodies become the grass, and the antelope eat the grass. And so we are all connected in the great circle of life."_

- Mufasa

* * *

Hinata silently stepped through the clear glass doors of the hospital, gently shutting the doors behind her so that they did not slam. She was immediately struck by how crowded it was. So crowded the rooms must have all been full, because the halls were lined with cots and rolling hospital beds, all of them with sick or injured patients lying in them. There were frantic medics hovering over many of the beds, but a few of them were unattended.

She wondered if those patients were so near death that there was nothing the medics could do for them. She wondered if they'd already died. A cold shiver ran through her at the thought and she walked faster through the halls of the hospital, searching for one woman in particular. There was only one person she trusted here to help her with her... problem.

Her pace quickened so much that before she knew it, she was all but running through the halls of the hospital. Anxious medics gave her nervous looks, and a few of them called after her, asking her if she was okay and if she needed assistance. But her dilemma wasn't one she could talk about with just any medic. So far, there were only two people that knew, and one of them was herself. She hadn't even told the other person - they'd just been intuitive enough to figure it out on their own.

If she wasn't careful, the whole village would know soon. She was sure it was only a matter of time before Kiba would be able to smell it on her. Whether he would be able to pick up the scent of her condition, or just her anxiety, he would eventually coerce her into telling him the truth right to his face. He had a way of doing that. He could be very persuasive when he wanted to be.

Once Kiba found out, it was all downhill from there. He would of course immediately tell Shino and Kurenai. Kurenai would make certain that Hinata was taken off the roster for missions, which would alert every ninja in Konoha to her condition. She shuddered to think how quickly even civilians would know of it if _Ino _caught wind of this.

The thought sent her running faster, now sprinting over the tiled floor, the world around her becoming so blurred that she didn't notice the purple-clad woman ahead until she'd slammed straight into her. She heard Shizune's annoyed huff as the older woman turned around, throwing her hands up in frustration.

"Shizune, I need your help," Hinata said before Shizune could get a word out.

The medic's eyes fell to where Hinata's hands were cradling her slightly swollen belly and any and all irritation faded from her eyes. Her gaze softened, her lips parting slightly in a small "O", and she nodded. "Sure," she said quietly. "Come with me."

Shizune led her into a small office and sat her down in a plush, reclining armchair, softly letting Hinata know that it was plenty alright for her to relax. She sat herself in the chair opposite Hinata and gazed at her expectantly, but Hinata would not meet her eyes. Instead, she was staring intently at the dusty brass name plate perched on the desk, the name _Tsunade_ carved into it.

With a sigh, Shizune flipped it onto its face so that the name was no longer showing. Hinata's eyes finally met hers then and saw the worry clearly written in them. An expression that told her quite clearly that at that moment, she wasn't in the presence of a doctor. She was with a friend. A friend who was willing to hear anything, and would not pass judgement or let anything said between them leave the room they were in.

"You want to tell me what's going on?" Shizune's eyes flashed down to Hinata's stomach again.

_She already knows_, Hinata fretted. But she sighed, and gave her practiced explanation anyway, "I have been sick almost every morning over the past few months, but that's stopped recently-"

"Sick as in..?"

"Throwing up." Shizune nodded, and Hinata continued, "I feel very tired a lot of the time. My appetite has been... unpredictable as of late. Some days I can't stop eating, some days the mere thought of food makes me queasy." She paused and then flushed red when she added, "I have to go to the bathroom very frequently. And I've gained a lot of weight, very quickly."

"Uh huh." The medic's fingernails tapped against the hard wood of the desk and her brows met, a small crease forming between them. "And when was your last period?"

Hinata swallowed hard. Up until now, she'd been trying to play it off like it was just a strange disease she knew nothing about, only the symptoms that had plagued her. But she and Shizune both knew what was going on here. "Five months ago," Hinata murmured, averting her eyes.

Shizune hummed. "So from the information you've given me, you're suffering from a condition characterized by vomiting, fatigue, irregular and often absent appetite, overactive bladder, and rapid weight gain?"

Nodding, Hinata said, "Um. Yes."

"Well, if you need me to run some tests to reassure you, I can very well do that. But Hinata, I really have no doubt in my mind. You're pregnant!" She said it with a very contrived sense of enthusiasm, and the grin she plastered across her features was just as forced. There was no joy in her eyes, no happiness in the way she slouched slightly forward when she said it, as if the very words were exhausting to speak aloud.

Hinata frowned. "Oh."

"Congratulations?" Shizune tried. When Hinata didn't reply, the other woman stood up and crossed over to her, dropping a firm hand onto her shoulder. "I'm surprised you didn't already know."

"I did," Hinata sighed. "I just didn't want to accept it."

With all the ease and finesse of a woman who'd been talking scared mothers off the ledge for a decade at least, Shizune said, "Why not? It's wonderful, it's the gift of life!"

"Wonderful?" Hinata scoffed, then rose from her seat in one quick, fluid motion. In a move so uncharacteristic she surprised even herself, her voice rose, and she shouted, "Take a look around you!" She gesticulated wildly with her hands, throwing them outward, as if presenting the world itself to Shizune. "Our village has fallen into the hands of someone who was never meant to be trusted. People are being executed for _breathing_ wrong. The gift of life? This life is hardly a gift, much less one I would want my child to have."

She felt a pressure in her lower belly and winced, putting one of her hands against the spot. The small thing inside of her - not a thing, a person - touched her back and she choked on a sob. Wiping at her eyes, she realized belatedly that she was crying.

Shizune gently eased her back down into the chair and sat down on the arm of it, putting one arm around her and stroking her hair. All professional pretenses were gone now. There were no more diagnoses to be made, and in that moment, Hinata and Shizune were not a patient and a medic. They were two women, two friends stuck in very unfortunate times and trying to figure out how to come out on the right end of this sticky situation.

Hinata melted into Shizune's touch, so comfortable with this woman she hardly even knew, for the reason alone that she was one of two other people on the planet who knew of Hinata's dilemma. "I just want everything to be okay," Hinata whispered.

"It _will_ be okay," was what Shizune said.

But Hinata heard what she really meant in the undertones. _It has to be okay_. Because if everything wasn't okay in the end... what then? If Hinata gave birth to a child, so innocent, and she had to raise it in a corrupt world? Where was the fairness in that? That something so small and pure had to start its days in a world do filthy and rotten. A world that had no right or claim to a child so clean.

And Hinata saw her own worries reflected in the eyes of her companion. Saw the truth in what Shizune was really thinking in the very back of her mind. That life as they knew it would likely never be the same again. Not until Naruto took what rightfully belonged to him, but he would never have the courage to do so if he didn't have his best friend by his side. And she was long gone - probably dead, killed by some mentally unsound rogue shinobi, if not by her own hand.

Hinata tried to suppress a shiver, but it ran down her spine anyway, turning her blood ice cold. No, as badly as they wished for it to be any other way, everything would almost certainly _not_ be okay.

* * *

_A/N: My apologies for the extremely short chapter. This was just something that needed to happen, but didn't really fit in anywhere else, so it needed a chapter for its own. The next chapter, called Who, will be up some time next month! Thank you all for your patience. 3  
_


	17. Who

_"The question is, who... are _you_?"  
"I thought I knew, but now I'm not so sure."_

_- Rafiki & Simba_

* * *

"Why did you come here?"

Kakashi didn't mean it the way it sounded. He didn't want another fight. He was tired, _so tired_, of fighting with her.

He and Sakura had spent most of the afternoon walking around the small village, buying snacks, window shopping, and making lighthearted conversation. When they'd gotten back to the inn, they'd found Emiko cross-legged on the ground, Fujo purring in her lap and Pakkun's wet nose touching her knee. She was leaning against her bed, dozing off, but she'd evidently convinced the two animals to play nicely, because they were engaged in a perfectly civil conversation about the weather, of all things.

Overall, it had been a good day.

Now Sakura and Kakashi were sitting on their bed in the other room, sorting their purchases. They had a few leftover snacks that Kakashi figured he'd feed to Pakkun later as a reward for being friendly, and Sakura was neatly folding her old shirt, the one with the navy blue mask attached. She'd already changed into the new one she'd bought just a few hours earlier, a modest thing that covered the part of her stomach that had been bare before, but now thankfully revealed her face.

She'd been smiling contentedly, just a slight upward quirk of her lips, before Kakashi had gone and opened his big fat mouth.

Her smile faltered, and Kakashi coughed. Trust him to ruin the first good day they'd been able to have in a long time.

"I had no other choice."

He knew she was going to take it the wrong way. He closed his eyes, trying to fight away the headache that was suddenly coming on, and shook his head. When he opened his mouth again, he meant to say, "_That's not what I mean, I mean why did you come to Tonzura specifically?_"

What came out was, "You had plenty of choices."

He kicked himself internally as Sakura laughed, not her usual light chirp, but a harsh, bitter sound. "Yeah?" she asked. "Like what?"

"Well, you could have stayed, for one."

This was probably the reason they fought so often. Kakashi just didn't know when to drop the subject and leave it alone. Neither of them knew when to quit. They were supposed to be elite, fighting machines, ahead of their time. Instead, they wound up as psychological messes who could barely handle themselves most of the time, nevermind each other.

Sakura sniffed and finished folding the shirt, putting it away in the dresser across the room. She then turned around and sat against it, crossing her arms over her chest. "Stay and be miserable," she said, pursing her lips. "You'd like that, wouldn't you?"

Kakashi almost flinched. That was a low blow, and judging by the way Sakura averted her eyes, she knew it. How could he prove to her that above all else, he wanted her to be happy? That if she'd gone to him before running away, he would have done everything in his power to make things different so she wouldn't have to leave everything behind? And if his efforts failed, he probably would have left with her and saved the two of them a few years of doubt.

He felt like her words had knocked the wind right out of him. He had take a few calming breaths before he could reply, "No, I wouldn't, actually. I want you to be happy. I want you back."

"Well, forget it. I'm not going back."

He rolled his eyes. For years when she was younger, he'd tried to teach her to look for the hidden meaning in everything. Evidently, he'd done a bad job of it, or perhaps he'd done too well. Because she had a way of taking his words and finding in them meanings and interpretations that were the complete opposite of what he'd actually intended.

If he had to spell it out for her, so be it.

He rose from his seat on the edge of their bed and crossed the room to her, leaving a comfortable few inches between them. "No. I want _you_ back," he clarified. "I miss the Sakura I knew in Konoha. I hardly know who you are anymore." His eyes followed her mouth as she tugged her lower lip between her teeth and worried it. She was still refusing to meet his eye. His heart sank with cold realization. "Do _you_ even know who you are anymore?"

She didn't reply for a long time. She only stood there before him, her shoulders hunched slightly. If he looked closely, he could see her trembling, a sure sign that she was trying not to say what she desperately wanted to. Her shivers subsided when at last, she let out a heavy sigh and whispered, "That's what I'm trying to figure out."

One of his hands came up to stroke her hair, but she shied away from his touch and walked away, heading into the bathroom. She flicked the light on and closed the door most of the way, leaving it slightly open - she didn't want to shut him out, she just needed a few minutes on her own. When she heard the springs of the mattress creaking quietly, she knew he'd taken the hint.

She turned her head to face the mirror and stared at her reflection for a good, long time. Her eyes took in every inch of her face, every plane and contour and angle. Although she was well into her twenties now at twenty-five years old, she still looked young. Not youthful, but young. And inexperienced and foolish. Like a little girl who'd just gotten scolded for throwing sand at the boys she liked in the sandbox.

Narrowing her eyes, she tried to see something different. She looked for whatever it was that Tsunade had seen in her, whatever person she might be underneath all her childish layers that made her fit to rule a village. She even pulled her hair into two halves, holding them like ponytails over each shoulder, the way Tsunade used to do her hair. If she could physically look more like a Hokage, perhaps she'd be able to see it in herself. But as hard as she looked, she couldn't find it. There was nothing there. Just a girl, trying to mold herself into someone better, stepping into shoes too big for her and praying for her feet to grow.

She let her hair down and shook it out, gritting her teeth against the frustration that threatened to take over. She wasn't a Hokage, she wasn't even close. Maybe she wasn't entirely sure who she was at the moment, but she knew it wasn't _that._

But someone else had seen it. And that meant there had to be at least a faint glimmer of potential, or at least there had been all those years ago. She was a different Sakura then.

She looked at her reflection again, scowling at her hair. She'd changed, physically and emotionally. And though her common sense told her she was just being silly, she wondered if she could look the way she used to, maybe she would start to act the way she used to. Perhaps then she'd be able to see what it was that Tsunade saw in her.

Her scalp tingled when she dropped the henge, and her hair faded from its false auburn shade to her natural pink. Refreshing though it was to see her real hair again, she couldn't escape the reality that she didn't _feel_ any different. The Sakura Kakashi had known in Konoha was long gone.

A sob tore out of her throat against her will and she bit her lip, trying to fight her emotions back and not let them get the better of her like she'd always been told. But as the tears began to streak down her face and her nose began to run, she couldn't help herself. She gripped the counter and hung her head over it, her whole body shaking as miserable, choked sobs escaped her mouth.

The sound of the door squeaking open escaped her notice, but she didn't miss the warmth of a hand coming down onto her shoulder, or the sound of Kakashi's voice when he said, "I'm sorry."

She sniffed and tried to calm herself, gasping slightly for breath. "Stop apologizing to me," she murmured.

"I shouldn't argue with you so much," he continued anyway. "It was your choice to make, and I-"

"And I made the wrong one." The words scared her to death when she said them, but at the same time, they lifted a weight from her shoulders. She no longer trembled, and her sobs subsided, but her eyes were still wet. She rubbed at them self-consciously. "I'm so stupid," she muttered.

His hand found a lock of her hair and he twirled it around his finger, reveling in the color. He hadn't realized how badly he'd missed her pink hair. "You're not stupid," he said as his arms curled around her front and pulled her toward him, her back pressing against his front.

"I thought changing my hair back would help me remember who I was and why I did this," she explained, pushing a lock of her hair behind her ear as she spoke. She sniffed and continued, "Did you know I used to look in the mirror and not even recognize myself? I looked so different, with that stupid brown hair. I'd never imagined having any other color but pink. My whole family has pink hair."

She chuckled quietly and Kakashi smiled lightly at the sound, but then he felt her arms begin to shake. Her hands were balled into fists, trembling at her sides. He took them in his own and stilled them.

"I hoped that I'd be able to remember who I was when I changed my hair back, but I didn't. And I still don't recognize myself." She sucked in a huge, shaky breath before admitting, "I don't know who I am anymore."

"Sakura-"

"I thought that one day, even though I'd left everything behind, I'd be able to look into the mirror and see someone worthwhile." She glanced up at her reflection again, but she couldn't look at it for long. Turning her head away in disgust, she spat, "But I was wrong. I see _nothing_."

He turned her around in his arms and squeezed her closer to him. Desperate hands scrabbled at his back until they found purchase in his shirt, twisting into the fabric and clinging to him. He kissed the top of her head and nuzzled his nose against her sweet-smelling hair, stroking her back while she cried into his shoulder.

It was funny how he could be face to face with her and yet it felt as though they were on opposite ends of the earth. Now that he'd caught up with her, she hadn't gone away again - hadn't even tried - but she might as well have. It was one of the worst feelings he'd ever become acquainted with.

To miss someone who was literally right there

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_A/N: Thank you for being patient with me when I'm late posting my (short) chapters. I love all of you very much. 3 The next chapter is called Remember and will hopefully be significantly longer, and maybe I'll actually get it posted on time for once! Woohoo! As always, please let me know if I've made any spelling/grammatical errors. Thanks for reading!  
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